Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Classic Cardigan: How to Make 'Lemons' When Your Dog's Poop Looks Like Lemonade (and Other 'Bad' Things)

  • The first time I wrote this, I was exactly three years younger, but no wiser.
  • I do not buy the whole "life gives you lemons" metaphor. I mean, who said lemons are so bad? They were wrong. Lemons are good. Lemonade is fattening and can make one's teeth rot (if not consumed in moderation).
  • My life is exactly the same as it was in 2012.
  • I promise not to mention the word "lemonade" again, in the same sentence with the words "dog" or "poop," for the rest of this post.  

Originally published March 23, 2012...

Exploding Dog Butts and Ill-Fitting Clothes - An Experiment in Looking on the Bright Side

My day could conceivably have gone two ways today: crappy or awesome.

Crappy attitude?

Okay, well, if I'm speaking in literal terms, so far, there's been lots of crap. But I'm not speaking in literal terms...just yet.

So because it's Friday, and I LOVE Fridays, I thought it would be fun to list all the crappy things that have happened in my house so far today and then for each crappy thing, come up with a way for me to look on the bright side. 

So, for example, if my bedroom smoke detector had started chirping at 2 a.m., forcing a middle-of-the-night battery replacement and minor sleep disturbance, I would argue that on the bright side, my family would not have burned up in a potential 3 a.m. house fire. 

Pretty simple, yes?

Okay, here we go...

Crappy Thing (CT): Jon Farleigh broke out of his crate at 2:50 a.m. because he had to go RIGHT THEN.
On the Bright Side (OtBS): He didn't go in his crate.

CT: I didn't get back to sleep until approx. 4:15 a.m.
OtBS: I watched a TV war documentary (on the Smithsonian Channel) and in comparison, my problems seemed petty.

CT: JF's crate had a pile of poop in it when he came out of it this morning.
OtBS: It was still in one neat pile and only touching the hard crate floor (making clean-up easy).

CT: After coming in from being walked (by Middle Child - who told me JF had NOT done #2 outside), I discovered JF's back end was a big nasty mess, so (while 2 of my kids were trying not to miss the school bus) I had to give him a bath (with kiwi-scented shampoo).
OtBS: He didn't have a chance to smear his poopy butt all over the carpet or upholstery. The kids still made their buses, proving I can do several things at one time when pressed.

Positive outlook?
CT: About 15 minutes after his bath, JF (smiling and with a spring in his step) sneaked out of the kitchen, pooped in the family room and tracked it back into the kitchen. And I had to give him a second (butt- and foot-only) bath.
OtBS: His butt hadn't been that clean and sweet-smelling since infancy. Also, I got to do a load of towels.

(Note: JF is okay; he just ate something disagreeable.) 

Look how curly his fur gets after a bath!

CT: JF didn't get his breakfast, except for a teaspoonful each of mashed pumpkin and plain Greek yogurt.
OtBS: BOTH dogs got to eat yummy pumpkin and yogurt. (Note: JF didn't poop again for 3 hours after eating, and did not require a third bath.)

CT: My summer wardrobe shrank a half-size over the winter (despite my pleading to "please still fit!" when I pulled my pants on this morning).
OtBS: I get to go shopping? (Okay, not.) My tight waistband is making me not want to eat? (Not really, it just hurts.) I get to spend more time outside (not sitting) with the dogs (and/or family)?  Yep! (But would someone please hide the grill...)

In summary: My day was awesome because:
  • I'm not a statistic in a war documentary.
  • Jon Farleigh's crate and butt are squeaky clean.
  • My dogs got to eat something yummy and wholesome.
  • I can multitask.
  • I have clean towels.
  • I have an excuse to go outside and play. 
Hope you all are having awesome days, too! :)

UPDATE 8:34 p.m.: Because I was scrambling to get this post finished and not paying enough attention to my family's dinner sizzling on the outdoor grill, I have another CT to add to the list:

CT: My hamburgers got burned to briquettes in a grease fire. Oh yes, friends, they did.

No lighter fluid required.
OtBS: I saw a Bald Eagle while driving back from the grocery store (because I had to go out and buy more beef). I had time to prune some plants in the garden while I was outside (not writing this post) supervising the grill. And it turns out, there was enough good cooked meat inside those black rocks to scrape out and add to Jon Farleigh's bland dinner (and breakfast tomorrow). Furthermore, if he could talk (thank heaven he can't, but if he could) he'd probably tell me he likes his meals better after a butt explosion than when he's regular. 
(Shhhhh. He's been explosion-free since early afternoon.) ☺

I think I need some chocolate ice cream...


Have a lemony day, all!


  1. HAH! I love this post! You could have done what our neighbors in the next apartment did when they left the smoke detector chirp for 3 1/3 days until TW slid a note under their door, threatening them with death. On the bright side, TW got through the equivalent of Chinese Water Torture without providing the enemy with secrets. MOL! Hope JF is feeling better.

    1. Did he really threaten with death?! :D I might have gone postal on that myself! (JF is hunky dory, thanks!)

  2. What a fun post! That was quite the day. It's only fair that the bbq got burned to charcoal too. So much for multi-talking perfectly. I hope you had your chocolate ice cream? Seems like the best way to end a crazy day. Take care! Thanks for the chuckle.

    1. Yeah, I'm sure I self-soothed with ice cream (I do every day). :) Thanks for stopping by!

  3. How cute is this post! It kept me intrigued the entire time!
    Rolos says he would still eat those hamburgers...

    1. Compliment of all compliments to a blogger: this post "kept me intrigued the entire time!" Thank you for reading! Glad it gave you a chuckle, too. :)

  4. BOL no lighter fuel crack us up. What a day indeed. Have a wonderful Wednesday.
    Best wishes Molly

    1. Nope, those babies caught fire all on their own. :) Thanks, Molly!

  5. Hahaha! I think we all have those days when we just need a few more bright sides. Been there, done that. Thanks for the good chuckle!
    - Purrs from your friends at

    1. We aim to find ALL the bright sides.:) Thanks for reading, Robin!

  6. "My summer wardrobe shrank a half-size over the winter" Hey! This happened to me, too. It has inspired me to work out two days this week - going for a third tomorrow...

    1. I'm inspired to go to the gym; I just need to convince my legs to take me there. :) Good luck to you! Those darn summer clothes are mischievous little buggers.

  7. Those hamburgers look exactly like what my father-in-law likes to serve when we go to his house for cook-outs. Yikes! :)

    1. Is that an in-law requirement? Black grill meat? :) (Gotta love 'em, though. I hope!)

  8. Crappy thing: Blueberry's anal sacs expressed themselves in a slow leak on my bed.
    OtBS: At least I have a bed and it didn't leak through to the mattress!

    This is a fun game. I'm going to try and apply this to more CTs as they occur! Thanks for the laugh!

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  10. Too funny. Looks like you could use those burgers as charcoal for your next bbq! I think winter causes everyone's wardrobe to shrink,


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