Tuesday, April 21, 2015

STOP the Madness! It's Time for Affirmations and Meditation With Maddox (My Thumbed Cat)

Note: Neither I, nor Maddox, are certified meditation instructors. Frankly, we don't know what the heck we're doing. This is a parody. That said, we dare you not to smile.

Welcome, friends! It's been a tough go of it (your day, life, endeavor to become a professional magician, etc.) and we want to help! Do you have three minutes (of course you do; you're on the internet looking at social media)? Yay! Let's meditate for a bit. But before we start, here are a few helpful hints:

  1. Sit down. If you can't sit (because you're standing in a subway, for example), for dear life, tether yourself to something, so you don't doze off and fall on something sharp! (Note: You won't doze off. Unless you're on the toilet, in which case, I hope you doze off, and your reading device falls in. Because ew! That's just wrong.)
  2. Imagine you're sitting beside a picturesque waterfall, NOT Niagara Falls, though. Too violent.
  3. Get over any issues you might have with giant tabby cats who have thumbs. Especially old ones named Maddox, with crooked whiskers and eyes slightly cocked. Maddox and his paws are a gift to stressed humans. Trust me.
Alright, you're almost there! To start, Maddox will say several affirmations directly to you (feel free to read them out loud; no one will care), and then he'll lead you through some calming imagery. Ready?! OK, shhhh....



affirmations

The sun is shining through your window and through your heart.



Today you will take one step toward your dreams.


Snacks make you smile.


You feel a deep connection with your feet.


Today you will be pleasantly surprised.


You are in a state of pure joy.


You are grateful for your breath, no matter how bad it might smell.



You are a calm airplane passenger.


You look for humor and fun in as many situations as possible.


Meditation is calming and will help you not have road rage.


meditation

And now, repeat the word "catnip" while viewing the following photos (and remember to breathe).

catnip


catnip


catnip


catnip



catnip


{Now, do that again, in reverse.}

end of session

Please use caution not to stumble while exiting, and have a pleasant day. ☺

Note: Maddox will not accept money.

Bonus Sound Effects


Maddox is a former shelter cat. We adopted him in 2012 from the Richmond SPCA. He was nine years old and on a prescription diet to maintain his urinary tract health. He is a polydactyl, and my soul man.

12 comments:

  1. Oh, I love it--so funny! Once again, you (and this time, Maddox; last time Jon Farleigh:) have brightened by day.

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    Replies
    1. And once again, Fay, your sweet comment has brightened mine!

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  2. OMD! This was hilarious!!!! And BTW, I just love your header!
    ღ husky hugz ღ frum our pack at Love is being owned by a husky!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you; Glogirly did an awesome job making it for me! :)

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  3. I have such a soft spot for polydactyl kitties and I have no idea why; Maddox is certainly no exception. I can't get over his little tongue lol. Reading back on how you adopted him is wonderful; most people would certainly skip over older cats and gravitate towards kittens. I'm so glad you were able to see the awesomeness that is Maddox.

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    Replies
    1. I'd never met a polydactyl until Maddox and now I notice them (in pictures usually) all over. :) He is one special boy and, I'm convinced, was destined to be mine since before he was born. It was literally instant love the day I first saw him (and he'd been sitting in the shelter for 2.5 years). He is living the good life now!

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  4. Loved this post! So adorable!! Repeating the word Catnip really relaxes the mind and soul LoL!

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    Replies
    1. I think it would be like a cat repeating the word "crack," though. Ignorance is bliss, they say. ;)

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  5. Oh Maddox! "Snacks make you smile." is certainly a true statement. Here's to Polydactyls!
    -Jessica from Beagles & Bargains

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    Replies
    1. Yep, here's to the poly's... and to snacks!

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  6. Woman - I had such a long tough day and you made me laugh SO hard - ty and I needed that; the feet one is classic. Well done!

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  7. Well hello Maddox, you are quite a handsome fella. I'm sure your breath is just fine, regardless of what your mom says.

    P.S. I smiled through the entire video. If that had been my Snickers, he'd have smacked me about 15 seconds into it. Maddox seems quite tolerant! :)

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