Monday, December 30, 2013

Classic Cardigan: The Time I Pretended the Dogs Redecorated the House, When They Really Tore It Up

Wait, that wasn't fair to the dogs. They didn't tear it all up; they only tore up some of the really nice stuff - that can't be repaired. And besides, they were puppies, so they get a bye, right? ;)

Please enjoy (at my expense entirely, oh, and in case you need to know, it got worse. Also, cats. Also, I don't care anymore.)...originally published January 31, 2011:

How to Clean House So Guests Won't Suspect You Own Indoor Dogs


(Please, people. If I actually knew how to pull that off, I'd start a consulting business, and could afford to pay a housekeeper.) [sigh]

So, I've decided to bump my usual Monday "training" post until tomorrow, as I've got larger fish to fry today: [read] How the hot fudge do I clean my house so none of my friends - who are coming over for coffee at 10 in the morning - will know that I have a couple hairy, mouthy, slobbery, barky, and who-couldn't-care-less about cleanliness corgis in the house?  Yes, I know. To the seasoned dog owner, this post is absurd. Why on earth would I want to give the impression that I don't have dogs; how superficial is that? Maybe, instead, I should find some better friends who won't care that I've started serving dog hair as a condiment, or who won't disapprove of my using fluff as an accessory?     

Ugh! This wouldn't be nearly as traumatizing if I'd had the tennis *balls* to invite these friends over a little more often than once, since the dogs joined the family last spring! (You know; to gradually "break them in.") It's just that we've been so busy with "redecorating" that it's never really been the right time.

Honestly, who'd have thought Jon Farleigh and Dewi were that much in tune with farmhouse decor? I mean, now that I think about it, it makes perfect sense that my dream kitchen - with buttery white cabinetry set against sleek stainless appliances and old-fashioned hardwoods - was simply missing "authenticity" before the treatment it received from my two, all-purpose farm dogs? For example, these improvements:


Distressed Cabinetry

Faux-Finished Stainless Appliances 

Weathered Wood

Color-Coordinated Gating with Abstract Wall Art

Why stop when one is on a roll?  Let's move into the family room area:

Catch-all Basket After *Antiquing*

Footstool Fringe Is "In"

X-pen as *Furniture*

And, in the bedroom (note: improvements have since stopped in the bedroom, due to "creative" differences with the dogs, in other words, they're banned from going in it):

Out-of-fashion Textured Frieze Carpet Transformed into "Lived-in" Trashy Fugly Unraveled Carpet

Oh, for the love of peanut butter, it's just coffee with the girls, right?!  I guess I should at least wipe the dog drool off the appliances...  Mr. Clean, Brawny Man: H.E.L.P meeeee! Calgon: I need to get away! Helloooooo; anyone there?!    

Thursday, December 26, 2013

29 More Daffy Dog Photos from the Shoot During Which the UPS Man Laughed

But first, a familiar rhyme (altered somewhat) to set up the scene, which took place around he corner from my house, on Christmas Eve:

 Hey diddle diddle, there could've been a fiddle...
 In this setting, as could've been a raccoon.
But when the UPS man laughed to see such spectacle sport,
The husband (who was cajoled into feeding the dogs treats) nearly ran away in embarrassment. 

That last line could've rhymed a little bit better. Sorry, my bad. ☺

Also, it was worth every minute.

Also, you will see some of these photos again, possibly soon, with captions.

Enjoy!













LOOK! After I pressed publish in Blogger, I received a message from Google that this photo
 was auto-enhanced (in my Google photo albums) with SNOW. So, I replaced the original in this post. SO COOL!













































And, in case anyone wants to know: Dewi's "trooper" hat came from Target (seasonal item in the pet section) and Jon Farleigh's camo antlers came from Dollar General (seasonal, in the people section - hehe).

"Tacky Cardigan With Words on It" (as opposed to those without words on them, like those appearing in this post) will resume next week.

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Not Quite Over the River and Through the Wood, in a Silver Pickup We Go

I give you...

Cousin Elmer and Bulltinkle ;) ;)


One more, because it's Christmas...



Merry Happy Jolly Everything!

More outtakes tomorrow!

Monday, December 23, 2013

Classic Cardigan: The Posts of Christmases Past!

Four of them, to be exact. Also, this is where the wordplay on Scrooge's Christmas ghosts ends. Because, well, meaning no offense to the Grim Reaper, I'd rather not visit my own grave in my sleep on Christmas Eve, thank you. ☺

(Note: The titles are links!)

1. TUESDAY, DECEMBER 25, 2012...


In the mood for some hip hop, holiday house music? No? Well, neither were Jon Farleigh, Dewi nor my cat, Maddox. I have no idea why.

Also, Hostess HoHos? Probably not a good idea to stockpile them at this point. In other news, can you believe HoHos were even news in 2012??



2. WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 28, 2011...

Oh, the "places" one will go to get a couple shots of her dog tongue-smooching her child, for a ridiculous holiday photo card, for her ridiculously ridiculous pet blog. I guess you could say she's been "around" the dog-block a few too many times. You'll find a few of the "sordid" details in this post. 

Hint: The holiday photo card, for which she "got around," is coming up in post #3.



3. FRIDAY, DECEMBER 23, 2011...

Yes, I went there. (I told you I got around.) And, for the record, if comparing Jon Farleigh to Rhett Butler is wrong, I don't want to be right! 

Hint: The photo below is only one of THREE in this (adorable) holiday card series! Just click that title up there (or the photo) to see them all!




4. THURSDAY, DECEMBER 22, 2011...

Lest you think dear, sweet Dewi doesn't get to participate in Christmas at my house...I might have saved the best one for last. In terms of smiles, that is!


Couldn't you just EAT HIM UP?! Yeah, that's what the FOX said, too! (No, not that fox, you silly, this one!)

☺♀☺

Happy Happy!

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

It Rhymes With 'Hump' Day: Gazump (it's totally a word, ok?)

Yes, it is. It just so happens that it's not used in the US.
But the UK?
(Keep reading.☺)


Gazump used in a sentence:
 

In Wales - Jon Farleigh's country of heritage - it would not be unheard of for a Grinch to steal take a Who's house, offer to sell it back to her for a negotiated price, and then gazump her, with a selling price exactly 39 and a half times higher than originally agreed upon.

(Of course, after the Grinch heard the Whos down in Whoville singing the "fahoo" song, on Christmas, in the freezing cold, from the shelter of nothing but a a shoe box, his heart would grow three sizes that day, prompting him to not only return the Who's house for free, but to also pay for an entire kitchen remodel, with - among other things - a set of double ovens for more efficient roast beast roasting.)

In other news, can someone please tell me why my dog looks like both the Grinch and Cindy Lou Who? It's uncanny. (Incidentally, that's the same thing I said two years ago, when I posted this exact same photo collage! ♻) ;)

Bonus audio/visual of the unforgettable song from the 1966 TV special How the Grinch Stole Christmas, "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch"!


Double-Bonus Trivia!:

<> Although Boris Karloff voiced the narrator and the Grinch in the TV special, it was Thurl Ravenscroft who sang this famous song. 
<> Ravenscroft's name, however, was inadvertently left out of the cartoon's credits, which, naturally, has left most members of the general public to believe that Karloff sang the song.
<> Dr. Seuss (Theodor Geisel) wrote the song lyrics specifically for the TV special.
<> He was so mortified that Ravenscroft's name was left out of the credits that he personally called him to profusely apologize, and then went on to write letters to journalists all over the country to clear up the misunderstanding. 

Monday, December 16, 2013

Chronicles of Cardigan's Top 11 Most Ridiculous Posts of 2013

Ridiculous meaning most-viewed/read/scanned/gawked at - minus two Blogger how-to's (here and here), a theme park pet care review, and a giveaway. Because, zzzzzz. (No really, none of that stuff is ridiculous; it just gets googled a lot. Which means that today, it is boring and irrelevant. ;)

A preface poem: Your eyes are like paper, and these posts are like glue. When you read them, don't get too close, lest you wind up in the emergency room...like these poor people who may or may not have gotten accidentally glued to things! (Maybe I should've just said they'd get stuck on you. Oh, never mind!) ☺

And, here you go: my 2013 reader favorites (in ascending order)!

11. Dwayne's World Presents: Bohemian Dog Rhapsody (a song parody)

Yes, I dared to go there. It was the hardest post (creatively) I've ever written (laid in my brain percolating for months). And, dang it, if I didn't use ShamWow in a sentence! Pepto Bismol too! Holy cow, what a wacky post!



10. 10 (Previously Unpublished) Reasons Why My Dogs Are Strange

There might be screaming. Crazy@ss baboon screaming. :D



9. 5 Less Obvious Reasons Why I'm Thankful for My Dogs (and How You Can #ShakeItForward)

If you think you might have just seen this one, you're right. It's less than a month old. Wow. What's even better than it making the list, though, is that Iams (for whom I wrote the post, so people would watch a funny dog video, and then for every view up to 500,000, Iams would donate a bowl of food to feed a shelter pet) recently met their goal! Half a million meals are on their way to dogs and cats across the US!



8. National Buffoon's Animal House, With a Side of Bacon

I don't have a clue how this post was borne of my brain. All I did was find a couple of cheap, bacon-patterned neck ties at Target, and the next thing I knew, my dogs were pledging a fraternity. I Smelta Pie, no less.



7. What if LOL Cats Were LOL Cicadas?

You know? I thought I was on to something with this one, but, turns out, people don't really care much for LOL cicadas. I have no idea why. Oh, and there's a really important message about shelter pets in this post. Really and truly, there is.



6. Blogger-to-Blogger Grammar Tips: How to Avoid Homonym Hades (Illustrated With Funny Pet Photos)

In hind sight, I might have been temporarily nuts for publishing a grammar guide (because when one ventures down that road, one better make darn sure one hasn't screwed up one's own grammar, lest one gets a reputation for being a blithering knitwit nitwit). Oh well! (Psst. You'll let me know in comments if I did {screw up my own grammar}, right? Please.)



5. Beer Bottle Cap Pet ID Tags, plus TAKE THE QUIZ on Dogs + Beer in Pop Culture!

So, there's the part at the beginning where I review the Guinness Extra Stout bottle cap tag I got for my kitten, Bobby Flay O'Fish, but then it veers off into dogs and beer, with a pop trivia quiz (that people can still take) at the end. ahem.



4. I Took My Dogs Into Tiffany & Co., and Why This Is Important to Me

This post is two years old, and I was NOT expecting it to be here. But while I've got your attention, have you seen the one where I take the dogs into a Tiffany's at my local dog-friendly mall? Just to say we did it?



3. I Would Do Anything for a Ball, But I Won't Do That

Wherein I test my dogs' aptitude for fetching a tennis ball. The results were shocking...and breathtakingly adorable.



2. 13 Things (besides obscenities) to Not Name Your Dog

Trust me; just don't do it. ANY of it! ☺



1. The Unbearable Cuteness of Being Free

Independence Day like you've never, ever seen it! ♥♥♥




1,000 thank you's for being the best readers a slightly deranged girl could ask for!

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