((ring)) 'ACME Brand Pyrotechnics, Voice of Reason Speaking'

"Yes, hello. I'd like to order one deluxe TNT-powered rocket."

© Warner Bros.

"Um, okay."

"Yeah, so there's this beanpole bird that I want to eat for lunch, but it always outruns me. Imagine the look on his face when I blow past him on my rocket."

"Oh, in that case, might I recommend the deluxe ACME rocket GPS? It's pre-programmed with the addresses of the 50 nearest Emergency medical facilities...you know, in case you overshoot your target. It comes with a free anvil."

*****

The good news, friends?

When it comes to pyrotechnics (fireworks), dogs are smarter than Wile E. Coyote.
They have no use for them (read: they hate them with the ferocity of 1,000 erupting volcanoes).

The bad news?

 When it comes to food, dogs are more wily than Wile E. Coyote.
They're perfectly happy to scavenge their bird (burger, steak, hot dog, chips, corn on the cob, etc.) when the humans drop or leave it unattended.

If the fireworks on our cheap holiday-themed headbands from Target were real,
the only thing you'd see in this photo is the pile of Hershey bricks (that we just pooped).

Clearly, dogs, pyrotechnics, delicious birds (and various other non-sanctioned "human" food items) don't mix.

And, my point?

BE SMARTER THAN YOUR DOG DURING UPCOMING INDEPENDENCE DAY CELEBRATIONS, BECAUSE WILE E. COYOTE, HE IS NOT.

Oh, by the way, I'm fully aware that (besides the 5 people who got here by way of a Google "pyro" search) I'm preaching to the choir. But that's okay, because what I really hope you'll do is share the following July 4th pet safety infographic (from Petfinder) with your friends, family and acquaintances (hint: you can always claim your finger "accidentally" pressed the Post/Tweet button)!

But that's not all! Click HERE for the full gallery of Petfinder's Summer Pet Safety infographics, including several social sharing (e.g., Twitter, Facebook) options.

Now, commence the party planning!

Next up on the blog: A (RARE) GIVEAWAY!
(Hint: It's partly frozen, partly inedible and totally fun! Yay!)

Bonus Audio-Visual Clip:


The Road Runner Show Original TV Theme Song!

Git Along, Lil' Dwarf Dogies - A Song Parody with Funny Pet Outtakes

Preface: If you haven't read last week's post about my farm animal and vet (as in doctor) dreams, I think you ought. Unless you don't give a corroded penny whether you have context for the ridiculousness that you are about to see. In which case, whatever. ;-)

So, who knows the folk song (made famous in the 1940s by Roy Rogers) "Git Along, Little Dogies"? OK, fine, how about the Chipmunks version? The Muppets? What about Barney? Whoopee-ti-yi-yo? Anyone??

Well, you know what? It doesn't matter whether you know it or not. Just listen already.

♪♫♪♫ As I was out walkin' one mornin' for pleasure

I spied some catpunchers a-ridin' along.

I'z a cat. And I punch dogies.

They ears was throwed back and they purrs was a-idlin'

And as they approached they was singin' this song:

I'z gone sing now, y'all.

Whoopee-ti-yi-yo! Git along, lil' dwarf dogies!

Git.

'Tis your misfortune and none of my own.

We haz a misfortune.

Whoopee-ti-yi-yo! Git along, lil' dwarf dogies!

Git.

Your legs never growed and you look like a gnome.

(repeat refrain, with gusto)

WHOOPEE-TI-YI-YO! Git along, lil' dwarf dogies!

I ain't no gnome.

'Tis your misfortune and none of my own.

I miss fortune.

WHOOPEE-TI-YI-YO! Git along, lil' dwarf dogies!

I need'a git me a snack.

Your legs never growed and you look like a gnome. ♪♫♪♫

Well, I'll be doggoned. Maybe I iz a gnome. 

The End

*****

Oh, and there's this:

His name is Bobby Flay O'Fish. My Our new foster kitten. :-)

I plucked him off a 6-lane highway last Saturday. Harrowing, I tell you. :-(

(P.S. If you follow(ed) me on Instagram and/or Twitter, you'd know these types of things already. Ahem.)

The little guy (approx. 7 wks. old) was feral, but we're taming him, and, as you can see, he's taking to human contact like a (Bobby Flay O') fish to water, so to speak. ;-)

Stay tuned.

And have a marvelous weekend!

Bonus video track:

Arlo Guthrie parodies "Git Along, Little Dogies" (in episode 408, from this exact week in June of 1979) on The Muppet Show!

To Be Honest, My Childhood Dreams Involved Being a Vet, not Getting Adopted in My 40s

Well, who dreams of that (getting adopted in their 40s)?! Not me.

No, when I was a kid - like plenty of other little animal-loving people - when I wasn't staging elaborate drama productions with my pet Siamese cat and 376 (named) stuffed animals - I hunted for toads...and wanted to grow up to be a veterinarian.

Hey, Mom said we get to do blood and gore today!

We look like we beat up a jar of grape jelly, you fur-brain. 

Or a zoo keeper.

Or (briefly) Hayley Mills in the (1965) Disney movie That Darn Cat!.

Of course, I also wanted to have 12 kids and live on a farm. And on that farm, I'd have every kind of farm animal imaginable.

As pets.

moo.*

bleat.
(Rare Welsh Longwool Butt-Head Ram)

And all 14 of us (humans) would greet each day with bated breath, frolicking with the animals in the fields, milking cows and making homemade ice cream and apple pies. ;)

But, back to that vet thing. Yeah, so I had lofty aspirations, but then I got distracted, and fell in a hole...left my homework on the kitchen table...joined the YMCA...threw my shoulder out...burned dinner (to the 10th power)...saw some Corgis running in a field...had a joyous out-of-body experience...drove the wrong way down a one-way street...used explicit language...with my kids in the car...

And, well, you know, I never became a vet.

Thass kewl.

But, a few years ago (after many years of waiting for the right time), I got two Corgis - I believe you know their names. Thankfully, they got along (mostly) with my herd of rescue cats.

Then, a few months later (because I was desperate to to share them with the world), I logged into Blogger and created The Chronicles of Cardigan.

'Member when we looked like this???
(snapshot via Wayback Machine)

And then, while still a struggling new pet blog author, I found myself at a blogging conference (called BlogPaws), from which I gained a few (cherished) blogging friends, had loads of fun with the dogs, and (notably, among several pet brands represented) exchanged cards with Jane, a producer for Petfinder.com ("...the searchable database for hundreds of thousands of adoptable pets from more than 14,000 adoption groups from across the U.S., Canada and Mexico...").

I might have mentioned them (Petfinder) in a few of my blog posts in the years since that day. OK, so I've mentioned them (along with a few homeless pets available for adoption) in like 19 separate blog posts (before today). (All because of that simple card swap with Jane at BlogPaws in 2011, which got me on a partner list, and afforded me advance notice of Petfinder programs.) I consider it (helping Petfinder help animals find forever homes [and they have helped more than 20,000 of them since 1996]) a privilege. Especially since I'm free to "help" in such a delightfully (offbeat and sometimes odd) creative way!

We went.

So, a couple months ago, when Petfinder announced they were looking for 10 bloggers (with a demonstrated dedication to helping animals in need) to "adopt" (read: honor with a $200 Visa gift card [to offset conference costs], a private lunch with Petfinder's editorial and PR team, a sneak peak at Petfinder's upcoming Summer campaign, and some cool new Petfinder branded goodies) during this year's BlogPaws, I nearly broke my good typing hand filling out the contest application!

And when I learned that I was selected to be one of the 10 bloggers "adopted" at BlogPaws?? It was, well, like a dream. And yet, I couldn't have dreamed it in my wildest childhood dreams (as those - along with being a vet - mostly involved Pop Rocks and Shaun Cassidy).

Funny, how dreams work like that. ;-)



Hmm, you know, the only thing missing from that blog bling up there is a Tiffany-blue box.
Petfinder probably doesn't have those, though. Nope.
But, you know what they do have, that's even better??
Well, I'll tell you:

This gorgeous senior Siamese girl named Tiffany, in front of a Tiffany-blue background!

Precious Tiffany is an adoptable cat in Germantown, MD.

Did you know that you can search for pets (among other ways) by name at Petfinder? Yep, and as of this moment, there are 118 (cats and dogs) named Tiffany waiting to find their forever homes!

*****

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some toads to hunt (love those warty buggers), elaborate animal productions to stage (how do you think I come up with half of the stuff I write?), mouths to feed and pies to bake (not).

Click here to read the official "Adopted Blogger" article - including a complete list of winning blogs and a group photo - at Petfinder.com. 

* Prop product placement credit: Dewi's cow catbell was generously donated to me (at BlogPaws 2013) by the talented Debbie G., aka Glogirly, owner of both the award-winning cat blog of the same name, and Glogirly Design, where, if you hire her, she will pimp your blog (or business cards, logo, etc.) like nobody's bizness. (And by pimp, I mean customize with class, yo.)

Coming up next...Lots more photos and captions from Jon Farleigh and Dewi's (plus select cats') "veterinary infirmary" and "farm animal" photo shoots!



Note: Petfinder did not, nor will they ever, compensate me for mentioning them on this blog. I do it for the animals, and because it's so FLIPPING FUN!