National Buffoon's Animal House (with a Side of Bacon) Starring Corgis, Jon Farleigh and Dewi

Original publish date: 5/27/13

Today, just because, I made a parody--starring Jon Farleigh and Dewi--of perhaps the greatest party flick of all time: Animal House. 

I (the buffoon of National Buffoon) call it: 

Animal House, with a Side of Bacon

With...

Jon Farleigh as Jon "Farto" Fartarsky

and

Dewi as Kent "Crappie" Arfman

A brief synopsis:

Kent (Crappie) is pledging the fraternity, of which Jon (Farto) is already a brother. 

The fraternity is:

 

Actual Dog-Greek letters

Translated (in case you don't know Dog-Greek): 

I Smelta Pie

Here is a stanza of the I Smelta Pie unofficial song:

♫ We like fried bacons and we cannot lie!

♫ We eats it with a slice of pie! (apple, of course - this is America.)

End of stanza

And, back to the plot...

So, in order for Crappie to get into I Smelta Pie, he has to go out into the field (where the deer and the antelope cantaloupe Canada Geese play) with Jon Farleigh Farto, but while Farto gets to roll in stinky things, Crappie can only stand by and watch.

Crappie (to himself, as he watches Farto find the stinky spot): Be strong. You can do this.

[sniffing]

Farto (to himself, as he plows his face into the stink): Oh, yeah.

[grunts]

[grunts]

Wowza!

Crappie to Farto: What is it, man?

Farto (to himself, ignoring Crappie, and rolling even more vigorously): Oh, yeah! This is what I'm talking about!

Crappie (as he plunges headlong atop the stinky thing): I give up! I can't take it anymore!

I Smelta Pie, be dammed by a beaver!*

Farto? Wanna go eat some bacon?

The End

Today's post has been brought to you by...

The two dog-sized, bacon neckties I purchased (with my own $2) in the cheap, holiday-themed accessory bins at Target.

Also...

Dear people who're in charge of the cheap holiday-themed accessory decisions at Target:

Remember how I wrote you a letter back in February, lamenting the fact that you offered exactly ZERO Valentine's Day-themed headband accessories, thereby forcing me to make do with "creative" substitutes, such as these green St. Patrick's Day antennae (for important blog posts such as this)?

Yeah, well, you've been redeemed.

♥,

Me

Thank you for reading! Please eat bacon responsibly!

* Despite his foul, disrespectful remark, and failing the stinky-roll abstinence test, Crappie became a full-fledged I Smelta Pie brother. 

BONUS TRACK:

From Animal House, Otis Day and the Knights - "Shama Lama Ding Dong"!

So, what's the silliest thing you ever made your pet wear? I'm talking all the way back to early childhood!

Does your dog roll in stinky things? ☺

Including the Time I Ate Purina Cat Chow, My Life Has Always Been #BetterWithPets (2015 Summit)

No one ever told Thomas cats don't like snow.
It would be the beginnings of a years-long mutually beneficial relationship. 

It's one of those early childhood recollections that, somehow, instead of getting catalogued for the long-term, is destined for display on an endcap in the library of one's memory.

I was between five and six years old, sitting on the vinyl floor of the modest square kitchen at the front of my family's townhouse, directly left of the front door. Besides my Siamese cat Thomas, who was shamelessly circling my person, purring and plowing every square inch of his slick, chocolate and tan coat into my back and arms, I was alone in the room. I had decided to join Thomas at his food dish for a mid-morning (or -afternoon, that detail is missing. Still, I know it was an off time, since at standard mealtimes, I would've never been in the kitchen unsupervised) snack.

Thomas. Cat, playmate, guardian, Jr. High tear catcher, snack sharer.

I'm not exactly sure how long I was sitting there - most likely remarking to Thomas about the green gingham pattern on my polyester, bell-bottom pants, for example, or how I was gonna go roller skating in the parking lot (outside my front door) later, and would he like to watch me from the patch of grass that was our front yard - before I got the urge. 

The dish was sitting in the same place it always was, pushed up to the baseboard and out of the way of foot traffic. And as always, it had a little bit of kibble in it - Purina® Cat Chow®, to be precise. It was the only food we ever fed our cats. Except back in the day - when I was a kid - the pieces were shaped like little x's, not the mini-hockey pucks they are today+. Thomas didn't seem to be all that hungry, since he was opting to deposit his invisible scent and loose fur all over me, rather than partake of the brownish-red colored bounty before him.

And so I thought (with my innocent, five and a half-year-old mind) this is my chance: if Thomas thinks the stuff is all that - and why wouldn't he? It looks like a bowl of natural-colored Apple Jacks®*, except, unlike Apple Jacks, has a savory, almost snack food-like aroma - then, by golly, why shouldn't I?

Elizabeth. 5.5-year-old Cat Chow connoisseur. 

So, I took a quick look behind me and both ways down the hallway, just to be sure there'd be no human witnesses, and I did it: reached in Thomas' bowl, snatched a Kindergartner-sized fistful of Cat Chow and, without a moment's hesitation, crammed the whole pointy lot into my mouth.

Interestingly, my recollection after this point is less vivid - except for the undeniable memory of unexpected tang (not as bad as a black jellybean surprise, but no where near as good as the bacon bits I thought it was gonna be), as I attempted to chew. I'm not even sure if I actually did chew it up...or swallow it...or run to the trash can and spit it all out. None of that really makes a difference to the story, truthfully.

What does matter to this story, and to every other kid's story - when they have the responsibility of helping to care for a pet - is this:

THERE'S A REASON PEOPLE DON'T GO AROUND EATING PET FOOD; ASK FOR SOME POPCORN INSTEAD!

I never ate cat food (and only once did I try a piece of Jon Farleigh's birthday cake, that I bought at the local doggy treat bakery) again.

Christmas Day 1975. Banana seat, bell bottoms, big plans. 

* It occurs to me now that Apple Jacks are, in fact, shaped like circles, and not jacks at all. Which begs the question, WHY? I mean, who the fritter is Jack, and why is he made of apple? Never mind. ☺

Fast forward 40 years...

Dewi. #BetterAtHomeWithCorgis ♥

Purina is still impacting my life - and the lives of countless others, people and pets included. And it's not just about food.

Earlier this week I had the honor and privilege (OK, let's get real: the Nestle Purina people awarded me an all-expenses paid trip to NYC to talk cats and dogs, and I ran around the room squealing like an Adam Levine groupie!) of attending their third annual Purina Better With Pets Summit in Brooklyn, NY†.

The summit serves to - straight from the inside cover of my program, according to Purina - "...bring together the brightest minds in pet science and culture, to share how big, innovative ideas are improving the emotional wellness of pets and the people who love them."

And, I was in esteemed company: not only some of the best pet writers and bloggers I know (including some who are role models for me), but journalists, editors, business owners, marketing gurus, columnists, YouTubers, publishers, scientists, engineers, veterinarians, animal behaviorists, and shoot, even an Emmy and Peabody Award-winning ABC News documentary producer, who happens to also star in Bravo's Real Housewives of New York!

Carole Radziwill. Award-winning news documentary producer, lifelong animal lover, Real Housewife of New York.

Y'all, can I have a moment? When I was a girl, I wanted to be flipping ALL of these people when I grew up! (OK, maybe I didn't want to be a reality TV star, but still!)

To be sure, Purina put together a well-versed group of thought leaders, covering a wide-range of emotional wellness topics, from dogs bringing together rural communities on the brink, to cat cafes and their potential impact on millennials, to revolutionary advancements in shelter enclosures, to the specific rewards of dog ownership for children who are autistic or survivors of abuse. 

The main gist?

With the millions upon millions of pets already in the world, can you imagine the potential positive effects on society? Can you believe we've gone several lifetimes and are just now catching on?

It's hard for me to believe, too, but I'm sure you'll join me in being thankful there are some really smart pet people in the world who are doing something the frick about it!

Alexandra Johnson. Really smart person, designer responsible for new and upcoming Purina interactive feeding toys, listened to me go on and on about the Cardigan Welsh Corgi rapper in the Beggin'® Party Poppers™ commercial. 

So, tell us more about what you learned at that summit, Elizabeth.

There was so much! But OK, how about these highlights**:

• Purina employs an Alaska-based, Cornell-educated senior research scientist and veterinarian, Dr. Arleigh Reynolds, who - while also training for prestigious races - evaluates the impacts of nutrition on performance in his 30 working sled dogs.

Additionally - while doing all of these things - he has been instrumental in re-introducing working dogs (which have traditionally been an integral part of small Alaskan community culture and livelihood, but with modern technology, were less and less needed) into communities that were/are in decline. With his leadership and expertise, he has helped spread a movement - The Frank Alta Youth Program - which uses Alaskan sled dogs to benefit at-risk students all over rural Alaska. 

Dr. Arleigh Reynolds. Veterinarian, Purina Sr. research nutritionist, sled dog raiser, philanthropist, also, GO WATCH THIS! (photo copyright© Purina, used with permission)

Another moment please, y'all. You know that show called Northern Exposure from the 90s? Where the Ivy League doctor had to go to rural AK and practice medicine to pay off his loan? Yeah, well, imagine Dr. Arleigh Reynolds like that. Except in this version of the show, John Corbett is the doctor, but not for people, for animals. Oh, and imagine John Corbett looked a little like Paul Newman, who looks a little more like Dr. Reynolds than John Corbett. {insert intentional pause} Look, someone had to say it, because I KNOW everybody in that summit room was thinking it! And boy, do I hope Dr. (Arleigh, which is like my corgi J. Farleigh without an F, interestingly) Reynolds - and my husband - don't read this! ☺

• Anthrozoology is a relatively new discipline of study that looks at the relationship between humans and other animals, including the positive effects of animals in society.

• 1 in 3 people in the U.S. has a pet cat.

• Millenials' relationships with cats tend to be hyper-social, meaning relationship expectations are being formed as a result of seeing cats in social media. This can lead to unrealistic expectations of cats. 

• Studies have shown that people who have cats as pets are becoming less likely to identify as being introverted.

Me. Introvert with extroverted tendencies. 

• When cats are stressed, the chemical imbalance in their brains is directly linked to the disease that causes feline lower urinary tract disease‡. When the stressor(s) is removed from the cat's environment, the disease will resolve over time. 

• Dogs and cats prefer pastel colors (vs. bold) in their living quarters.

• Dogs and cats benefit from positive stressors, including working for food through interactive puzzles and games. In field trials, dogs have shown preference for a food puzzle over eating a meal that is simply placed before them.

• Music can be calming for shelter pets. 

• Dog companionship is proven to level the playing field and empower children (and adults) who have trouble communicating, and/or are dealing with difficult situations, including in juvenile and domestic justice systems. 

Black lab service dog. Rocker of worlds. 

I could go on! What a day!

Stay tuned to the blog, though, because there's Part Two! Except next time, I'll expand a bit on the most intriguing (to me) part of the summit: Cat Cafes!

Wondering (like I was) what the heck a Cat Cafe is? And why the heck they might make my heart beat a little bit faster? You'll see! And, oh yeah, I'm writing it specifically for DOG PEOPLE! (Though, I hope cat people will read  - and maybe chime in - too!)

See you back here soon, pet friends!

Me (far right, standing on tip-toes) and a few fellow pet bloggers. Connected online, bonded for life off.
#BetterWithPetsAndFriends ☺

† Tip: If you ever want to see a real-life Sesame Street-looking neighborhood, go to the Brooklyn Expo Center. My Oscar the Grouch PJ's and I would totally fit in there!

+ Turns out, Purina Cat Chow kibble is now - as I saw in the grocery store last night - shaped like little crescent moons, Y's and circles.

‡ Better With Pets distinguished panelist and veterinary professor, Dr. Tony Buffington, is the scientist responsible for discovering this link.

** If you'd like a more detailed, journalistic report of the agenda and speakers, I recommend you go here (Conscious Cat) or here (Fido Friendly). Author and pet expert Amy Shojai has a great video play-by-play here. You can learn more about Purina's Better With Pets mission and experts here.

For the latest updates, follow Purina on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

This Picture Is Worth 1,000 Words Wednesday: A Red Dog Lying Alone on the Floor

Here's the picture:

Think you can guess the 1,000 (give or take)-word backstory?

How about a hint (or 18)?

Well? Can you guess the words, now? (Poor Jon Farleigh; he's always drawing the short {and narrow} straw!)☺

Have you ever seen such afflicted dog expressions? Do you have pets who jockey for the same chair or bed or blanket? Who wins?

Note: Photos were previously published in 2011.