National Buffoon's Animal House (with a Side of Bacon) Starring Corgis, Jon Farleigh and Dewi

Original publish date: 5/27/13

Today, just because, I made a parody--starring Jon Farleigh and Dewi--of perhaps the greatest party flick of all time: Animal House. 

I (the buffoon of National Buffoon) call it: 

Animal House, with a Side of Bacon

With...

Jon Farleigh as Jon "Farto" Fartarsky

and

Dewi as Kent "Crappie" Arfman

A brief synopsis:

Kent (Crappie) is pledging the fraternity, of which Jon (Farto) is already a brother. 

The fraternity is:

 

Actual Dog-Greek letters

Translated (in case you don't know Dog-Greek): 

I Smelta Pie

Here is a stanza of the I Smelta Pie unofficial song:

♫ We like fried bacons and we cannot lie!

♫ We eats it with a slice of pie! (apple, of course - this is America.)

End of stanza

And, back to the plot...

So, in order for Crappie to get into I Smelta Pie, he has to go out into the field (where the deer and the antelope cantaloupe Canada Geese play) with Jon Farleigh Farto, but while Farto gets to roll in stinky things, Crappie can only stand by and watch.

Crappie (to himself, as he watches Farto find the stinky spot): Be strong. You can do this.

[sniffing]

Farto (to himself, as he plows his face into the stink): Oh, yeah.

[grunts]

[grunts]

Wowza!

Crappie to Farto: What is it, man?

Farto (to himself, ignoring Crappie, and rolling even more vigorously): Oh, yeah! This is what I'm talking about!

Crappie (as he plunges headlong atop the stinky thing): I give up! I can't take it anymore!

I Smelta Pie, be dammed by a beaver!*

Farto? Wanna go eat some bacon?

The End

Today's post has been brought to you by...

The two dog-sized, bacon neckties I purchased (with my own $2) in the cheap, holiday-themed accessory bins at Target.

Also...

Dear people who're in charge of the cheap holiday-themed accessory decisions at Target:

Remember how I wrote you a letter back in February, lamenting the fact that you offered exactly ZERO Valentine's Day-themed headband accessories, thereby forcing me to make do with "creative" substitutes, such as these green St. Patrick's Day antennae (for important blog posts such as this)?

Yeah, well, you've been redeemed.

♥,

Me

Thank you for reading! Please eat bacon responsibly!

* Despite his foul, disrespectful remark, and failing the stinky-roll abstinence test, Crappie became a full-fledged I Smelta Pie brother. 

BONUS TRACK:

From Animal House, Otis Day and the Knights - "Shama Lama Ding Dong"!

So, what's the silliest thing you ever made your pet wear? I'm talking all the way back to early childhood!

Does your dog roll in stinky things? ☺

[Sound Siren] Special Canine Weather Bulletin...Hurricane Joaquin Edition

Good evening. Jon Farleigh and Dewi here with a special weather bulletin.

As you might know from other, less canine news sources, we (along with millions of other East Coast dogs) are sitting here like rubber ducks, waiting for the uninvited arrival passing of that jerkface Joaquin.

Hurricane #Joaquin watch. pic.twitter.com/uEsGCQNMOp

— Flama (@theFlama) September 30, 2015

[Begin interruption]

Me (from off camera): BOYS?

Boys: Yeah, ma?

Me: Hurricane Joaquin is not that man. It's not a man at all; it's a storm. The picture is a joke.

Boys: Like us in these raincoats?

Me: JK! Hurricane Joaquin is TOTALLY that man!

Boys: Uh, oh kay?

[End interruption]

Geez, how rude. *sigh*
So, where were we? Oh, yeah...JOAQUIN! So he's like this big giant man-head way out in the ocean, and he's swimming north and, as many of you know, is expected to pass right by where a bunch of us live, making this HUGE wake and splashes that might rain down on top of us and the mountains and make the rivers and stuff overflow. See?

And all this commotion and splashing is making all the humans scramble to buy all the bread, milk, eggs, ice and batteries within a million miles, because the peeps are worrying about THIS:

So, we would just like to remind you (so that you do not worry about our stubby-legged selves AND can take immediate precautions - as needed - for your own whatever-sized-legged selves) that we are prepared with our (previously published at Richmond Pet Lovers.com)...

EMERGENCY 24-HOUR DOG'S GUIDE TO SURVIVING A POWER OUTAGE*.

Please also take note that in the event we have to use this guide, we will also be working part-time as human foot warmers.

Please refer to your other (less canine) news sources for current inclement weather information.

* Our power outage survival guide has only been tested one time, on us, and might not be entirely appropriate for your current electrical (or life) situation. Does not apply to cats. 

Dewi, why does your jacket seem like it repels water better than mine?

Because, bro, I'm Batman.

☺

Be safe, y'all! (For real! Be prepared; flooding is NO joke.)

Notes:

• The Hurricane Sandy version of this canine weather bulletin was published previously.
• Apologies to Joaquin Phoenix.
• To the beautiful people of the Bahamas, who will surely suffer great loss due to this storm, you are in our hearts and prayers. 

Tacky Cardigan With Words on It (Tabloid Edition): Pea Soup

All I'm saying is, maybe Linda Blair's character just needed to swig a bottle of maximum strength Kaopectate?

(Enlarged) Fine print:

• This is fake.
• No dogs or paparazzi were harmed during the making of this photo.
• Jon Farleigh has never eaten a raw green pea (though, he has eaten cooked green peas, but not a bunch all at once).
• He was not sick.
• No one threw up.
• Dewi did not jump out the window.
• I have no idea why Jon Farleigh was angry at the back of the seat.
• Maybe he was angry at me for not taking him to the CVS drive-thru to get a dog biscuit. 
• I don't have a vegetable garden. 
• I don't know how to grow my own food.
• Elvis clones could be made from alien poop; how am I to disprove this?
• I do not work for the Daily Mail (but I am not above reading it online, sometimes).

☺

Sweatin' to the Summertime Oldies: Corgi Beach Karaoke with Jon Farleigh, Dewi and Merrick Seasonals Dog Food

Note: This post has nothing to do with exercising to old music, leg warmers, or Richard Simmons.

Disclosure: There's no beach in our backyard. Just pretend the brown grass is sand.

Also...

Merrick has given me (for free) 100% of their summer seasonals dog food pictured and 88.6% of the creative spark for this blog post. The dogs' good looks, tacky holiday-themed accessories, singing voices and opinions, however, are 100% their own.

And with that, here's Jon Farleigh. 

[Shhh, y'all. Please don't let on that you've noticed his outfit. You wouldn't believe how hard it was for me to get him to go on camera like this!]

Thanks for coming, everybody; I'm Jon Farleigh.

When I think of summertime, six things come to mind:

1. Meat
2. Getting hot
3. Cooling off
4. Meat and fish
5. Foods that go well with meat and fish
6. Singing festive songs

OK, maybe there's an extra meat in there, but it's like this: When I'm slinking around the backyard and all that grill smoke goes wafting by my nostrils, it just makes thinking about anything but meat near impossible. Shoot, I should've added a third (and in all caps) MEAT to that list! (Next year, for sure!)

Tip: Click the play button down below for a heightened sensory grilling-experience.

But before I get going here, let's just make a couple things clear (for us dogs):

• Meat is good, but GRILLS ARE HOT! Just DO NOT get on, nor anywhere near, them while the peeps are charring that meat! Have you ever smelled burning fur? No? Well, I smelled some burning peep fur that got caught in the hair dryer, and let me tell you, IT SMELLS BAD. Nasty, burning fur smell does NOT mingle well with burning meat smell. Plus, singed fur. Just no. 
• Meat is good, but the human kind, with the grease and sticky marlinades (sp?) and stuff? It WILL MAKE YOUR colon BLOW (pardon my French), if you eat too much! And by too much, I mean, not even enough to make you full! Yes, it sucks! But think of your colon, and - for the love of regularity - be happy with the measly scraps they throw you!

Hold up; I dropped my bribe treat. Hey, does that say "POO"?? 

OK, I'm back.

Hey, you know that old peep saying that you "can't have your cake and eat it too"? (Ha, you can have it IN YOUR BELLY. Sorry, I digress.) Well, guess what? It doesn't apply to grilled meat! Nope, thanks to the magic chefs at Merrick - who cooked up all their new, summer seasonals* recipes - we can have our grilled meat (no flames required) AND...EAT IT ALL! (OK, not all, as in a whole truckload of a seasonals recipe, but enough to fill your regular-sized dinner plate!) Woo hoo! Yay for summer and Merrick dog food!

Do you know what else? With all the delicious, summer music-inspired recipe names, I thought Dewi and I would do a little karaoke for you all! Maybe your peep'll get you some of this mouth-slobbering summertime food, so you can have some dinner while you watch! It'll be like we're having a virtual barbecue on the brown grass dog beach! 

Hey, Dewi, you're up! Get over here!

(to Jon Farleigh, off camera) Yeah, man. What am I supposed to be doing?

(Jon Farleigh, from off camera) Turn around and talk to the party-ers, ya dork!

(Dewi, to himself) Takes one to know one, butt munch.

Oh, hey, y'all. Having fun yet? What was that? You say, "your fun quotient will rise a thousand percent when JF and me get up and sing"?? Well, HOT DOG! Let's get this party started, baby!

Yee haaaaaaaaaaw!

Inspired by Summer Lovin' Stew™...

Summer Nights (Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta, Grease original soundtrack)










Click the play button to hear the song!

♪♪ Summer lovin' had me a blast.

♪♪ Summer lovin' happened so fast.

♪♪ Met a girl crazy for me.

♪♪ Met a boy cute as can be.

♪♪ Summer days drifting away
To, uh oh, those summer nights.

Well-a well-a well-a huh?

::: CUT! :::

Oh, NO! The karaoke stops right here, y'all! There's nothing more to tell here, got it?!

(darn straight.)

Alright, alright. That's not the only song we're playing. Check this out...

Inspired by Surf n' Turf USA™...

Surfin' USA
(The Beach Boys)













Click play, if you wanna hear it!
  

♪♪ If everybody had an ocean
Across the USA.
Then everybody'd be surfin'
Like Californi-a.

♪♪ You'd see 'em wearing their baggies
Huarache sandals too.
A bushy bushy blond hairdo
Surfin' USA.

:::CUT!:::

What the heck is this song even about, man? I'm talking about surf n' turf! Steak and shrimp! If everybody had an ocean, everybody'd need a fishing pole! And what the fudge pudding does a bushy bushy blond hairdo have to do with it?! Maybe we can see the hibachi sandals...wait. HIBACHI SANDALS? Surfer shoes double as hibachi's??

OMD, that's just DUMB!

But speaking of shrimp, hold up, y'all! It's time for our bribe snack...

OK, next up: our finale! Let's leave this brown lawn sandbox with a BANG, y'all!

Inspired by Star Spangled Supper™...

The Star-Spangled Banner
(Francis Scott Key, lyrics)
















You know the drill!

♪♪ O! Say can you...

:::CUT!:::

You know what? Some songs are better left unsung by two hammy Cardigan corgis, agreed? But the kids who're singing in that sound clip? Give them a listen, K?

What an AWESOME country this is, y'all!

Hey, wasn't this fun? Let's do it again sometime, OK? Bye, now!

(Jon Farleigh to a fan on the front row) What's that? A pawtograph? Yeah, find me in the yard later. 


* Just like their year-round wet dog food recipes, Merrick seasonals (in addition to having punny names) are always grain-free, contain real, deboned meat as the first ingredient, and are made in the USA, in Merrick's own kitchen, using locally sourced ingredients. Give them a follow on Facebook and Twitter for the latest news and deals!

Psst! Hey, you! Wait up a minute. I'm Chef Bobby Flay O'Fish, and you can't leave without one LAST song from me, the feline grilling (and Cardi-house) master himself!

Though, please note: I DO NOT eat dog food. But I do eat Merrick CAT food when it's served. 

Here we go: Barnyard on the Grill (by Jeff YokeUp Petkevicius)!

Ahem.

♪♪ Barnyard on the grill
It's a barnyard on the grill.
It's cows and pigs and chicken on a heap
Cuz that's what we all love to eat!
(repeat verse)

Let's go barbecue! 

{drops mic}