Because it's the 316th +/- day of the year (out of 365.25) that my dogs shed nearly all their fur, I've decided to commemorate the occasion with a rare interview of their brush, without whom more than just two vacuums might have died.
Note: The brush is actually a set of conjoined (at the back) twins (Felix and Gruel). I have interviewed them both.
Felix |
Me: So Felix, tell me about your typical day on the job.
Felix: So, I lie around in a dark cabinet. Then someone gets me out. And I get rubbed all over some dog's delicate areas that don't shed much. Then someone feels me up, and puts me back in the cabinet.
M: Huh, that sounds pretty simple, really. Don't you get bored?
F: No. I'm a brush.
M. True. So, what's your favorite ice cream flavor?
F. Blue Bunny Birthday Party. 'Cuz every day is a party, man!
M. Well, look at that; our time is up! Thanks for taking the time to talk with me today, Felix!
F. You betcha!
Next up: Gruel
Gruel |
Me: So, Gruel, I'm dying to know: what made you decide to be a brush for a living?
Gruel: I was born angry, lady (grrrrr). I'LL FIGHT YA WITH TWO HANDS BEHIND MY BACK! (grrrrr) LET ME AT 'EM!
M: Oh, I see. You have anger issues. Naturally. Well, how about your typical day? How do you mentally and physically prepare for the job?
G: You know that scene in Bambi? When his mama....? Yeah, BANG!!! WHAT THE FLOCK?! SOME ASSHAT JUST POPPED A CAP IN BAMBI'S MAMA! rrrrraaAAAHH! LET ME AT 'EM! I'LL RIP HIS HAIR OUT WITH MY TEETH!
Oh, yeah. And I eat Wheaties for breakfast.
M: Alrighty then. Just one more question - for the fans: what's you favorite ice cream flavor?
G: Ben & Jerry's Schweddy Balls. Ever heard of it?
M: Yeah, I have actually, but didn't it get discontinued?
G: Do what?! rrrrAAAAHHHHH! NOT MY SCHWEDDY BALLS! I'LL KILL THEM WITH MY TEETH!! RAHHHHHH!
M: And, that's all the time we have for today, folks! Tune in next time when I interview these other fine dog grooming utensils:
The Shear Sisters |
and...
Mr. C (for Cookie, as in Cookie Cutter) |
and...
Darla, the lovesick Dremel |
And remember...
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I'm mostly speechless accept for that my dinner got cold so I could read an interview with not one but two corgi brushes! And that is my symptom of crazy for my 317th straight day of corgi coat blowing!
ReplyDeleteHow nice; no one's ever let their food get cold for my blog before! ;) Thanks for being crazy!
DeleteLOL! Love it.
ReplyDeleteYay! Thank you!
DeleteInstruments of torture! No wonder the boys are hiding their eyes!
ReplyDeleteBOL! Love it! Are those REALLY the only instruments of torture (that's what Barkly calls them) you have in your cabinet of cruelty?
ReplyDeleteWell, yes. Unless you count the bottles of shampoo and conditioner. And the tidy-up wipes, for those less than fresh days. :)
DeleteLove the part about the brush getting felt up. Too funny. (On a related note, the inside of your head must be an interesting place. Who else interviews their dogs' brushes?! Very creative!)
ReplyDeleteThank you. :) And as far as the inside of my head is concerned, it's being invaded by 10-year-old me's repressed imagination. And I've been waiting a mighty long time for that to happen!
DeleteI think I'd like to take a tour of that place sometime...
DeleteOh my, hilarious
ReplyDeleteLily
Hahahaha! Could you imagine if these things could really talk?
ReplyDelete