Tuesday, December 9, 2014

10 (Previously Published) Reasons My Dogs Are Strange + One 'Scary-Spice' New One

Note: This post has nothing to do with Mel B.

A few days ago, after posting on Facebook about how the dogs had been particularly barky that morning, a reader brought up in comments how her beloved dog, Nugget, had a few quirky barking habits of his own. One of those habits, she went on to say, even necessitates a psych ritual (as in she has to psych herself up for the impending bark fest) every time she uses the hair dryer. (yikes!)



And so, I told her about how I can't open my spice drawer, without Jon Farleigh going ballistic and trying to "kill" all the spice jars with his nose.

We agreed that we both needed to get the spectacles on video.

Today, I have upheld my end of the "bargain." For your viewing pleasure:

Jon Farleigh, Trying to Save Us All From a Dried Parsley Attack

video


And now, I have a few questions for you:

1. Has anyone else's dog - now or ever, in the collective generations of all your family trees - attacked a spice bottle?
2. Do you think Jon Farleigh needs an intervention, or some seasoning-directed-anger management counseling? Before he actually does "kill" all the spices?
3. Can anyone recommend a dog counselor with those credentials?
4. Does anyone else think Jon Farleigh's still cute, even when he's acting like an angry, canine alien?

By the way, I answered "yes" to that last question, because I'm a crazy dog lady. ☺

So, who wants to revisit 10 other ways my dogs (BOTH of them) are strange? (I swear, I couldn't make this stuff up, even if it came to me in a dream. Also, this is not an exhaustive list.)

OK, YAY! Here you go!

Originally posted on November 4, 2013...

10 (Previously Unpublished) Reasons Why My Dogs Are Strange


Sometimes I go through the better part of a day just scratching my head in wonderment. Is it possible that they are alien, dog impostors?

10 Reasons Why My Dogs Are Strange

1. Jon Farleigh: Carries a "pacifier/binky" (e.g., Kong, bone, sock, stuffie, bottle) everywhere he goes. If it's not in his mouth (like when he's eating/sleeping), it's within easy grasp.

His pacifier du jour.

2. Dewi: When on car rides, prefers to travel with his whole snout shoved into the corner of the backseat.

3. Jon Farleigh: Whenever a cat leaves the room in which he's occupying, charges after the animal, while violently shaking his "pacifier"-toting head. Note: No animals have ever been injured during this process (in fact, the cats mostly roll their eyes); however, some (humans included) have been jarred awake from sound sleep.

4. Dewi: Humps Jon Farleigh every time he (Jon Farleigh) charges a cat leaving the room. (Recap: Cat leaves room; JF charges cat; Dewi humps JF. Repeat, as necessary.)

5. Jon Farleigh: Growls whenever he's enjoying a particularly good back scratch.

6. Dewi: Screams in fear whenever he thinks he's going to get his nails trimmed* (as in, I am holding his paw in one hand and the clippers in the other). And by scream, I mean scream (not whine, not yelp, not bark - scream). Like this baboon scream:


Like this, except not fake. And with clippers.

Like the last time we went to the vet for his annual physical, and they needed some blood for his heartworm check*...


Me to vet assistant: He might scream. He screams when I handle his paws and he sees the nail clippers.
Assistant: That's okay, a lot of dogs do. Just hug him, like so, while we get a little blood from his wrist.
Me: [hugs Dewi]
Dewi: SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM!!!!!!
Dead people: [wake up]
Me: [soothingly to Dewi] It's okay, buddy, it's all over! What a good boy! 
Vet tech: All we did was swab the site with alcohol; keep hugging him! We need to get the vessel on the first try.
Me: [to myself] Good lord, it was just a swab?!?!
1/2 dozen or so bystanders staring through the examining room door: [wonder whether to call 911] 
Me: [To myself] I told them he'd scream. [to Dewi] It's okay, buddy, just a little bit longer! Good boy! Good boy! [to the Heavens] Please, God, please let that needle go in the vein on the first try.
Dewi: [quiet]
Vet tech: All done! Good job, Dewi! [Straight-up lies, while wiping beads of sweat off her brow.]
The vet'll be by in a few minutes to read the test.

7 minutes later...

Vet: [smiling] I understand this guy got a little upset getting his blood drawn. 
Dewi: [wiggles and beats tail out of sheer joy]
Me: [trying not to giggle] Yeah, but he's okay now. It was just his feet. He'll be perfectly unfazed by the rest of the exam, including his shots. Really.
Vet: OK, but I've got something here that'll keep him busy - just in case - while I give him the shots. [produces jar of ground chicken baby food; proceeds to spoon half of it into a paper bowl, and place it in front of Dewi]
Me: [to myself, as Dewi scarfs down the food] Boy, does that dog know how to work a room. :-/

Addendum: I forgot to mention that - when he doesn't perceive me to have the clippers - Dewi loves to have his paws handled. In fact, he voluntarily "hands" them to me for all-over, between-the-pad massages. And because his feet smell deliciously of Fritos, I happily oblige! How's that for strange?!

* Update 2014: At his last well-check, the vet tech took blood from Dewi's jugular vein (vs. his wrist). It was blissfully drama-free (and, per the vet tech, a completely routine place from which to get blood from a dog). 

...OK, back to the list...

7. Jon Farleigh: Yaps and "pecks" (bonks) Maddox with his nose whenever Maddox walks into the kitchen. Conversely, is afraid to get within 5 feet of Maddox everywhere else in the house.

Like this, except in the kitchen and with a lot more bonks. 

8. Dewi: Is afraid of inflated balloons.

9. Jon Farleigh: Hates so badly when the cats play with string, that he steals the string, shakes it until it's "dead," and then sits on it for safe keeping. 

10. Jon Farleigh and Dewi: Have no fear of loud noises, including (knock knock) thunder. Probably because those loud noises - compared to their loud protests against string and nail clippers, for example - pale in comparison. 

* Dewi has not always screamed (at me) while getting nail trims, nor has he ever experienced a nail injury. However, the screaming and stress is why I (mostly) take him to the groomer for nail trims now, because, for some reason, he does not scream at her.

(And, in case you're wondering, I like my dogs strange. My cats, too. I mean really, like I'm the picture of normalcy!)

So, tell me, what strange things do your dogs (or cats, if you don't have dogs) do?

6 comments:

  1. What a hysterical list. WtH does he have against the spice drawer?? Abby was really nutty about foil, but that was kinda understandable, since it would make reflections on the ceiling when you handled it. I could NOT get the foil out of the drawer without her racing into the room! Rita is weird too, of course. E.g. If you give her just a little piece of the end of a bread stick, she will happily accept it. BUT, if you try to hand her an entire breadstick, she turns her head away in disgust. Odd. So odd.

    ReplyDelete
  2. My old dog had a binky too. A deflated soccer ball. He would carry it around and throw it in the air and play catch with himself. We'd spy on him doing this in the backyard. Used to love that.

    ReplyDelete
  3. The spice cupboard that is just the funniest. Love all those quirky things they do. Here it is going nuts and barking furiously at anything like a windmill, wind farms propellers etc when on the TV. No idea why. Have a wonderful Wednesday.
    Best wishes Molly

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wait, if your dog is weird for barking at parsley, what is my dog for barking at your dog barking at parsley?

    ReplyDelete
  5. THAT SCREAM! Oh my goodness. And Mort... well he goes to bite, so maybe I shouldn't say much about the scream.

    Oh yeah, I got him listening to that menace of a sound on video. Will be sharing that shortly...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Here it is - it got a bit of a tilt! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6whEEiqtbwE

      Delete

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