Wednesday, April 1, 2015

11 Unexpected Ways Living With Dogs Is Like Living With Babies (Plus 1 About Cats)

You don't have to have a baby to know what it's like to live with a baby. How can I say this, you ask? Because I've had both babies and dogs. Three of each, in fact. And I'm telling you, if you want to know at least a modicum of what babies are like (without having your own), get a dog. And if you've had both? See if you don't agree!

Note: I can think of way more than 11 similarities, but for the sake of your attention span, I prioritized the less expected ones. (Portions of this list were previously published here.)


11 Unexpected Ways Living With Dogs is Like Living With Babies

1. A formed BM (after a sustained period of "unformed" BMs, aka horrible, explosive sh^t that necessitates a bath/shower/laundry/or infected item(s) thrown - using tongs and rubber gloves - in the outside garbage) is cause for loud celebration.
(Because one hasn't fully experienced parenthood until needing to cut the infected onesie off one's baby, or throw Fluffy's entire L.L. Bean (for example) dog bed in the trash.)

Soft, warm pretzel, anyone?

2. Leaving the house with either (baby or dog) requires one to tote an ample supply of plastic poo receptacles, both of which - when loaded - are like toxic hot potatoes, and must be thrown far, far away, to avoid olfactory assault, dry heaves and perceived ridicule from random passers-by.

Same sh*#, different butt.

3. They both eat crayons. Which makes for colorful #2.




4. Sometimes, they need a pacifier to satisfy their oral fixations.




5. Even though the toilet is only 5 feet (or less) away, they throw up on the floor/bed/you.




6. They make accessorizing outfits a breeze.




7. Extended periods of blissful silence, somehow, always end up as nature's way of getting you back for being selfish and inattentive. 





8. They enjoy the taste of furniture.

You know the saying: "Your face will freeze that way!"
(It won't, but don't tell any dogs or babies, OK?)

Image courtesy: My Parents
 (yes, it's me; I might not have actually eaten the table,
but I could have.)


9. They like to eat food off the floor. And if you have BOTH dogs and babies (or cats and babies, for that matter), they'll eat EACH OTHER'S food off the floor. 

Source: Bored Panda




10. For entirely different reasons, you'll want to nibble their feet.



And, lastly (because I can't resist, and I certainly wouldn't want you to think having dogs and/or babies is a bad thing), one AWESOME way living with dogs is like living with babies...

11. Their mega-watt smiles might make you melt into a quivering pile of goo!


The resemblance* is uncanny, don't you think?

Really? You think 6-month-old me looks like Jon Farleigh? (wink)


*****

Wait! You know what? Living with cats is like living with babies, too. Yeah, they can't keep their clothes/shoes/vital accessories on for 5 minutes!

See what I mean?



Darn cat. ☺


So for anyone else out there who's had experience with both dogs (and/or cats) and babies, got anything to add to the list?

19 comments:

  1. I have always told people that having a pet is just like having kids!

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    1. Why in the heck didn't someone warn me before I had 11? ;)

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  2. I haven't had a baby before but having a stepson that was 1 when he came into my life I can totally tell they are alike! Rolo is almost more high maintenance than a baby as he is special needs with his canine epilepsy. This post really got some giggles out of me!

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    Replies
    1. Aw, Rolo is a lucky guy. They're totally worth the effort, though, right?

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  3. Great list, but somehow it still doesn't make the little bipeds any more appeallng to me. I'll stick with the quadripeds I know and love.

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    1. Hey, I'm not trying to talk people into having babies. My pets outnumber my kids by almost 3:1! ;)

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  4. I have four adorable nieces - but not once, have I ever been tempted to nibble their feet. Human feet gross me out. But I've been known to pretend to chew on Blueberry's feet. Hehehehe

    Human babies and dogs are alike in that we, as adults, can talk gibberish to them or in a professorial manner and they both respond with blank looks, burps, or by falling asleep. :)

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    Replies
    1. I only like chubby baby feet, and oh boy, don I ever love them! (Adult feet? ew.) You're so right about the baby babble talk! I have complete nonsensical convos with my pets almost daily. Sometimes I feel sorry for them because they can't tell me to shut up. :/

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  5. Like Dawn, I'm sticking with the quadripeds (or tri-peds). :) BUT... this is kinda what my new book is about! (It's not shameless self promo if you don't mention the title and availability date, right?) :)

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    Replies
    1. I'd forgotten about your new book synopsis, Jackie. :) Well, I can't wait 'til it's out, and when it is, you better give me all the details so I can publicize for you! Not shameless!

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    2. I mean, it's not shameless when there should be no shame to begin with! (You know what I mean.)

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  6. We're glad that the list was mostly dog-related. Because they really are like big babies. ;)

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    Replies
    1. Yes, I can't say I'd describe cats as babylike, much. Now, I did have a siamese who sounded like a baby when he meowed.... :)

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  7. BOL so funny and so true. Have a tremendous Thursday.
    Best wishes Molly

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  8. What a great post! I chose to stick with just having dogs. I don't think I could have managed doubling down on all the poo/throw-up/hair/mess/noise......plus you can't stuff a baby in a crate while you take a break ;-)

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    1. That one seems to have changed Taryn. Have you seen all of the devices they have to stuff babies into nowadays? The only difference is that baby stuff gets labeled "play center," "interactive dome" or "brain building chair." I have recently seen babies bounced from being strapped into one device and trapped in another more than a dog goes from crate to leash! :)

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    2. Yeah, I don't think I would've ever considered two puppies when my kids were THAT young. There's just not any point in living with that much poop. :) No, you can't put a baby in a crate, but there are pack and plays, and car seats. Not that I ever did that. For more than 10 minutes. :)

      On a related note, I've seen pics of me in a "play pen" when I was a baby. I think people crates might pre-date dog crates. Just not PC to crate your kid these days. O_o

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    3. Haha, I think @Bethany already went where I just did, @Taryn! I forgot about the baby "swings" and bouncy chairs, and those saucers they stand in and drool all over (I had all three of those devices back in the day). Yeah, babies get contained (but not crate trained)!

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