Monday, September 11, 2017

10 Reasons Why My Corgis Are Strange

For the record, there are more than 10 reasons the corgis are strange; it's just that I haven't mentioned these particular reasons here, in much detail anyway, before now.

10 Reasons Why My Corgis Are Strange

1. Jon Farleigh: Carries a "pacifier" (e.g., Kong, bone, rope, dirty, half-destroyed plush toy, empty plastic bottle, etc.) everywhere he goes. If it's not in his mouth (because his mouth is otherwise occupied or he's asleep), it's within reach.

His pacifier du jour.

2. Dewi: When on car rides, sits with his entire head, snout first, shoved into the crease between the back seat and the door. 

3. Jon Farleigh: Charges any cat who attempts to escape his ever-watchful eye. And by charge, I mean he springs to his feet, while violently shaking his "pacifier"-toting head. Note: No animals have ever been injured during this process (in fact, the cats mostly roll their eyes); however, some (humans included) have been jarred awake from sound sleep.

4. Dewi: Humps Jon Farleigh every time he (Jon Farleigh) charges a cat leaving the room. (Recap: Cat leaves room => JF charges cat => Dewi humps JF. Repeat, as necessary.)

5. Jon Farleigh: Growls whenever he's enjoying a particularly good back scratch.

6. Dewi: Screams in fear whenever he thinks he's going to get his nails trimmed* (as in, I am holding his paw in one hand and the clippers in the other). And by scream, I mean scream (not whine, not yelp, not bark - scream). Like this baboon scream:



Like this, except not a yawn. And substitute clippers for the dremel.

Like the last time we went to the vet for his annual physical, and they needed some blood for his heartworm check...

Me to vet assistant: He might scream. He screams when I handle his paws and he sees the nail clippers.
Assistant: That's okay, a lot of dogs do. Just hug him, like so, while we get a little blood from his wrist.
Me: [hugs Dewi]
Dewi: SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM!!!!!!
Dead people: [wake up]
Me: [soothingly to Dewi] It's okay, buddy, it's all over! What a good boy!
Vet tech: All we did was swab the site with alcohol; keep hugging him! We need to get the vessel on the first try.
Me: [to myself] Good lord, it was just a swab?!?!
1/2 dozen or so bystanders staring through the examining room door: [wonder whether to call 911]
Me: [To myself] I told them he'd scream. [to Dewi] It's okay, buddy, just a little bit longer! Good boy! Good boy! [to the Heavens] Please, God, please let that needle go in the vein on the first try.
Dewi: [quiet]
Vet tech: All done! Good job, Dewi! [Straight-up lies, while wiping beads of sweat off her brow.]
The vet'll be by in a few minutes to read the test.

7 minutes later...

Vet: [smiling] I understand this guy got a little upset getting his blood drawn.
Dewi: [wiggles and beats tail out of sheer joy]
Me: [trying not to giggle] Yeah, but he's okay now. It was just his feet. He'll be perfectly unfazed by the rest of the exam, including his shots. Really.
Vet: OK, but I've got something here that'll keep him busy--just in case--while I give him the shots. [produces jar of ground chicken baby food; proceeds to spoon half of it into a paper bowl, and place it in front of Dewi]
Me: [to myself, as Dewi scarfs down the food] Boy, does that dog know how to work a room. 

Addendum: I forgot to mention that--when he doesn't perceive me to have the clippers--Dewi loves to have his paws handled. In fact, he voluntarily "hands" them to me for all-over, between-the-pad massages. I love those stubby white feet!

OK, back to the list...

7. Jon Farleigh: Yaps and "pecks" (bonks) Maddox with his nose whenever Maddox walks into the kitchen. Conversely, is afraid to get within 5 feet of Maddox everywhere else in the house.

Like this, except not five feet away, in the kitchen, and with lotst more bonks. 

8. Dewi: Is afraid of inflated balloons.

9. Jon Farleigh: Hates so badly when the cats play with string, that he steals the string, shakes it until it's "dead," and then sits on it for safe keeping. 

10. Jon Farleigh and Dewi: Have no fear of loud noises, including (knock wood) thunder. Probably because those loud noises--compared to their loud protests against string and nail clippers, for example--pale in comparison. 


* Dewi has not always screamed (at me) while getting nail trims, nor has he ever experienced a nail injury. However, the screaming and stress is why I (mostly) take him to the groomer for nail trims now, because, for some reason, he does not scream at her.


What strange things do your dogs (or cats, if you don't have dogs) do?

Saturday, September 2, 2017

My Corgi Licked My Brain

Previously published, but still true...

OK, maybe Jon Farleigh only managed to get the back of my eyeball (when I accidentally sucked his tongue up my nose, as he and Dewi tried to lick my face off!). Nevertheless, that's what I get for lying flat on my back to get these pictures of me for the "Meet the Bloggers" hop sweeping through pet blog-land this week (2013). 


OK, if I was truly, fully participating in the blog hop, I'd answer a handful of set questions about myself--like what's my favorite book, movie, food, actor, extracurricular activities, and whether or not I'm happy with the way I turned out in life (or something like that). But, I'm only half-participating, so I'm just gonna answer these three questions that I made up by myself:

1. If you had to transform into a fruit or vegetable, what would you choose to be?
A strawberry, because they wear their seeds on the outside. 

2. If you could choose one other breed of animal to have as a pet (hypothetically, of course), what would it be?
A cow, and I would call her Sugar Plum, milk her and churn my own butter.

3. What is the most embarrassing thing you've ever done?
In July of the summer between 4th and 5th grade, I laughed so hard I peed my pants sitting in a restaurant booth with my three younger* siblings. Specifically, on a family vacation in rural Pennsylvania, having lunch in a Friendly's restaurant full of older couples eating in complete, dreadful silence. Yeah, silence, until someone (not to be named) farted like a trumpet off a vinyl booth seat and I laughed so hard I slid under the table, cried in silent, side-splitting agony, and undammed a warm, yellow river all over myself. But the worst** was having to do the shimmy of shame (my brother playing wingman behind me with a strategically placed tray) to get out the front door. Damn vinyl seats. 

Anything else you all want to know? 

* I was 10 and was the oldest (and presumably, most mature) one at the table. Let that sink in a minute. (The 70's were the BEST, if you were a kid, y'all!)

** Actually, the worst might have been having to change into an outfit that was not a handmade, matching set to my two younger sisters'. (Think The Sound of Music, VonTrapp family matching outfits, except not made from expensive drapes, but inexpensive, terry cloth beach towels.)





Tuesday, August 15, 2017

When Dewi Met Georgia (A Red-Hot Corgi Love Story)

Once upon a time in 2011, I wrote the original...

The following blog post is rated NC-17 (No Corgis over 17 admitted), due to highly ridiculous content. Reader discretion advised.

As reported by "Dwayne"
(Note: Identity changed to protect the innocent.)

For back story, look here or here.


Cast
Sam.......................................The Patriarch (and Birthday Boy)
Georgia........................Hot Sister/Precocious Daughter of Sam
Bogey............................Georgia's Overprotective Half-Brother
Jon Farleigh (JF)..................Georgia's Nonchalant Full Brother
Dewi........................Jon Farleigh's Flirtatious, Hot Roommate 
Ginny..................................Endearing Eldest Daughter of Sam
Nick...........................................Adorable Sam Great-Grandson
Rufus............................................Nick's Sweet Old Housemate



It began as a sea of red (and one blue) at the watering hole...

Jon Farleigh to Rufus (with tail): "You seen any beer around here?"


JF to Georgia (under chair): "Hey, wanna meet my roommate, Dewi?"
G: "Is he cute? Does he have a job?"


G to Dewi: "Hey, I'm Georgia, but you can call me Princess. Wanna come under here with me in the shade?"
D: "Do you like bacon?"


D: "Your coat reminds me of sweet potato jerky and a stuffed Kong. Will you be my girl?"
G: "That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me. Wanna play tag?"


G to D: "You got me; now I'm it! Hey, whatcha doing up there?!"


πŸ’˜πŸ’‹πŸΎπŸ¬πŸ’„πŸ’πŸŽ§πŸŽ΅πŸ’«


**We now interrupt this blog post for "Cheesy Eighties Love Songs" as selected by "Dwayne."**




πŸš‘Georgia's Song: I Get Weak (1987) - Belinda Carlisle


**And now for the exciting conclusion of this blog post.**

πŸ’˜πŸ’‹πŸΎπŸ¬πŸ’„πŸ’πŸŽ§πŸŽ΅πŸ’«


Bogey to JF: "Dude, Dad's ticked. You better do something about that blue boy or there's gonna be trouble."
JF: "I think we're gonna have to lock her in the wire tower, man."


Nick: "Check out the moves on Dewi..."


Sam to Ginny: "I smell trouble in a merle coat. Have you seen Georgia?"
G: "Bogey's on top of it, Dad."


G to B: "Is that coconut cake up there?"
B: "Yeah, and bread, too."


 G to D: "Would you be a dear and fetch me a snack?"


G (again): "Hey?! Are you listening? I'd really like a snack, please!"
D (silently, to himself): Man, those are some loud mosquitoes. Mmmm, caaaake.


JF: "Good day, eh?"
D: "Yeah. You gonna eat all that?"

~The End~


The dogs in this post are real; however, the story is fictional. Any resemblance to your Cardigan Welsh Corgi or real-life events is purely coincidental.

*****

Do your pets like parties? Do you like bacon? πŸ˜‰

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