Wednesday, January 23, 2013

5 Places (besides the obvious, work, etc.) Where You Should NEVER LOL at a Blog

Note: And by LOL, I don't mean that "pretend" stuff we sometimes do in blog comments, just to have something nice to say. I mean real, laughing out loud - from one's gut, which may or may not include simultaneous, embarrassing bodily function(s), i.e. soiling one's pants. 

So by show of hands, how many of you have ever laughed out loud at someone's blog (or website) in an inappropriate place? (My hand is up, BTW; I laugh out loud inappropriately in lots of places.) I'm picturing a few hands waving in the air - some higher than others, no doubt. Well anyway, I thought it might be helpful - since I, for one, have never seen an article like this on any of the many blogging etiquette sites I've visited - to list a few of the places (other than the obvious: work, church services, the library) where, as a blog reader, one should never, ever laugh out loud.

I hope you find this helpful.

1. As a (live, in-person) spectator of the final round (or even worse, sudden-death playoff) at the Masters (golf) Tournament
(Now, I know some of you might be thinking that I have overestimated the number of golf fans who bother to read this blog; well, to those of you I say this: Do not tell me that if Ree Drummond - of the [rhymes with] Whyoneer Plummon blog - [hypothetically] gifted you an all-expenses-paid trip for you and a friend to The Masters [because it happened to coincide with one of her book-signings], that you [even if you hate golf] wouldn't be all over that trip like pollen on a car hood! :-) So, what I'm saying is that since more than a few of you - as I do - probably enter Ree's giveaways, and probably don't have intimate experience with spectating etiquette at The Masters, that I'm hopefully saving you a LOAD of potential embarrassment! I mean, is that really how you want to get late-night TV exposure? Getting arrested at an internationally televised sporting event?!)
Blowing bubbles under the water makes bath time fun!

 2. During a boring political science (for example) lecture, in which your professor - with a demented fondness for the Socratic method of a giant lecture hall...where shy students suffer from bouts of nausea in anticipation of being called out in front of total strangers - might hear you LOL-ing, and make you read the entire doo doo-laced blog post out loud to the class! Who's laughing then?
(Talk about soiling a perfectly clean pair of pants.)
3. Observing (within earshot of the surgical team) a delicate Operation, in which the surgeon is trying to remove her patient's "wish bone" from the left side of his chest (a most awkward maneuver) using nothing but a pair of electrified tweezers, which, at the slightest slip of her hand, will set off the most annoying buzzer you have ever heard in your life! (Note: This scenario applies to many Operations, including, but not limited to, funny bone replacement and writer's cramp removal.)

4. As a VIP guest or government official (on or near the platform...and a "hot" mic) during a U.S. President's inaugural address (particularly when one has one's sights set on 2016, 20, etc.). (One would think this particular tip, above all, should go without saying. One would think.)
(What? You think politicians don't read [and consequently glean valuable tips - like this one - from] nonsensical dog blogs?)
All business here, folks. My bubble maker's set to torpedo mode.

5. Seated (on the toilet) in a stall in a (multi-stalled) public restroom (and I can't adequately express this next part enough), ESPECIALLY...ESPECIALLY when a person (who has unusually shy bowels, and who would rather suffer from constipation in private than be [audibly and/or olfactorily] detected making poo poo in a public toilet) is seated in the stall next to you!

Or even worse! If that person has innocently entered the stall to take care of #1 on her agenda ONLY, however, to her horror, erroneously emits a blast of hot methane - its sound closely mimicking a rectal trumpet, announcing her impending urination. [Insert me saying, "OMG, I feel SO bad for that woman!"]

Which then, naturally, the horrified person - in a panic-stricken haste - would inevitably wind up running out of the restroom into the busy Target store (for example) with her dress tucked into the back of her (totally hip) textured tights!
(Do you want to be the reason why a sensitive Target shopper has to begin seeing a therapist?!  I didn't think so!)
And there you go, friends. Just me trying to give something back to my awesome readers. ;-)

Oh, and remember, my blog is Pin(terest)-friendly, so feel free to tack this post up on your "blogging tips" board - just in case.


This post has been brought to you by Maddox, who rarely cracks a smile, much less laughs out loud in public.


And one more thing...for my exceptionally kind friend-who-also-has-a-dog-blog, Kim T.: This is what happens when you admit (in comments) to LOL-ing at my blog in inappropriate places. I hope it was worth it! ((hugs!))


  1. Lucky for me, I only LOL at your blog on my sofa, next to my hubby, while he is watching a show that I am supposed to be watching with him :)

  2. I am constantly LOLing in the most innapropriate places. Thank you for giving me some tips for places to be a little more careful!!

  3. We laugh at inappropriate things all the time. Usually the more pompous the better. There is nothing worse than catching the eye of a like minded soul in public and you know you are going to break out into an undignified laugh. Have a terrific Thursday.
    Best wishes Molly

  4. I want to know how many (or potentially all??) of these scenarios actually happened to you! I have LOL'd while reading on the bus but I have also cried while reading on the bus so my fellow travelers are used to my antics at this point.

    Your description of the political science lecture gave me nasty flashbacks, by the way. So much for getting rid of that recurring nightmare! ;-)

  5. Laughing inappropriately is one of my hobbies... ;)


  6. Fortunately, I am reading this in the privacy of my own office! You are brilliant and it would be fun to know how many public blurts of laughter this fantastic post elicits!

  7. Ha!! Love this post! Thank you for the laugh. :)


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