Friday, January 6, 2012

Crazy, Unfocused, Butt-Centric Cardigans - You'll Find All That and More Here!

According to Google Analytics. :)

Random butt shot? Hardly.

I've written before about some of the unusual ways people have found this blog through search queries. And now that the blog's a year old, based on a hunch that there might be more "unusual" where that came from, I thought it might be fun to share the top, sure-fire, tried-and-true ways to find The Chronicles of Cardigan on the Net (aside from typing in the exact address in your browser).


(Note: Click links to see where the "unusual" queries landed.)

  1. chronicles of cardigan (and all manner of variations, including misspellings)
  2. ann margret (and all manner of variations)
  3. aquasaurs (and all manner of queries with this word and/or the scientific name, triops, and sea monkey)
  4. Dewi and Jon Farleigh cardigan welsh corgi (and all manner of variations)
  5. spooky buddies (and all manner of queries with these words)
  6. busch gardens dog kennel (and all manner of variations on busch gardens + dog kennel)
  7. does my butt look good? and all these verbatim* variations:
    • does my butt look good
    • why does as* look good in slacks
    • my as* doesn't look good in pants
    • look at these pictures of my as*
    • i look good in these pants
    • i feel bad about my butt
    • good look buttocks
    • does my butt look okay
    • does my as* look good
    • does my arse look good
    • butt look perfect in pants
    *There were no asterisks in as* on the analytics report. This is a family-friendly blog, people.
Gratuitous booty? No way.

Now, based on this list, IF (and that's a BIG if) I was concerned about capitalizing on optimizing my blog topics/key words to draw more of certain search queries, I could probably do a few things, like:

  • Start an Ann-Margret fan page and keep it regularly updated. NOT!
  • Keep aquasaurs year-round so I can report on them and give them funny voices like Marcel the Shell. NOPE!
  • I can't even go there for #5. [shudder]
  • Take the dogs to Busch Gardens more often. Could happen, but I'm not writing about it.
  • Do more dog butt stories (but conveniently not mention the word "dog" anywhere in the post)! 

    Friends, I think I'm on to something. (And if you believe that, I've got some swamp land I can sell you for cheap.)

Do Corgi butts drive me nuts? Absolutely.
(Roxi's butt)
Oh yeah, did you notice how "poop" isn't in any of those popular queries, despite the fact that I love talking about it so much? Know what that means? There's already a corner on the "poop" blog market. Darn it.


So the title of this post indicates that there might be some crazy and unfocused stuff in this blog, too.
YEAH RIGHT! Google IS WRONG!  I wish. (You know, I can hear those thoughts you're thinking.)

But come on, how in Sam Hill did these (down below) queries spit out my blog?! Synonyms or no. And why would someone page forward that far?!

  • crazy blog (This actually converted into four page views. Figures.)
  • people says i'm unfocused (And they're correct.)
  • coconut cake bahamas (Huh???)
  • my tongue pokes out when i laugh (I dare you to try this.)
  • ten reasons my dog is better than my ex (Which one of you searched for this? ;)
  • how to clean house (Bwahahahaha!)
  • discreet happy hump day (Discreet?)
  • toilet keeps overflowing when son poops (It's called a courtesy flush, my friends. Divide and conquer.)

    And my FAVORITE!...
  • the cutest dog in the world guinness record (Hey, I'm just reporting the facts, y'all!)


May you find everything you're looking for this weekend!

Ta ta!


  1. I never even thought to look for that stuff in my analytics. This is a HOOT!

  2. What, no one comes looking for corgi jodhpurs? That would be my first search.

    I found a search phrase that was even worse: "people actually have sex with their dogs." I had trouble eating for a week after that one.

    Here's why the search happened:

  3. i love a good butt shot.

    some of those keywords are certainly odd. i must have missed your post on how to clean the house. and hump day? my dear....!

  4. I'd choke on my coffee if "cleaning house" came up in my analytics! It really makes for a great pastime, gotta admit, looking at the searches. No but's about it, you're searchable!

  5. I looking at those things...crack me up every time ;)

  6. I rarely ever look at analytics, but this was just too much fun to pass up. Frankly, I'm more aware of my own google searches (I mean, who knows who might be flashing my "flushed fish tank gravel down toilet and it's clogged" query all over the internet by now?!). ;)

    @Pamela - That's just wrong. :(

    @Kim - Yeah, the post about "house cleaning" was brutally sarcastic. What a terrible waste of that person's time. :)

  7. Those search terms are just too funny! For some reason, coconut cake Bahamas might be my favorite.

  8. Ha too funny, coconut cake Bahamas stood out for me too! I must check my analytics again lol

  9. these are great! i get a lot of phrases in russian, actually, for some very odd reason. i'm just using the blogger stats, but i really need to install google. i had it for a while, but it confused me to no end.


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