Sweatin' to the Summertime Oldies: Corgi Beach Karaoke with Jon Farleigh, Dewi and Merrick Seasonals Dog Food

Note: This post has nothing to do with exercising to old music, leg warmers, or Richard Simmons.

Disclosure: There's no beach in our backyard. Just pretend the brown grass is sand.

Also...

Merrick has given me (for free) 100% of their summer seasonals dog food pictured and 88.6% of the creative spark for this blog post. The dogs' good looks, tacky holiday-themed accessories, singing voices and opinions, however, are 100% their own.

And with that, here's Jon Farleigh. 

[Shhh, y'all. Please don't let on that you've noticed his outfit. You wouldn't believe how hard it was for me to get him to go on camera like this!]

Thanks for coming, everybody; I'm Jon Farleigh.

When I think of summertime, six things come to mind:

1. Meat
2. Getting hot
3. Cooling off
4. Meat and fish
5. Foods that go well with meat and fish
6. Singing festive songs

OK, maybe there's an extra meat in there, but it's like this: When I'm slinking around the backyard and all that grill smoke goes wafting by my nostrils, it just makes thinking about anything but meat near impossible. Shoot, I should've added a third (and in all caps) MEAT to that list! (Next year, for sure!)

Tip: Click the play button down below for a heightened sensory grilling-experience.

But before I get going here, let's just make a couple things clear (for us dogs):

• Meat is good, but GRILLS ARE HOT! Just DO NOT get on, nor anywhere near, them while the peeps are charring that meat! Have you ever smelled burning fur? No? Well, I smelled some burning peep fur that got caught in the hair dryer, and let me tell you, IT SMELLS BAD. Nasty, burning fur smell does NOT mingle well with burning meat smell. Plus, singed fur. Just no. 
• Meat is good, but the human kind, with the grease and sticky marlinades (sp?) and stuff? It WILL MAKE YOUR colon BLOW (pardon my French), if you eat too much! And by too much, I mean, not even enough to make you full! Yes, it sucks! But think of your colon, and - for the love of regularity - be happy with the measly scraps they throw you!

Hold up; I dropped my bribe treat. Hey, does that say "POO"?? 

OK, I'm back.

Hey, you know that old peep saying that you "can't have your cake and eat it too"? (Ha, you can have it IN YOUR BELLY. Sorry, I digress.) Well, guess what? It doesn't apply to grilled meat! Nope, thanks to the magic chefs at Merrick - who cooked up all their new, summer seasonals* recipes - we can have our grilled meat (no flames required) AND...EAT IT ALL! (OK, not all, as in a whole truckload of a seasonals recipe, but enough to fill your regular-sized dinner plate!) Woo hoo! Yay for summer and Merrick dog food!

Do you know what else? With all the delicious, summer music-inspired recipe names, I thought Dewi and I would do a little karaoke for you all! Maybe your peep'll get you some of this mouth-slobbering summertime food, so you can have some dinner while you watch! It'll be like we're having a virtual barbecue on the brown grass dog beach! 

Hey, Dewi, you're up! Get over here!

(to Jon Farleigh, off camera) Yeah, man. What am I supposed to be doing?

(Jon Farleigh, from off camera) Turn around and talk to the party-ers, ya dork!

(Dewi, to himself) Takes one to know one, butt munch.

Oh, hey, y'all. Having fun yet? What was that? You say, "your fun quotient will rise a thousand percent when JF and me get up and sing"?? Well, HOT DOG! Let's get this party started, baby!

Yee haaaaaaaaaaw!

Inspired by Summer Lovin' Stew™...

Summer Nights (Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta, Grease original soundtrack)










Click the play button to hear the song!

♪♪ Summer lovin' had me a blast.

♪♪ Summer lovin' happened so fast.

♪♪ Met a girl crazy for me.

♪♪ Met a boy cute as can be.

♪♪ Summer days drifting away
To, uh oh, those summer nights.

Well-a well-a well-a huh?

::: CUT! :::

Oh, NO! The karaoke stops right here, y'all! There's nothing more to tell here, got it?!

(darn straight.)

Alright, alright. That's not the only song we're playing. Check this out...

Inspired by Surf n' Turf USA™...

Surfin' USA
(The Beach Boys)













Click play, if you wanna hear it!
  

♪♪ If everybody had an ocean
Across the USA.
Then everybody'd be surfin'
Like Californi-a.

♪♪ You'd see 'em wearing their baggies
Huarache sandals too.
A bushy bushy blond hairdo
Surfin' USA.

:::CUT!:::

What the heck is this song even about, man? I'm talking about surf n' turf! Steak and shrimp! If everybody had an ocean, everybody'd need a fishing pole! And what the fudge pudding does a bushy bushy blond hairdo have to do with it?! Maybe we can see the hibachi sandals...wait. HIBACHI SANDALS? Surfer shoes double as hibachi's??

OMD, that's just DUMB!

But speaking of shrimp, hold up, y'all! It's time for our bribe snack...

OK, next up: our finale! Let's leave this brown lawn sandbox with a BANG, y'all!

Inspired by Star Spangled Supper™...

The Star-Spangled Banner
(Francis Scott Key, lyrics)
















You know the drill!

♪♪ O! Say can you...

:::CUT!:::

You know what? Some songs are better left unsung by two hammy Cardigan corgis, agreed? But the kids who're singing in that sound clip? Give them a listen, K?

What an AWESOME country this is, y'all!

Hey, wasn't this fun? Let's do it again sometime, OK? Bye, now!

(Jon Farleigh to a fan on the front row) What's that? A pawtograph? Yeah, find me in the yard later. 


* Just like their year-round wet dog food recipes, Merrick seasonals (in addition to having punny names) are always grain-free, contain real, deboned meat as the first ingredient, and are made in the USA, in Merrick's own kitchen, using locally sourced ingredients. Give them a follow on Facebook and Twitter for the latest news and deals!

Psst! Hey, you! Wait up a minute. I'm Chef Bobby Flay O'Fish, and you can't leave without one LAST song from me, the feline grilling (and Cardi-house) master himself!

Though, please note: I DO NOT eat dog food. But I do eat Merrick CAT food when it's served. 

Here we go: Barnyard on the Grill (by Jeff YokeUp Petkevicius)!

Ahem.

♪♪ Barnyard on the grill
It's a barnyard on the grill.
It's cows and pigs and chicken on a heap
Cuz that's what we all love to eat!
(repeat verse)

Let's go barbecue! 

{drops mic}

That Picture Don't Make a Lick of Sense: Just What Kind of Show Is This?

Hope you didn't think I'd run out of material for this little blog feature (since it's been a little longer than usual since the last one). Because, no.

So, are you ready?! Cool!

Tell me, WHAT IN THE WORLD is going on in this picture*?

* Some of you might remember this one. In fact, some of you gave me the idea for some of the choices you're about to see. So if you do (remember), congratulations! You've been reading longer than my kid has been able to ride a bike! (Not really, but it's close.) THANK YOU! ☺

A. The old man in orange is getting a cheap thrill. 

B. The poodle is getting a cheap thrill.

C. The older lady is horrified because she knows the old man is getting a cheap thrill. 

D. The older lady's Pomeranian is reciting "Old MacDonald" in his head, while plotting how he's gonna get the treat out of my hand. 

E. I'm trying to get Jon Farleigh to lie down for a treat, because we're contestants in a "best trick" dog contest at the local fall festival. 

F. A., B. and C.

Leave your guess in the comments or on the Facebook page! Thank you!

*****

As for the previous installment...

E. They're cheap Statue of Liberty hats from Target; they were posing for patriotic holiday shoots; and I had no idea how to put them on correctly. You'd think for $1, they could print some directions on the price stickers!

Ta da!

Totally worth the $1, by the way.

'Til next time! ☺

That Picture Don't Make a Lick of Sense: Fashion Statement or Medieval Dog Weapon?

 OK, you guys (you all, y'all, yous, you 'uns)! Are you ready? OK, go!

WHAT IN THE WORLD is going on in these (yes, two, nearly identical, except for the dog) pictures?!

A. I don't understand the question; they look perfectly normal wearing those Hannibal Lecter-like face masks.
B. We were testing out a top-secret product in development called SCAT, CAT! It was designed to keep cats out of your dog's "personal space." (And, incidentally, it works. Unfortunately, though, the cats laughed so hard, they peed outside the box; therefore, we could only rate it 1.5 stars.)
C. I signed the dogs up for a new sport called "Canine Gladiators," and these are their face masks.
D. They're summer BBQ food catchers. If a hot dog (for example) is dropped on the flat part, the dog will only be able to stare at it and drool. In theory. Really, really STUPID theory.
E. They're cheap Statue of Liberty hats from Target; they were posing for patriotic holiday shoots; and I had no idea how to put them on correctly. You'd think for $1, they could print some directions on the price stickers!

Leave your best guess in comments or on the Facebook page! (Yes, I realize the answer is obvious this week, but I don't care. In fact, I don't care if you make up your own answer, as if none of my choices matter a hill of beans! I just like to read your answers, OK?!)

*****

As for last week's picture...

E. I was sad that Jon Farleigh and Dewi had stopped stealing the TP out of the bathroom, like they did as puppies, so I tried to rekindle their desire.

Yes, I did that. They had NO desire. They grew up. Waaaaaaah!

BUT, I did happen to get video of them stealing toilet paper from the bathroom, while they were still puppies. And I used it to make a video parody of Mission Impossible. Have you seen it? (You should!)



My precious boys.☺

Why Does Wile E. Coyote Play With Explosives? (Multiple Choice Quiz)

Allow me to repeat the question:

WHY DOES WILE E. COYOTE PLAY WITH EXPLOSIVES?

A. He is a dunce.
B. He is a cartoon character and has no brain.
C. His creator, Chuck Jones, made him do it. He also gave him 3,478 lives.
D. All of the above.

OK, now answer this question:

WHY DID THE DOG RUN AWAY DURING THE HOLIDAY FIREWORKS DISPLAY?

A. Unlike Wile E. Coyote, he is NO dunce.
B. He has a brain and he uses it, because he is real.
C. His person, whomever that may be, thought he would have fun watching things go boom in the sky.
D. He was terrified and chose to run off rather than get blown up.
E. All of the above.

In summary: Dogs hate fireworks. They are dogs, not Wile E. Coyote. Fireworks are loud and look like raining fire. Please leave your dog(s) at home, safe and secure, while you enjoy the light show.

And now, please enjoy this Road Runner/Coyote parody.
(Anyone else out there wish the coyote would get Road Runner? Does that make me a bad person?☺)

Originally published June 21, 2013.

((ring)) 'ACME Brand Pyrotechnics, Voice of Reason Speaking'

"Yes, hello. I'd like to order one deluxe TNT-powered rocket."

© Warner Bros.

"Um, okay."

"Yeah, so there's this beanpole bird that I'd like to eat for lunch, but he always outruns me. Imagine the look on his face when I blow past him on my rocket!"

"Oh, in that case, might I recommend the deluxe ACME rocket GPS? It's pre-programmed with the addresses of the 50 nearest Emergency medical facilities...you know, in case you overshoot your target. It comes with a free anvil."

*****

The good news, friends?

When it comes to pyrotechnics (fireworks), dogs are smarter than Wile E. Coyote.
They have no use for them (read: they hate them with the ferocity of 1,000 erupting volcanoes).

The bad news?

 When it comes to food, dogs are more wily than Wile E. Coyote.
They're perfectly happy to scavenge their bird (burger, steak, hot dog, chips, corn on the cob, etc.) when the humans drop or leave it unattended.

If the fireworks on our cheap holiday-themed headbands from Target were real,
the only thing you'd see in this photo is the pile of Hershey bricks (that we just pooped).

Clearly, dogs, pyrotechnics, delicious birds (and various other non-sanctioned "human" food items) don't mix.

And, my point?

BE SMARTER THAN YOUR DOG DURING UPCOMING INDEPENDENCE DAY CELEBRATIONS, BECAUSE WILE E. COYOTE, HE IS NOT.

Bonus:


The Road Runner Show Original TV Theme Song!

Quiz Answers: D. and E. (You are so smart!)

Chronicles of Cardigan's Top 11 Most Ridiculous Posts of 2013

Ridiculous meaning most-viewed/read/scanned/gawked at - minus two Blogger how-to's (here and here), a theme park pet care review, and a giveaway. Because, zzzzzz. (No really, none of that stuff is ridiculous; it just gets googled a lot. Which means that today, it is boring and irrelevant. ;)

A preface poem: Your eyes are like paper, and these posts are like glue. When you read them, don't get too close, lest you wind up in the emergency room...like these poor people who may or may not have gotten accidentally glued to things! (Maybe I should've just said they'd get stuck on you. Oh, never mind!) ☺

And, here you go: my 2013 reader favorites (in ascending order)!

11. Dwayne's World Presents: Bohemian Dog Rhapsody (a song parody)

Yes, I dared to go there. It was the hardest post (creatively) I've ever written (laid in my brain percolating for months). And, dang it, if I didn't use ShamWow in a sentence! Pepto Bismol too! Holy cow, what a wacky post!

10. 10 (Previously Unpublished) Reasons Why My Dogs Are Strange

There might be screaming. Crazy@ss baboon screaming. :D

9. 5 Less Obvious Reasons Why I'm Thankful for My Dogs (and How You Can #ShakeItForward)

If you think you might have just seen this one, you're right. It's less than a month old. Wow. What's even better than it making the list, though, is that Iams (for whom I wrote the post, so people would watch a funny dog video, and then for every view up to 500,000, Iams would donate a bowl of food to feed a shelter pet) recently met their goal! Half a million meals are on their way to dogs and cats across the US!

8. National Buffoon's Animal House, With a Side of Bacon

I don't have a clue how this post was borne of my brain. All I did was find a couple of cheap, bacon-patterned neck ties at Target, and the next thing I knew, my dogs were pledging a fraternity. I Smelta Pie, no less.

7. What if LOL Cats Were LOL Cicadas?

You know? I thought I was on to something with this one, but, turns out, people don't really care much for LOL cicadas. I have no idea why. Oh, and there's a really important message about shelter pets in this post. Really and truly, there is.

6. Blogger-to-Blogger Grammar Tips: How to Avoid Homonym Hades (Illustrated With Funny Pet Photos)

In hind sight, I might have been temporarily nuts for publishing a grammar guide (because when one ventures down that road, one better make darn sure one hasn't screwed up one's own grammar, lest one gets a reputation for being a blithering knitwit nitwit). Oh well! (Psst. You'll let me know in comments if I did {screw up my own grammar}, right? Please.)

5. Beer Bottle Cap Pet ID Tags, plus TAKE THE QUIZ on Dogs + Beer in Pop Culture!

So, there's the part at the beginning where I review the Guinness Extra Stout bottle cap tag I got for my kitten, Bobby Flay O'Fish, but then it veers off into dogs and beer, with a pop trivia quiz (that people can still take) at the end. ahem.

4. I Took My Dogs Into Tiffany & Co., and Why This Is Important to Me

This post is two years old, and I was NOT expecting it to be here. But while I've got your attention, have you seen the one where I take the dogs into a Tiffany's at my local dog-friendly mall? Just to say we did it?

3. I Would Do Anything for a Ball, But I Won't Do That

Wherein I test my dogs' aptitude for fetching a tennis ball. The results were shocking...and breathtakingly adorable.

2. 13 Things (besides obscenities) to Not Name Your Dog

Trust me; just don't do it. ANY of it! ☺

1. The Unbearable Cuteness of Being Free

Independence Day like you've never, ever seen it! ♥♥♥

1,000 thank you's for being the best readers a slightly deranged girl could ask for!