*Merrick's idea, but the words out of Jon Farleigh's and Dewi's mouths? 100%
Welcome students! The name of this class is How to Craft a Personal Ad in Search of the Best Dog Parent Ever - 101. If that's not what's printed on your schedule, perhaps you should learn how to read. As for the humans auditing the class online: pay attention; there will be a test. Or a giveaway. Either way, you've gotta pay close attention!
Alright, so let's think about our objective for a moment: We're all dogs, yes? And by design, all dogs, individually, are the best dog ever (are you with me)? Because every dog is different, and made specifically for different types of humans. So, just so I'm clear: being the best dog ever isn't bad; it's just life. Capiche? Good!
Hold on, I lost my train of thought (darn cat)...Oh yes! So our objective is to craft a personal ad in search of the most ideal human dog parent for our individual needs. Not that any of you are currently without a human parent, but in the terrible event you find yourself in that situation, just think how well prepared you'll be having gone through this exercise! In other words, think of it as an "insurance policy" on future inter-species matches made in heaven! Yippee!
So, let's get started with a couple examples of how NOT to write your personal ad.
Here we have...
Example #1 - Unrefined Dog
Who'd like to tell me what's wrong with this? Hellooooo? COME ON, PEOPLE! This kind of thing might work for the dogs on the South Jersey Shore, but NOT HERE! Not unless your perfect pet parents are Snooki and JWoww! NEXT!
And, here we have...
Example #2 - Dog With Inflated Self Worth
[Insert 5 seconds of Jon Farleigh staring deadpan into your eyes.]
Wow. Who here would like to buy a car? Because the only bites you're gonna get with this ad are from lonely car collectors! Wanna sit on blocks in a garage/museum for the rest of your life?!
Also, all the foods in the world?! Let me guess - you slept through Dog Physiology and Nutrition 101?? Good grief!
Hey, you down there! Pay attention!
And you! Hecklers will not be tolerated!
[Cue crickets chirping.]
Alright, class, listen up. There's only one basic rule you need to remember for this ad writing business: Be your "Best Dog Ever" self! That's it! And remember, to be your best dog ever self, you need to start with a good, preferably all natural, high protein, made in the USA with locally sourced (not from China), farm-fresh ingredients DOG FOOD (like our sponsor, Merrick, makes, in fact)! And, that's where your most awesome pet parent comes in!
So, check THIS ad out...
Example #3: Best Dog Ever (for Real; Because You're Just Being You!)
Alright, for this next segment, I need a volunteer. Hey you, down there, get up here!
[Insert brief set-change pause and a word from Bobby Flay O'Fish on behalf of our sponsor.]
[And now we return to our regularly scheduled classroom programming...and Dewi.]
Dewi: What the heck am I supposed to be doing up here, teacher?
Jon Farleigh: See that can of food? Yeah, well if you lie there in front of it and look at the camera, you might actually get to eat some of it. Got it?
Dewi: Like this?
JF: Yes, that.
OK (still Jon Farleigh, here), let's talk a bit about dog food varieties. As in, if you could pick your own, out of all the ones in the store, what might it look like? How about this?
This can of Merrick grain-free Turducken (yes, like the meat Paula Deen makes for her family at Thanksgiving) might be one of your selections, yes? So, when you're writing your personal ad for the best pet parent ever, think about how you'd best get across the whole "good for you and also tastes yummy" food bit. Plus, try not to come across as an unrefined dolt, or a snoot. Good dogs are neither of those things.
So, who wants to crack open a can of turducken and have a tasting party?! [Eagerly raises his own paw, as does Dewi.]
[Enter key grip -aka one who has thumbs- to crack open the can.]
(Note: Just testing to make sure it's not just the pretty label the dogs are attracted to. In fact, please note that they're really not concerned with the label at all. Also, hover over the video and click the volume icon to hear sound!)
[Cue can-CRACKING noise and meaty aroma.]
Dewi: Oh, mama!
Jon Farleigh: Oh, mama of mamas!
(Note to camera person: Next time, refrain from standing on your head during takes.☺)
And that's a wrap, er...I mean the end of class! Any questions? No? Well, GUESS WHAT?! Remember how I said all you humans out there auditing needed to pay attention? Yeah, well, I wasn't kidding.
Now, which one of you** wants to win a WHOLE MONTH'S SUPPLY (to be worked out with the brand, if you win) of anything (including a combo of things) in the vast line of (5-star kitchen-cooked) Merrick dog food recipes?! (Hint: I'm betting your best-dog-ever will approve.)
Use the Rafflecopter below to enter! I'll announce the winner in 2 weeks; good luck!
**Giveaway entrants must be U.S. residents and at least 18 years old.
a Rafflecopter giveaway
This post is sponsored by Merrick and the Pet Blogger Network. I'm being compensated for helping spread the word about Merrick Pet Care and their Best Dog Ever campaign, but Chronicles of Cardigan only shares information we feel is relevant to our readers. Merrick Pet Care, Inc. is not responsible for the content of this article.