13 Things (besides obscenities) to Not Name Your Dog

Note: Oftentimes - when sitting down to write a blog post - I strive to be helpful. Other times, all I can manage to be is ridiculous. You can decide what kind of day today was. 

Jon Farleigh (emphasis on "far") has a nice ring to it, no? 

After repeating my dogs' (and cats', frankly) names for the 297th time the other day, it dawned on me how important it is (for anyone who speaks their pet's name on a regular basis) to carefully plan how that's going to play out (audibly, and psychologically - for both the human and dog) before making a moniker permanent. And so, naturally, my mind took off running to places that other minds...well, frankly, don't. Anyway, I hope you find the following fruits of my mental journey (down the road of dog-naming no-no's) useful.

A few things you might want to ask yourself during the dog name-selection process:

<> Can I say it without getting tongue-tied?

<> Can I say it (with a playful or melodic rise in tone) so my dog will actually want to answer to it? (Ex: Sparky v. Spunk)

<> Will I get arrested (or make the news, like this woman in Scotland) for shouting it in public?

<> Will hearing it make me or my dog need xanax?

<> Will it make me want to dry-heave?

<> Could it become a self-fulfilling prophesy?

13 Things (based on the above) That You Should NOT Name Your Dog

13. Here Kitty Kitty

12. I. P. Freely

11. Sonorous*

10. National Debt

9. Turnip

8. Beet

7. Liver

6. Shh

5. Mammogram

4. Colon {anything}

3. Help (No, really. This is what happens when you name your dog Help - or Yelp, which sounds like help.)

2. Fire

1. Stay

He's red, yes. But is he a "Beet"? Not so much..

As for the photo, I took it with my iPhone and edited it (mostly) on my PC, in PicMonkey, using texture. And on a personal note, if any of you ever wondered whether dogs have souls, the answer is yes. I know this because a piece of Jon Farleigh's is caught in this image. 

* After writing the title for this post - for fun - I googled it to see how many other similarly-titled articles already existed. I found a few (not a ton), but of note was one published at Psychology Today (dot) com. You can read it here. (Hint: It's seriously serious, even claiming that dogs don't like the "unrelenting pressure" of wearing things [for example, cheap holiday-themed accessories from Target] on their heads. [insert eye-roll] ) Yes, anyway, at the bottom of the author's (an academic) list of things to consider when naming a dog was, "...make it a sonorous word - sonorous to you."
Think about that for a moment. (OK, time's up.)

Sonorous. Sonorous?

This is obviously why I should stick to writing nonsense, because - first of all - WHAT THE HECK DOES SONOROUS MEAN? (was what I was thinking). Is it related to sound? Because it sounds like a weird combination of ominous and sonar? And thanks a lot, Psychology Today, I now feel like a complete imbecile! (end of thought rant)

Then I looked up the definition of "sonorous" at dictionary.com.
Sonorous: (contextual meaning) rich and full in sound, as language or verse.

In other words, your dog's name should be pleasing to YOUR ear. Ironically, "sonorous" is one of the least pleasing words that my ear has ever heard; therefore, I have decided never to speak it out loud. So don't name your dog Sonorous, OK? ;)

Have you any experience with dog names gone terribly wrong?