Tuesday, October 30, 2012

((ring)) 'Hello?' 'Is your toilet purring?'

"Er...uh...I guess?"

"Then you better hurry up and CYA (cover your @ss)!"

Seriously?

(Note: The Chronicles of Cardigan does not endorse making prank calls. It's just wrong. ;)

~~~~~~~~

True Story...

While an unsuspecting human was "resting" on the toilet, thinking deep thoughts (like about all the Reese's cups she/he can't wait to lift from her/his kids' Halloween candy, for example), she/he suddenly becomes aware of a loud purring in the seemingly barren bathroom.

Barren Bathroom (human on toilet removed)

"WHAT THE FUDGE?!" wondered the human.

Then, after straining to bend over far enough (without becoming dethroned) to check the crack under the door (and briefly pondering lifting one butt cheek for a quick backward glance), it was determined that the purring was coming from the toilet paper storage receptacle on the floor.


"HUH???"




And thus, Bertie's secret zen place was no longer a secret.

~ The End ~


Editor's Note: I thought about doing a more solemn post today, considering the impacts being felt by Hurricane/Superstorm Sandy, but then I thought a cheap laugh (at my expense) might be more appreciated. ;-) Obviously (and thankfully), my family was spared the brunt of the storm, but for those who were not, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

[Sound Siren] Special Canine Weather Bulletin...

Good evening. Jon Farleigh and Dewi here with a special weather bulletin.


As you might know from other, less canine news sources, we (along with millions of other East Coast dogs) are sitting here like rubber ducks, waiting for the uninvited arrival of that haint called Sandy.

No, not this Sandy (our once foster kitten)...


And certainly not her kick-butt namesake (who lives under the sea with the square pants-wearing sponge)...

image source

No, it is that giant, whirling hag in the sky, who (just like her heinous cousin Irene) is making all the humans scramble to buy all the bread, ice and batteries within a million miles, because she is threatening to do THIS:

unaltered image source

So, we would just like to remind you (so that you do not worry about our stubby-legged selves AND can take immediate precautions - as needed - for your own whatever-sized-legged selves) that we are prepared with our (previously published at Richmond Pet Lovers.com)...

Please also take note that in the event we have to use this guide (which means we will also be working part-time as human foot warmers), our regular bloggings will become (temporarily) less regular.

Please refer to your other (less canine) news sources for current inclement weather information.

*Our guide has only been tested one time, on us, and might not be entirely appropriate for your current electrical (or life) situation. Does not apply to cats. 

Hey, why is your jacket more water repellent than mine?

Because, brother. I'm Batman.
;-)

Be safe, everyone!

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

The Sloth Bear In Our Nation's Capitol

Honestly, people. This is a pet blog. Ahem.

Okay, so today (only two months after the fact) I'm sharing a little about the trip my family and I took this summer to Washington, D.C. And by a little, I mean this guy:

Ken -Sloth Bear
Image via flickr
The (most adorable creature at the Smithsonian National Zoo) Sloth Bear!

Only, I was using my crappy-@ss camera on our trip, so I borrowed that picture up there (of a similar bear at the San Diego Zoo). This is the photo I took.


I tried.

And moving right along (for your continued visual delight)...a couple other "borrowed" photos.

 Sloth Bear cub (in 2006 at the National Zoo)

Balawat and Hanah
flickr
   
 Sloth Bear cub and mama (in 2006 at the National Zoo) 

 Yeah, if you've ever wondered what a Koala x Black Bear x Sloth would look like, this is it. I have never squeed at anything (publicly) more than when looking into the precious face of this animal (who was sitting, belly exposed, not a foot from my face).

Sloth Bear Fast Facts: Classified as vulnerable (due to habitat encroachment), the omnivorous Sloth Bear is native to the forests of India, and a few surrounding countries. Its favorite meal is ants and termites, but having a "sweet tooth," also enjoys honey, sugarcane and yams.  

Bit of Trivia: The Hindi word for bear (bahlu) inspired the name of Rudyard Kipling's bear character "Baloo" in The Jungle Book.

(Click here for many other awesome Sloth Bear photos!)

*****

And that concludes today's nature lesson. ;)

In other news, 

These are the creatures that make me squee the most when I'm not in a zoo (full of wild animals).







;-)

Happy Mid-week!

Monday, October 22, 2012

That Other Woman's 'Size Tiny' Lavender Thong! (is what the dog ate)

But sorry, folks. You're gonna have to read your own copy of Jackie Bouchard's enormously fun debut novel, What the Dog Ate, to get all the juicy details!


What? Not enticing enough for you? OK, fine, how about this...

So this is the joy-seeking story of Maggie Baxter, an early-40s, married-to-her-college-sweetheart, no-kids, stagnating-in-her-accounting-career, owner of Kona -- her beloved (but mischievous) chocolate lab, whose panty-eating transgression outs Maggie's husband as a divorce-wanting philanderer.

And in spite of all that (don't worry, Kona heals up nicely, Maggie gets to keep him and nobody dies), IT'S FREAKING HILARIOUS!

In fact, about four chapters in, I (being a visual person) started to wonder what it might look like playing out on the big screen. Seriously. In the genre of romantic comedies, Maggie's story, to me, plays out with elements of both Kristen Wiig's Annie in Bridesmaids and Diane Lane's Frances in Under the Tuscan Sun Two films that I highly recommend, by the way (unless you hate well-written and -acted, pee-your-pants girls'-night-in movies). But since Maggie is a 5'9" red-head, it's driving me nutty trying to figure out who could play her on screen!

However, I get ahead of myself. It's not a movie...yet (any screenwriters out there?). So, just trust me, go get a copy (in paperback or e-version), and after you blow through its nicely-spaced 285 pages, prepare to feel like cheering. And embracing your (or your neighbor's) endearingly naughty dog.


Disclosure: I received a complementary paperback copy of What the Dog Ate from the author, Jackie Bouchard, in exchange for my honest review. And for that reason alone (as the author reads this blog and approached me after having read it, in spite of the nonsense herein), I knew it (her book) had to be good. :)

P.S. You can find Jackie, and tales of her real-life, lovely rescue dog, Rita, at her blog Pooch Smooches.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

He Who 'Draws' the Short Straw (and whose feet smell like Fritos)...

...still gets his turn to attend a Minor League baseball game!

(There is a reason why I don't write idioms/proverbs for a living.)

(Cryptic) Title Translation: Because I was busy sulking about my good camera being in the shop and having to use my crappy back-up one, I forgot to post photos from Dewi's (August) trip to Bark in the Park. Three of You might remember from last spring:

I could only take one dog to my local Minor League team's "Bark in the Park" night, but because I'm neurotic (and found it impossible to make a "fair" choice between the dogs), I had the dogs "draw" straws for it. Jon Farleigh picked (sniffed) the longer straw, so he got to go (in May). Dewi, on the other hand, would have to wait and go to the second Bark in the Park night (in August).

Here is Dewi "drawing" the short straw. (Yes, I am aware this entire incident casts doubt upon my sanity, but it's my blog, so just deal, okay? ;)



And here are the photos of Dewi at Bark in the Park (late August).
(Warning: The quality is crappy. Stupid crappy camera.)


Forget butt-sniffing. Dewi pretty much smooched every dog within the reach of his 5-ft. leash.
This girl (above) was a sweet lab mix.

Then there was a tri-color Sheltie.


And then the sable Sheltie.



Here's a better look at that Sheltie.


No wonder he kissed her. :)

Next, the Cairn Terrier.


And the adorable Pittie puppy.


Wait. It's coming...


Trust me. I didn't get it on camera, but there was snout contact.

Then, lastly (but not infrequently), the Rottie/Corgi cross. I do not jest; her legs were short and her people said she was part Corgi. :) 


Dewi is just waiting for her nose to meet his. He might have shoved his nose in her ear, too. 


In hindsight, perhaps we should have named him Richard Dawson. ;)

Until next baseball season!

Monday, October 15, 2012

It's Official: Bertie Will Soon Be Parting Ways...with His Balls (a PSA)

Don't be gullible!



Neuter (or spay) your cat (or dog)!*

(before he puts his balls on someone)

(because he WILL put his balls on someone)

*This PSA (public service announcement) has been provided for those who have happened here through Google (or its competitors), using keywords, such as: "does my cat/dog need his balls?" "will my cat/dog miss his balls?" "will my cat/dog put his balls on a girl, even if he promises not to?" 

For everyone else: It's true. Bertie is losing his balls...on November 14, at the Richmond SPCA's Clinic for Compassionate Care. I am able to use the low-cost ($30 to neuter a cat, among other things) services of this life-saving, full-service veterinary clinic as a benefit of adopting Maddox from the RSPCA. So not only will Maddox receive affordable care (for the rest of his life), but all other pets (including rescued strays) in my house are eligible for care, too. YEE HAW! Amen. 

And so, because I refuse to let Bertie go anywhere (but the vet's office) until he loses his balls (and gets all his shots, wormings, etc.), he will happily dwell here (at least) another month. As for my future adoption plans for him, in the wise words of Scarlett O'Hara in Gone with the Wind,
"I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow." :-)

By the way, this is what Jon Farleigh and Dewi think about Bertie's empty promises:


You seein' this?

Yeah, I see it.

Dumb kid.

Stay tuned!

Thursday, October 11, 2012

I Took 429 Pics of the Corgis and Cats, but All You Get Are These 11

Kind of made sharing all these pics seem like I was doing you a favor, huh? ;) (Just kidding. I'm a smart@ss, as you should know.)

Not kidding about this being an 11-photo blog post, though. Hope you like them; I spent hours in the photo editor!


Bertie and Maddy (Maddox)



Dewi pouts :)


Maddy's Mittens


Squee! (Bertie)


Maddy, my shelter cat turned supermodel



Jon Farleigh fanning his tail in a spilled sunbeam (he is profusely fluffy here because he had just had a bath)
P.S. His twice-yearly heavy "pruning" is next month. :)


Maddy and his Mini-me


Not sure you can "appreciate" how big he is, but Maddox is spanning half my harvest (kitchen) table here. Also, his tail is disproportionately small. :)

And lastly, proof that I am not a photographer...


Why? Because I have NO IDEA how I did this, 
but I LOVE it! (The photo and my sweet Eva. :)

That's all (for now), folks!

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

The Subjectivity of Shame: Butt-Sniffing

I'll let you decide. 











So what is it: shame or proper handshake etiquette?

;-)

P.S. Maddox is full of all kinds of wisdom, isn't he?

P.P.S. The "lost" kitty is now called "Bertie" (or more formally, "George Albert"), only he isn't really lost, because he (and his two littermates, who were taken into shelter by another - not me - concerned citizen) was apparently left here-in my neighborhood-on purpose. :-( So, all of my "found kitten" flyers have been taken down, and now we shift to finding a permanent home for Mr. Squirty Bertie (who is, other than the trashcan-diving and counter-surfing, the sweetest little bug ever!). I'll just leave it at that - for now. In other words: I am a MESS, dang it! Humph.

P.P.P.S. Happy hump day. :-)

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Looking for a (lost) Friend? Hot Guys Are Standing by to Take Your Call!


(Sheesh, people. What kind of blog do you think this is?!)

Yeah, but what do I say after I mash the answer button?
OK, fine, you do it!

HelloOoOo! Your small, furry bundle of love?
Why yes, I DO have a small furry bundle of ...

Dude. She did not tell you to say that. You are in SO much trouble.

We are sorry, but your call will be disconnected in 10 seconds; however, if the following small, furry bundle of love belongs to you, please leave a message after the beep.



BEEP!

Editor's note: Still no luck finding the kitty's original owners, and to make things worse, there could be other (related) kittens running at large in the area. The good news, however, is that he's still as sweet as ever, and we're all dwelling together peacefully (in a relative sense, of course). 

And on that note, may you dwell peacefully for the rest of your weekend! :-)

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