Friday, November 24, 2017

2 Things (including burning up the vacuum motor) My Pets Are Sorry For + Enter to Win $575 in Prizes (incl. a vacuum)!

Don't let their innocent faces fool you; an hour before I got this photo, they both (freakishly) shed their entire undercoat and immediately grew it all back. In that same hour, I (freakishly) vacuumed the entire house twice, and attempted a third time, except the 3,001,297 strands of corgi fur wrapped around the carpet attachment's brush-roller (that I'd neglected to inspect, even though the last time the vacuum broke, the shop said it was because the fur of 1,001 corgis was wrapped around the roller) got severely tangled, and burnt up the motor beyond repair. The corgis were distraught, so I put them in the pen (pictured) to think about the consequences of shedding. In the end (after 1.76 minutes), they simply issued an apology, and vowed not to shed as much, at least not on carpeted areas, rugs, upholstered furniture, lamp shades, or dark-colored clothing.  

Note: Numbers reported in the above paragraph are rough estimates. 
Note: My use of the term "rough estimate" in the above sentence is a rough estimate of the actual definition of rough estimate. 

I own this book. I got it for free from the author. It's so funny, I bought the three others in the series with my own money. 

Speaking of shedding on dark-colored clothing (which all my pets are sorry for)...that is not my Boston Terrier on that adorable-and-also-crude book cover, nor does it represent my dogs' shame (they've never humped a leg--a CAT, or EACH OTHER, though?). Anyway, when I was at the BlogPaws conference last spring, Jon Farleigh (my red fluffy corgi) and I got into an elevator with a guy wearing all black (I think--it might have only been 96% black, but I round up). Picture Bono, or Johnny Cash, except he didn't look anything like them (plus Johnny Cash is dead, may he R.I.P)...anyway, it's a good thing he broke the awkward elevator silence by speaking directly to Jon Farleigh (who was visibly on the verge of exploding with feelings of profound love and affection toward the complete stranger). Because after doing so--and hence, inviting the dog to thrust his entire, blonde-coated, fluffy, molting, gyrating corgi being directly on the aforementioned black outfit, resulting in my mortification--it got out that he wrote funny books about pets being sorry. 

And the next day, he gave me a copy of that one with the Boston Terrier on it. I knew then--after matching the author's headshot on the book cover to the actual person--that I had, in fact, met the real (vs. fake) Jeremy Greenberg--comedian and author of several pet-centered humor books that are in big book stores and make charming holiday gifts for people who love pets, have senses of humor, and can read.  

That's Jon Farleigh in a hotel room at BlogPaws. He wasn't sorry in this photo, because the couch is p/leather so his fur didn't stick. 

That's also Jon Farleigh at BlogPaws (it was in Myrtle Beach). You can bet he was sorry for dumping the sand that had gotten lodged up in the undercoat on his undercarriage all in the backseat of my car, the hotel lobby, and bathroom floor in my room. 

The point of that elevator story, in case you've forgotten how you arrived here, is that Jon Farleigh (not I) should have apologized for jumping up and smearing his loose fur all over the author's black pants. But since Jon Farleigh's not ever getting a mention in a "Sorry I..." book, I'm giving him a pass. Sorry, Jeremy*. 😉

* It's OK, we're friends now. And I'm not really sorry.

So, there's this giveaway...

(Isn't that the REAL reason you're here, after all? It's totally OK.) Yep, we're co-sponsoring--with nine other pet bloggers, for our second holiday season--a fun giveaway, with three pet-friendly prizes (and they're huge)! Read on for details, including how you can enter on all 10 sponsors' blogs, and what you might win, just in time for the holidays!

Here are the other nine pet blogs bringing this awesome giveaway to you!

And these are the prizes!

Y'all, I'd love an Amazon shopping spree and I know you would, too! You know what else I'd love? The cordless PET vacuum (for the corgi tumbleweeds) AND that $75, Etsy shop spending spree! Yes, give it all TO ME! Alright fine; you can have it. I'll just be over here with fur all over my clothes, being happy for you when you win. 

* The 10 participating bloggers each contributed their own money toward the Amazon gift card.
** 2nd and 3rd place prizes have been donated by their respective brands, Black+Decker and the Everyday Dog Mom blog.


Yep! To increase your odds, simply visit all the blogs (linked above) and enter (but hurry, all entry forms will all close at 11:59 p.m. EST on Thursday, November 30)!

One "finalist" will be randomly selected from each blog!

Then all of the finalists' names will go into a drawing, during which three winners will be randomly selected to receive the prizes listed above.

This is great news! That's because even if one of the 10 blogs has 467 times more entries than another, EACH BLOG will still get one finalist in the drawing! (FYI: Chronicles of Cardigan produced the 3rd prize winner in a previous pet blogger holiday giveaway!)

Ready to enter? Yay! But first, you'll have to comment on this blog (and I will check, yo), tell me: 

What's one thing your pet(s) is sorry for (or you are sorry for, on behalf of your pet)? 

Done commenting? Get entered, using the giveaway tool below!

Paws & Santa Claws Holiday Giveaway

Well, did you enter? Yay! I hope you win! Don't forget you can enter at the other nine blogs (linked at the top of the post) to increase your chances! 

I'll post all three winners' names on the Facebook page and Twitter the first week of December!

Good luck!

About the giveaway: 

No purchase necessary. Giveaway is open to US and Canadian residents age 18 and older, except where prohibited by law. Giveaway will run from November 24 to November 30, 2017 at 11:59pm EST. Three (3) winners will be randomly selected and notified via email. Winners will have 48 hours to claim their prizes; failure to do so will result in forfeiture of the prize. Twitter and Pinterest do not sponsor, administer, or endorse this promotion. Participants must read and agree to Gleam’s Privacy Policy before entering and participating in this promotion. By entering this contest, participants grant permission for their email address to be added to the Chronicles of Cardigan mailing list. 

Each participating blogger paid an entry fee which will be used to fund the grand prize. The 2nd and 3rd place prizes were generously donated by the participating brands. Please be sure to visit their websites to see all the incredible pet products they have to offer.

My friend Jeremy (the real Jeremy Greenberg, who invited Jon Farleigh to be bad in an elevator) wrote this book, too. Cats hardly ever apologize for anything, and that alone is worth the read. Except, I'm telling you to read it (or give it to someone else to read) because it's funny, and full of cute cat photos. Like Facebook, except you don't need to log in, or read about your "friend's" politics. 

Monday, October 2, 2017

How I Found the Hidden Good in My Dog's Ill-Timed Upset Stomach

  • This is the third time I've published this post since 2012. 
  • In 2012, I was five years younger, but no wiser.
  • When I published the post in 2015, I titled it, 
    "How to Make 'Lemons' When Your Dog's Poop Looks Like Lemonade."
  • I do not buy the whole "life gives you lemons" metaphor. I mean, who said lemons are bad? No one--the metaphor writer was wrong. Lemons are good. Lemonade, in contrast, is fattening and can make one's teeth rot (if not consumed in moderation).
  • My life has changed somewhat in five years; however, the "bad" things are still in plentiful supply. 
  • The corgi's lives have changed, too. They haven't been crated at night in years. They mostly sleep on me. 
  • I promise not to mention the word "lemonade," in the same sentence with the words "dog" or "poop," for the rest of this post.  

Title of original post from March 23, 2012...

Exploding Dog Butts and Ill-Fitting Clothes - An Experiment in Looking on the Bright Side

My day could conceivably have gone two ways today: crappy or awesome.

Crappy attitude?

Okay, well, if I'm speaking in literal terms, so far, there's been lots of crap. But I'm not speaking in literal terms...just yet.

So because it's Friday, and I LOVE Fridays, I thought it would be fun to list all the crappy things that have happened in my house so far today and then for each crappy thing, come up with a way for me to look on the bright side. 

So, for example, if my bedroom smoke detector had started chirping at 2 a.m., forcing a middle-of-the-night battery replacement and minor sleep disturbance, I would argue that on the bright side, my family would not have burned up in a potential 3 a.m. house fire. 

Pretty simple, yes?

OK, here we go...

Crappy Thing (CT): Jon Farleigh broke out of his crate at 2:50 a.m. because he had to go RIGHT THEN.
On the Bright Side (OtBS): He didn't go in his crate.

CT: I didn't get back to sleep until approx. 4:15 a.m.
OtBS: While I was up, I watched a graphic WWII documentary (on the Smithsonian Channel). In comparison to that, my problems seemed petty.

CT: JF's crate had a pile of poop in it when he came out of it this morning.
OtBS: It was still in one neat pile and only touching the hard plastic crate floor (easy clean-up!).

CT: After coming in from being walked (by Middle Child - who told me--inaccurately, it turns out--JF had NOT done #2 outside), I discovered JF's back end to be a giant mess, so (while 2 of my kids were trying not to miss the school bus) I had to give him a bath (with kiwi-scented shampoo).
OtBS: He didn't have a chance to put his poopy butt all over the carpet or upholstery. And, the kids still made their buses, proving I can do several things at one time, when pressed.

Positive outlook?
CT: About 15 minutes after his bath, JF (with a twinkle in his eye) sneaked out of the kitchen, pooped in the family room and tracked it back into the kitchen. And I had to give him a second bath.
OtBS: His butt hadn't been that clean and sweet-smelling since the day he was born and his mother licked him clean. Also, I got to do a load of towels.

(Note: JF is OK; he just ate something disagreeable, probably deer poop.) 

Look how curly his fur gets after a bath!

CT: JF didn't get his breakfast, except for a teaspoonful each of mashed pumpkin and plain Greek yogurt.
OtBS: BOTH dogs got to eat yummy pumpkin and yogurt. (Note: JF didn't poop again for 3 hours after eating, and did not require a third bath.)

CT: My summer wardrobe shrank a half-size over the winter.
OtBS: I get to go shopping? (OK, not.) Tight clothes make me not want to eat? (Not really--they make it harder to breathe.) I get to spend more time outside (and not sitting) with the dogs (and/or family)? Yes! 

In summary: My day was awesome because:
  • I'm not a statistic in a war documentary.
  • Jon Farleigh's crate and butt are squeaky clean.
  • My dogs got to eat something yummy and wholesome.
  • I can multitask.
  • I have clean towels.
  • I have an excuse to go outside and play. 
Hope you are having an awesome day, too! 😊

UPDATE 8:34 p.m.: Because I was scrambling to get this post finished and not paying enough attention to my family's dinner, sizzling on the outdoor grill, I have another CT to add to the list:

CT: My hamburgers got burned to briquettes in a grease fire. Oh yes, friends, they did.

No lighter fluid required.
OtBS: I saw a Bald Eagle while driving back from the grocery store (because I had to go out and buy more beef). I had time to prune some plants in the garden while I was outside (not writing this post) supervising the grill. And it turns out, there was enough good cooked meat inside those black rocks to scrape out and add to Jon Farleigh's bland dinner (and breakfast tomorrow). Furthermore, if he could talk (thank heaven he can't, but if he could) he'd probably tell me he wishes he had more upset stomachs, because the recovery menu tastes SO good! 

Suddenly, I really want chocolate ice cream...

How's your day going? 

Monday, September 11, 2017

10 Reasons Why My Corgis Are Strange

For the record, there are more than 10 reasons the corgis are strange; it's just that I haven't mentioned these particular reasons here, in much detail anyway, before now.

10 Reasons Why My Corgis Are Strange

1. Jon Farleigh: Carries a "pacifier" (e.g., Kong, bone, rope, dirty, half-destroyed plush toy, empty plastic bottle, etc.) everywhere he goes. If it's not in his mouth (because his mouth is otherwise occupied or he's asleep), it's within reach.

His pacifier du jour.

2. Dewi: When on car rides, sits with his entire head, snout first, shoved into the crease between the back seat and the door. 

3. Jon Farleigh: Charges any cat who attempts to escape his ever-watchful eye. And by charge, I mean he springs to his feet, while violently shaking his "pacifier"-toting head. Note: No animals have ever been injured during this process (in fact, the cats mostly roll their eyes); however, some (humans included) have been jarred awake from sound sleep.

4. Dewi: Humps Jon Farleigh every time he (Jon Farleigh) charges a cat leaving the room. (Recap: Cat leaves room => JF charges cat => Dewi humps JF. Repeat, as necessary.)

5. Jon Farleigh: Growls whenever he's enjoying a particularly good back scratch.

6. Dewi: Screams in fear whenever he thinks he's going to get his nails trimmed* (as in, I am holding his paw in one hand and the clippers in the other). And by scream, I mean scream (not whine, not yelp, not bark - scream). Like this baboon scream:

Like this, except not a yawn. And substitute clippers for the dremel.

Like the last time we went to the vet for his annual physical, and they needed some blood for his heartworm check...

Me to vet assistant: He might scream. He screams when I handle his paws and he sees the nail clippers.
Assistant: That's okay, a lot of dogs do. Just hug him, like so, while we get a little blood from his wrist.
Me: [hugs Dewi]
Dead people: [wake up]
Me: [soothingly to Dewi] It's okay, buddy, it's all over! What a good boy!
Vet tech: All we did was swab the site with alcohol; keep hugging him! We need to get the vessel on the first try.
Me: [to myself] Good lord, it was just a swab?!?!
1/2 dozen or so bystanders staring through the examining room door: [wonder whether to call 911]
Me: [To myself] I told them he'd scream. [to Dewi] It's okay, buddy, just a little bit longer! Good boy! Good boy! [to the Heavens] Please, God, please let that needle go in the vein on the first try.
Dewi: [quiet]
Vet tech: All done! Good job, Dewi! [Straight-up lies, while wiping beads of sweat off her brow.]
The vet'll be by in a few minutes to read the test.

7 minutes later...

Vet: [smiling] I understand this guy got a little upset getting his blood drawn.
Dewi: [wiggles and beats tail out of sheer joy]
Me: [trying not to giggle] Yeah, but he's okay now. It was just his feet. He'll be perfectly unfazed by the rest of the exam, including his shots. Really.
Vet: OK, but I've got something here that'll keep him busy--just in case--while I give him the shots. [produces jar of ground chicken baby food; proceeds to spoon half of it into a paper bowl, and place it in front of Dewi]
Me: [to myself, as Dewi scarfs down the food] Boy, does that dog know how to work a room. 

Addendum: I forgot to mention that--when he doesn't perceive me to have the clippers--Dewi loves to have his paws handled. In fact, he voluntarily "hands" them to me for all-over, between-the-pad massages. I love those stubby white feet!

OK, back to the list...

7. Jon Farleigh: Yaps and "pecks" (bonks) Maddox with his nose whenever Maddox walks into the kitchen. Conversely, is afraid to get within 5 feet of Maddox everywhere else in the house.

Like this, except not five feet away, in the kitchen, and with lotst more bonks. 

8. Dewi: Is afraid of inflated balloons.

9. Jon Farleigh: Hates so badly when the cats play with string, that he steals the string, shakes it until it's "dead," and then sits on it for safe keeping. 

10. Jon Farleigh and Dewi: Have no fear of loud noises, including (knock wood) thunder. Probably because those loud noises--compared to their loud protests against string and nail clippers, for example--pale in comparison. 

* Dewi has not always screamed (at me) while getting nail trims, nor has he ever experienced a nail injury. However, the screaming and stress is why I (mostly) take him to the groomer for nail trims now, because, for some reason, he does not scream at her.

What strange things do your dogs (or cats, if you don't have dogs) do?


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