My Corgi Licked My Brain

Previously published, but still true...

OK, maybe Jon Farleigh only managed to get the back of my eyeball (when I accidentally sucked his tongue up my nose, as he and Dewi tried to lick my face off!). Nevertheless, that's what I get for lying flat on my back to get these pictures of me for the "Meet the Bloggers" hop sweeping through pet blog-land this week (2013). 

OK, if I was truly, fully participating in the blog hop, I'd answer a handful of set questions about myself--like what's my favorite book, movie, food, actor, extracurricular activities, and whether or not I'm happy with the way I turned out in life (or something like that). But, I'm only half-participating, so I'm just gonna answer these three questions that I made up by myself:

1. If you had to transform into a fruit or vegetable, what would you choose to be?

A strawberry, because they wear their seeds on the outside. 

2. If you could choose one other breed of animal to have as a pet (hypothetically, of course), what would it be?

A cow, and I would call her Sugar Plum, milk her and churn my own butter.

3. What is the most embarrassing thing you've ever done?

In July of the summer between 4th and 5th grade, I laughed so hard I peed my pants sitting in a restaurant booth with my three younger* siblings. Specifically, on a family vacation in rural Pennsylvania, having lunch in a Friendly's restaurant full of older couples eating in complete, dreadful silence. Yeah, silence, until someone (not to be named) farted like a trumpet off a vinyl booth seat and I laughed so hard I slid under the table, cried in silent, side-splitting agony, and undammed a warm, yellow river all over myself. But the worst** was having to do the shimmy of shame (my brother playing wingman behind me with a strategically placed tray) to get out the front door. Damn vinyl seats. 

Anything else you all want to know? 

* I was 10 and was the oldest (and presumably, most mature) one at the table. Let that sink in a minute. (The 70's were the BEST, if you were a kid, y'all!)

** Actually, the worst might have been having to change into an outfit that was not a handmade, matching set to my two younger sisters'. (Think The Sound of Music, VonTrapp family matching outfits, except not made from expensive drapes, but inexpensive, terry cloth beach towels.)

Tacky Cardigan With Words on It (Tabloid Edition): Pea Soup

All I'm saying is, maybe Linda Blair's character just needed to swig a bottle of maximum strength Kaopectate?

(Enlarged) Fine print:

• This is fake.
• No dogs or paparazzi were harmed during the making of this photo.
• Jon Farleigh has never eaten a raw green pea (though, he has eaten cooked green peas, but not a bunch all at once).
• He was not sick.
• No one threw up.
• Dewi did not jump out the window.
• I have no idea why Jon Farleigh was angry at the back of the seat.
• Maybe he was angry at me for not taking him to the CVS drive-thru to get a dog biscuit. 
• I don't have a vegetable garden. 
• I don't know how to grow my own food.
• Elvis clones could be made from alien poop; how am I to disprove this?
• I do not work for the Daily Mail (but I am not above reading it online, sometimes).

☺

Tacky Cardigan With Words on It: Common Sayings Taken the Wrong Way: Pet Peeve

Have you ever sat down and thought about all the sayings we American English-speakers use that if taken literally (or even just the wrong way), could make a person unversed in the vernacular, wonder how hard we must have hit our heads when we fell off the turnip truck? I mean, why we say such nonsense?

Well, I do. And, to tell you the truth, I can't believe how many sayings I use that flat-out don't make any sense. And worse, if someone pressed me about why I say them, or where the expressions originated, I'd just have to stand there scratching my head. (Like, how do I know? I wasn't born back then!) Think about it. Isn't it weird? How we do this all day, and never stop to question the sensibility of the words coming out of our mouths? Or whether there's a different way of saying what we mean?

Like how, for example, do I "fly by the seat of my pants" to go anywhere? I mean, what does that even mean - fly by the seat of my pants? Because the image I'm getting is that of an invisible hook in the sky that dangles people by the belt loops, and then, whirls them around like Dumbo's on a Disney theme park ride. But, what happens after that? When the "newbie" gets more seasoned at whatever the heck it is they're doing? Does a flying carpet whiz in and take over? Then maybe a hang-glider? Until, finally, they've mastered the thing and get to ride in a plane, only to willingly jump out with nothing but a parachute to break their fall back to the hard ground? NOPE! NOT ME! I'd just assume not ever do anything remotely new and difficult again!

Fly by the seat of my pants, huh. What a stupid thing to do!

I'm no Dumb-o! Just leave me on the ground, thanks!
via insidethemagic.net

{Insert pause here. Count off: one second, two seconds, three seconds, four seconds...}

I'm sure I was trying to make a point with all that blather...oh yes! Pet peeve*! Have you ever wondered why exactly we use those specific words for this particular thing we're trying to convey? Like, why "pet" and why "peeve"? So, OK. I know a peeve is something annoying, but why do we, then, call the MOST annoying thing possible to us, our PET? Isn't that another way of saying it's our favorite, or worse, most beloved annoying thing? But, that doesn't even make sense! How freaking annoying!

* Grammar nerds may click here and/or here for the definition of "pet peeve" and here and/or here for its origin/etymology. (By the way, the experts can't even completely agree on this "pet peeve" stuff. So, tell me, how the heck are we commoners supposed to explain what it means to someone who doesn't speak English as a first language?! Also, why do dogs dig to China? And, why have I, on purpose, just bunched up my own panties? Don't answer that!☺)

AHEM

Alright. So, I've established that "pet peeve" is a weird combination of words. Hold on to that thought for a minute...

A couple weeks ago, I decided to scoop up Jon Farleigh (he's 37 lbs.-light) and dance around the kitchen (it was Mother's Day weekend and I was feeling extra happy**; haven't you ever spontaneously grabbed your pet for a dance?). One of my kids grudgingly took some pictures. Yes, she did, and, it turns out - from her vantage point - Jon wasn't feeling the joy quite as much as I was. (Though, to me, the back of his head sure did look adorable - bobbing up and down to the beat.) I'm not sure what he was feeling, truthfully, but when I saw this particular photo, just two words sprang to mind.

Now, this? This definition of "pet peeve," I can explain.  ☺

What's your most beloved annoying expression? Have you even thought about it before today? Does your dog or cat like to dance with you? (Don't lie. hehe)

** I was extra happy, listening to this LunchMoney Lewis tune my kids found for me. I dare you not to dance. 

Tacky Cardigan With Words on It, Squared: The Ugly Sweater Paradox (and photo fest)

paradox (noun): 3. Any person, thing or situation exhibiting an apparently contradictory nature. dictionary.com

I bought this "ugly" holiday sweater with the words "Let It Snow" on it for Jon Farleigh.
(Hint: That is why this post is a Tacky Cardigan squared. It's a "Tacky Cardigan" about an actual tacky cardigan. And, it has words on it. This achievement, to me, is like another person's completion of a half marathon. Not sure what the equivalent of a full marathon would be, perhaps this post. Anyway...)

I guess - notwithstanding it's in the shape of a dog's torso (vs. human's), which intrinsically detracts from the manufacturer's "ugly holiday sweater" marketing strategy - this sweater is ugly. I mean, I probably wouldn't purchase a similar design for myself, but ugliness is kind of subjective (even where dogs are concerned), you know?

Anyway, let's just assume the sweater - all by itself on a hanger - is ugly. But, look what happens when it's on Jon Farleigh.

Wait, there's more...

So, what do you think, now? Is it (the sweater) still ugly?

Here's my answer:

[represses gurgling noises] Ugly? How the flip can it be ugly when it makes my already-cuddly, floofy, loaf-of-Wonder-bread-shaped, doe-eyed, squishy, pookie-bear Jon Farleigh even more adorable than a diapered cherub shooting love arrows off the top of a cottony cloud next to a rainbow shooting out of a baby unicorn in a field of kittens?!

And, therein lies the paradox. But that's just my opinion. ☺

By the way, dog-sized, red buffalo-checked trapper hats aren't ugly (nor dorky) either.

OK, on three...one, two, SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Look at all the corgi fur exploding out of Jon Farleigh's sweater! Not even *I* realized he was that fluffy! It's killing me! More sweaters, please! For Dewi too! A lumberjack one! And maybe some snow shoes! ☺

But wait, there's even more! While y'all were celebrating, or sleeping in, or something, Jon Farleigh turned FIVE years old on New Year's Day! I can't believe he's five (and that Dewi will also be, in February). Where has the time gone? Here are a few pics from the day (some appeared previously on Facebook).

I purchased the Gingerbeg cookies, personalized bone biscuit and mini-cake from our local Three Dog Bakery. The sock monkey is just for show, and yes, the dogs got steak leftovers from New Year's Eve dinner at Ruth's Chris. Please don't tell them that it probably won't happen again, until maybe 2020, when Jon Farleigh turns 10. 

Happy New Year, everybody! 

Well-Loved Tacky Thanksgiving Cardigan: Jon Farleigh the Turkey

And by well-loved, I mean, I've proudly published it once already. ☺

But first, have one last look at Dug. I have to send him back home after this post. (Not really, I've just run out of GIFs.)

OK, are you ready to see the tacky cardigan? It might even give Dug, there, are run for his money!

Originally published on November 28, 2013...

Tacky Cardigan With Words on It: Stupid Turkey Day Homonyms

Feel free to take a moment or two to let this sink in all the way. 

Tune in next time when I invite Dewi to a weenie roast and reward him with weenies for pretending to be one. ☺

Speaking of Dewi, this...

He's thankful for the same thing as Jon Farleigh. 

I'm thankful for readers who, in spite of knowing who the real buffoon of this blog is, still keep coming back for more! 

Happy (day after) Thanksgiving, y'all!

'Til next time!

Tacky Cardigan With Words on It: Divine Canine Comedy (All Hallows' Eve Edition)

I've never read Dante's Divine Comedy (although, I'm pretty sure I was supposed to in 12th grade English class. I was in the Cliff's Notes "club" for much of my formative high school years, frankly, which probably explains a lot. But I digress). However, I do know that it's an allegorical poem about Dante's travels from Hell to Purgatory and then, finally, to Heaven. 

But since everyone knows that all dogs go straight to Heaven, it wouldn't really make sense for me to substitute Jon Farleigh and Dewi for Dante in some outrageous Halloween parody of his classic work, now would it?

No, it wouldn't. So, that is why I've inserted them into this ridiculous meme instead! 

From Dollar Tree:
Tablecloth : $4
Angel costume: $3.75
Devil costume: $2.75

Corgis in Furgatory: priceless ☺

(Don't you love how those horns are perfectly in line with Jon Farleigh's ears? hehe)

But hold on! Did you think I'd take 149 pictures and only post one? Well, not today, OK!

Here, have 17 more!

By the way, is anyone surprised about who's wearing what costume? ☺

 

Happy Halloween!