Thursday, October 30, 2014

Kitty Shita (an Unoriginal Ditty So Bad, You'll Want to Hide It From Small Children)

Because it's my blog, and I can.

Note: "Shita" is pronounced she-tah, like cheetah, or pita. In a sentence (using a bad Italian accent): I wonder whether the cheetah, who ate the pita, covers up her shita. 



By Patrick Bolduan from Tokyo, Japan (Outhouse) [CC-BY-SA-2.0], via Wikimedia Commons


This post (inspired earlier this week by my cats) is dedicated to all the living beings who poo indoors. Those who poo outdoors, or who are olfactorally (is that a word?) challenged, can feel free to make up their own ditty.


(As for the meter, if you were alive and hearing when you were seven, spent any time on an elementary school bus or playground, and know your way around a baseball diamond, you'll recognize it* in a flash.

FYI: I wanted to do this to the tune of the 80s rap hit Bust a Move, but who has that kind of time? Plus, the verse with "yellow" in it kept throwing me off-topic.)

Caution! The following words, when read in time, and in rapid succession, might trigger an earworm infestation in those who are susceptible. Proceed with caution.




Kitty Shita

I was walking through the door, when it (the stench) knocked me to the floor.
Kitty shita! Kitty shita!



With horror in my eyes, I croaked, "OMG! Did something die?!"
Kitty shita! Kitty shita!

What the frell could she have eaten, to make her turds so flocking stinkin'?
Kitty shita! Kitty shita!




There's irony in being fastidious, when your GI tract is so insidious.
Kitty shita! Kitty shita!

How can you be so tiny, and harbor demons in your hiney?
Kitty shita! Kitty shita!

~~~~~

[insert 15-second pause for drum solo and break dancing...
...3, 2, 1...]


~~~~~

You dug a crater in which to deposit it, took a dump, but failed to cover it.
Kitty shita! Kitty shita!




You might think it's stupid, but you don't have to scoop it.
Kitty shita! Kitty shita!


Company's coming - they'll be here soon; spray Febreze in every room!
Kitty shita! Kitty shita!




And one more thing...


Should you be inclined to judge, I suggest you take a whiff of your own fudge.
Kitty shita! Kitty shita!

***

So, who wants some chocolate?! I have all kinds of it (Milk Duds, Whoppers, Hershey bars, Reese's...) waiting for the trick-or-treaters, and I'm sure I have some to spare! 



OK, maybe next time. 

* The name of the original ditty (author unknown), that we ALL sang in elementary school, is "Diarrhea." If you don't know it, message me privately and I'll get you the words. Hint: If you slide into home and feel a little foam, it's, well, you know

Guess what?! I googled "words that rhyme with diarrhea" today! ☺☺ (There are a butt load of them.)

Also, you might be interested to know that I had a few alternate titles for my ditty (all rhyming with diarrhea, of course):
<> Digested Chia
<> Brown Urea

<> Fudge Tortilla

Oh, and if the dogs had written a ditty on the same subject, it would've been called, "Somebody's Bakin' Cookies; Gotta Get 'Em While They're Warm!"

There would be no other words to their song. 

OK, that's all. Feel free to write your own verse to the ditty and leave it in comments! 


"Hey, did somebody say kitty shita?"

P.S. There might be a (highly unconventional) cat litter/box review in your future. Think of this as the prequel. 

Friday, October 17, 2014

NWT Custom Artisan Pet Tag, Engraved With 'Tessa' and My Phone # - Buy It Now, OBO

What have I done?

I told my family that I'd decided to change my 15+-year-old cat Tigger's name. After all these years.


Why?

Because I never got to name her. (She was dumped as a kitten, before I knew her, on a residential construction site, and my future neighbor - who'd been feeding her - had already decided to call her Tigger. When we finally moved into the neighborhood, and I convinced my husband to let me bring Tigger inside forever, I was too worried about offending my neighbor to change it.)




But you guys, I've never liked the name Tigger - for my Tigger. It's the name of a bouncing cartoon tiger, for Pete's sake! With a big, bounding MALE voice! My Tigger, however (although striped, I'll admit that), is small - both in stature and voice, prissy and has never bounced over anything in her life!

She is just simply: not a Tigger.




But my family balked. They told me I was being "insensitive" for changing the old girl's - no, fragile feline flower's name, after fifteen years. And, "who was I to confuse the poor cat at this stage in her life, anyway?"

And I rebutted. I told them I'd picked a new name that wasn't that far away (phonetically) from the current one, and that since we rarely call her by her given name, anyway (preferring Wiggles, Nenga Nenga, Tinkles and Stripey Girl, to name a few), Tigger probably wouldn't even notice!

The new name - I was sure - would be a perfect, feminine moniker: everyone would love it, and Tigger (who - being a cat - has to depend on me to make these types of life-altering decisions for her) would be able to leave this life (in 10 or so years), having a GIRL'S name that she could be proud of!

That name, friends, was: Tessa.




And, as a means to prove my resolve in the matter, I went straight to Etsy, hunted down and ordered, a beautiful new, perfect, shiny, delicate, feminine, distinctly Tigger (except, not Tigger, but Tessa), custom ID tag.

Fetch-A-Passion Tags: So beautiful, but expect at least 3 weeks to ship from Canada.

Just look how lovely it is!






The problem? In the three weeks it took for the tag to arrive from Canada (Canada Post, friends, is a mite slow in getting things to the US), I got this...



Betcha can't guess which one is Tessa.

An itty bitty, mini-Tigger foster kitten from the Richmond SPCA!

And what do you think (even though her shelter name is Josephine) I immediately decided to call her?

Yes (you are SO smart), Tessa!




My family had exactly zero objections. Her name has been Tessa since September 15. The tag arrived about a week after she got here. And since you entertained the thought privately, YES, I fantasized about flunking my fostering duties, leaving Tigger's name as is, and giving my newly-adopted kitten, Tessa Jr., the brand new ID tag! ....One day, when she weighs enough to wear the shiny new purple collar I bought her in a fit of weakness, and not topple over with the weight of all that metal dangling from it.






But, I can't adopt Tessa. Do you know how many cats I already have? And, please? Did you see her?

She's perfect! She won't last a long minute in that shelter, before someone (else) becomes smitten and totes her home*!





So, here I am, with this sweet little Tessa tag. That arrived just a week too late. :(

I can't exactly pass it along to the shelter now, can I? It has my phone number on it, after all.

And, I wouldn't feel right putting it on Tigger, either. Not until the memories of (the much younger) Tessa have faded, anyway.

:::sigh:::

So, there have been crazier things listed on Ebay, right?

Anyone have any sage advice? I don't wanna put the pretty little tag away in a dark drawer. Plus, I still don't like the name Tigger for my Tigger. Would you change your pet's name? What to do? What to do?!

* Tessa is due to be returned to the Richmond SPCA on November 3, at which time (during the week) she'll be spayed, microchipped and placed for adoption. 




Jon Farleigh's first foster kitten kiss. 


Sunday, October 5, 2014

How to Turn Your Dog Into the Perfect Purse, in One Easy Step! (My BIGGEST Review Ever!)

1. Ask Mia (at Handmade by Mia, Unique felted creations) to do it for you!


You guys!!!

And frankly, I'm not sure that size-200 font is big enough to express my true feelings!

I sent Mia a photo of Dewi (as I did last Spring with Jon Farleigh).
And, look what she did!
All the way in Finland!
Out of nothing but a pile of wool yarn!
IN ONE WEEK!



Note: The ginger tabby paw is my accessory. Not that the purse needed one, it's just that my assistant, Bobby Flay, insisted.

You do remember the purse Mia made of Jon Farleigh, right?


(Yes, same ginger tabby accessory.) 

Now, I have a complete set, for all seasons! And, these bags are so well made, they're heirloom quality. I guess that means my heirs better take good care of them, huh?



The heavy-weight cotton, happy, doggy lining is so adorable! 




And, I got a (surprise bonus) key fob out of it!





There's a hidden loop for my removable wrist strap (also purchased on Etsy).




I just cannot get over how close Mia got the needle-felting to Dewi's actual coat pattern. Most handmade merle items only capture coloring, but not individual coat patterns. This rendering, however, is exceptional. Truly exceptional!









I asked Mia for a toadstool (which is one of her "stock" designs) and a toad. It was her first ever toad, and I think she knocked it out of the park, don't you?


Dewi, exchanging pleasantries with himself. ☺

And in case you're wondering (and you are), the whole thing cost me $38, plus $7 for international shipping. Best $45 I ever spent on a Dewi purse!




This is what Mia's packages look like in the mailbox. So much fun!



My wrapped precious cargo!



Dewi is screaming in this photo. That is all.



Jon Farleigh is making sure purse-Dewi knows who's in charge. 



Bobby Flay (O'Fish) would like everyone (including me) to know that he is, in fact, the one in charge. 









Apparently, Finnish sheep's wool contains kitty crack.





And then, he was asleep on the job.



Maybe my next purse from Mia should have a Bobby Flay on it. Then a Maddox, and a Tigger, and an Eva...Bertie...Lula....☺


* More details about my experience placing a custom order with Mia are provided in my previous review (of the purse with Jon Farleigh on it).

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