Friday, June 10, 2016

How to Trim Your Unrealistic, Pre-Blogging Conference To-Do List so You Don't Hurl #BlogPaws

No need to get your hair all wound up in a dremel over pre-BlogPaws planning!
(Image credit: Me, 2 weeks before BlogPaws in 2013, aka crunch time, and I had not planned to get my hair
 cut short that year. The hair unwound, thankfully,
but the ends would never be the same. The dogs' nails, on the other hand, looked great.)

In a few days (I'm not counting, but 10.5), I'll be sitting on a Southwest Airlines jet, somewhere in the sky between Georgia and Arizona, stomach full of helium (figuratively) and head swirling like just beaten scrambled eggs. All my thoughts unintelligible...because I had to get out of bed at 3 a.m...nevertheless! I will have finished packing, and (save forgetting all the bloggers' names I've tried to memorize over the previous weeks, once I get to Phoenix) the planning phase of my fifth BlogPaws conference will have been a success, happily in my past. Leaving me to get on with making this conference my best ever... Thank God!



OK, OK, I know. Planning for a blogging conference (especially one to which one can bring pets, and wear leopard print every day, or sport a "Pugs, not Drugs" t-shirt without anyone giving a second thought, for example) can be crazy exciting. Jump-up-and-down-and-scare-one's-loved-ones exciting, if I'm being honest (especially if it's one's first time). But once the under-two-weeks-left-to-go mark hits, the task of finishing off one's to-do list can quickly morph from producing a fluttery, anticipatory feeling in one's stomach, to full-on shortness of breath and a sudden urge to hurl on the floor.


So, if you find yourself at that critical crossroads in your pre-conference planning today, grab a paper bag to breath into and relax: I can help you bring your anxiety level down a notch. Guaranteed!

ELIZABETH'S REAL-LIFE, NO-B.S., LOW-STRESS PRE-BLOGPAWS TO-DO LIST

You've no-doubt seen lists online, suggesting things one MUST pack, like business cards, phone/charger, and several pairs of clean underwear, for example. So to save space, I've left all of those things off my list, concentrating only on the subjective, gray-area items. Having said that, if you need help with non-negotiables (it can happen; nerves sometimes make people forget their own names), leave a note in comments (or email me at chroniclesofcardigan@gmail.com, or ask in the BlogPaws Community Newbies group); I am happy to help!

Reminder: This is MY list. I am not you, and neither are you me. We will likely NOT pack all the same things, or run the same errands. Use this list as a guideline to apply to your own.


How to Trim Your Unrealistic, Pre-Blogging Conference To-Do List so You Don't Hurl #BlogPaws


OK, for real...
  1. Lose 20 15 10 5  .01 pounds. Lay off soda and salt for a couple days to reduce bloat.

  2. Get liposuction.

  3. Purchase thick elastic underwear (SPANX).
    Note:
    In addition to one's already procured several pairs of clean, not-elastic underwear. SPANX actually go OVER the top of those*.

  4. Remember to take magazine photo of Jennifer Lawrence to hair salon, so stylist will know what to do.
  5. Pack hair ties for pulling unstyled hair into a ponytail.

  6. Go shopping for super cute new outfits! Remember you're taking your hairy dog/cat. (If you're not, pretend you are.)
  7. Screw pet hair; this is a pet bloggers' conference! Go to Amazon.com and get that last-minute super cute thing you've been stalking anyway.
    Hint: Searches like "cat earrings" or "dog necklaces," work well in a pinch.

  8. Pack clothes that won't ride up (or down) in back, so that you don't moon other conference attendees when squatting/bending over to tend to/pet an animal.
    (Y'all, for real! I have mooned people! Your choice of bottoms matters!)

  9. Take public speaking class to help ease nerves when talking to brands.

  10. Book therapy session(s) to help manage social anxiety.
  11. Practice picturing other conference attendees/brand reps in SPANX (for when nerves start to crop up).
    Note: They might also be imagining you in SPANX. Don't hyperventilate! Just make sure your mental image is way more embarrassing.
  12. BREATHE.
So? Are you feeling a little less burdened with to-do's? Got anything to add--tips or items I left off?

* CAUTION! AIRPORT TSA SCREENING WARNING! If you opt for SPANX on your BlogPaws arrival/departure day, for the love of your dignity, do not wear them through the body scanner in airport security! Listen! If you do, and they bunch up under your clothes in areas where criminals have been known to smuggle contraband? It is going to look like you have CONTRABAND under your clothes! And when that happens? You will get an intimate pat-down from a complete stranger in front of everyone in the airport. You will have to tell the agent that your elastic shorts are literally in a wad up there. And if they don't believe you (they won't)? You will then move on to the area where would-be smugglers get their palms swabbed for questionable residue. (You don't have contraband, so expect to pass the palm-swab test and be set free. But, I beseech you, why let it get that far??) I'm telling you this because I have personal experience (2015 BlogPaws in Nashville; I don't think any conference attendees saw me, though). Tip: Put the elastic shorts in your carry-on and change in the bathroom, after TSA checkpoints. They do not care how your rear end looks in that skirt!

Further reading that might help you de-stress:

#BlogPaws - the Introvert-Friendly Conference (Insider Tips Galore, Inside!)

Demystifying the #BlogPaws Exhibit Hall: What to Expect & Tips for Maximizing Your Time With Brands

How Not to Fail at #BlogPaws Conference Networking (as Illustrated by a Pack of Corgis)

Don't have a ticket to BlogPaws (June 23-25 in Phoenix, AZ), but want to go? Register here, and use my discount code for 10% off the full blogger rate. Hurry, passes are limited!
BlogPaws ambassador discount code


22 comments:

  1. Haha, oh my goodness, I can just imagine the feeling of panic you had when your hair got caught in the Dremel. Just today I went to a hairdresser with a picture of Anne Hathaway, lol! I'm looking forward to meeting you, you're simply hilarious!

    I have no idea what to expect at my first BlogPaws. Now I'm expecting butts. Endless butts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There will be endless butts at BlogPaws! Butts are OK! ☺

      Hehe about the Anne Hathaway pic. ☺ I totally took a page from the Anthropologie website to my hair person. JLaw's hair is too light and straight for my face. Can't wait to meet you!

      Delete
  2. I always seem to wear black pants. Not sure why because I know they're a "mistake" to wear in my house with all of the cat and blonde dog hair! Lint brushes are my best friend. This list was hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have quit buying black clothes. The corgi hair attatches itself before it even gets out of the shopping bag. Though, I do have some existing black things that I can't resist still wearing. Just have to tape myself off IN THE CAR (where dog hair won't find me as easily).

      Delete
  3. Ha! Thank you for my morning laugh. I'll have to add a couple of these to my to do list.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Love your list ! Mum is still laughing at #8 ! Purrs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mooning strangers (and familiars) is not fun. ;)

      Delete
  5. Hahaha this is a great post full of perfect reminders!
    P.S. I totally got my hair stuck in the dremel a couple of months ago. Luckily I was also able to get my hair out with no damage!

    ReplyDelete
  6. This list makes me smile...if for no other reason then I don't have to worry about my hair getting stuck in a dremel! Ahhh, the advantages of having no hair :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, guys don't generally have that issue...nor the spanx and mooning people issue. I don't like you anymore. KIDDING! ;) Thanks for reading!

      Delete
  7. I can add one! If you have metal in your arm, leg, shoulder - get a doctor's note in case you set the scanners off! I reckon this and bunched up Spanx could hold you up for hours!! I have a titanium rod in my leg ftom my motorbike accident 😜

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, that can be a BIG issue. Oh my! Sorry you got into an accident like that!

      Delete
  8. I'm new here and have to say, I LOVE this blog. LOVE. I couldn't stop laughing. At every single thing, like, "I STOLE THESE! OK, NO I DIDN'T, BUT DON'T PUT IT PAST ME." I'm a finalist in the Humor Blog category this year and I wasn't entirely sure it "meant" anything - until I read the other humor finalists' blogs AND yours. Of course, your blog is way better than mine will ever be, but I can dream, right? I clearly made the right decision to go to BlogPaws this year, my imperfections and all (you've been warned, and I don't wear Spanx, sorry).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You made my entire week, mama Kat. ☺ Thank you for saying nice things, but DO NOT disparage your own creativity! You earned that nomination! We do not need to be compared (that's a hard lesson, as I still compare myself to others sometimes). I can't wait to meet you at BlogPaws!
      P.S. I don't wear spanx, either. I can't afford them, so I buy ASSets (the Target lower-end variety). :)

      Delete
  9. OMG, so flipping funny! And perfect! I can't wait to see you next week! :)

    (Also, just a little note about the SPANX bunching thing... don't wear underwear underneath. You won't have any bunching without underwear, um, under, and with most styles the underwear is unnecessary... a friend told me.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know, I figured I was doing the whole elastic undies thing wrong. Thank you for imparting your friend's wisdom. I appreciate it. ;)

      Also, I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU IN LESS THAN A WEEK!!!

      Delete
  10. Some how Spanx never made it on my packing list. Have a great time!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Great list. Last years Blogpaws , we arrived on time, unpacked , relaxed for 30 minutes and decided we would go mingle. We walked out the hotel room, got halfway down the hall and all of a sudden ma wasn't nowhere to be seen.

    I looked down and she was laying on the floor. We weren't even there a HOUR and ma already fell down! Being a service dog who has to keep her safe, I just shooked my head and kept walking.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Carma, that's un-service-dog-like. ;) Embarrassment is no excuse. I tell that to my teenage kids all the time.
      See you soon!

      Delete
  12. This is super fun! Snarky barky is what I want on my shirt for Teddy Brewski of course! HA! See you soon.

    ReplyDelete

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