National Buffoon's Animal House (with a Side of Bacon) Starring Corgis, Jon Farleigh and Dewi

Original publish date: 5/27/13

Today, just because, I made a parody--starring Jon Farleigh and Dewi--of perhaps the greatest party flick of all time: Animal House. 

I (the buffoon of National Buffoon) call it: 

Animal House, with a Side of Bacon

With...

Jon Farleigh as Jon "Farto" Fartarsky

and

Dewi as Kent "Crappie" Arfman

A brief synopsis:

Kent (Crappie) is pledging the fraternity, of which Jon (Farto) is already a brother. 

The fraternity is:

 

Actual Dog-Greek letters

Translated (in case you don't know Dog-Greek): 

I Smelta Pie

Here is a stanza of the I Smelta Pie unofficial song:

♫ We like fried bacons and we cannot lie!

♫ We eats it with a slice of pie! (apple, of course - this is America.)

End of stanza

And, back to the plot...

So, in order for Crappie to get into I Smelta Pie, he has to go out into the field (where the deer and the antelope cantaloupe Canada Geese play) with Jon Farleigh Farto, but while Farto gets to roll in stinky things, Crappie can only stand by and watch.

Crappie (to himself, as he watches Farto find the stinky spot): Be strong. You can do this.

[sniffing]

Farto (to himself, as he plows his face into the stink): Oh, yeah.

[grunts]

[grunts]

Wowza!

Crappie to Farto: What is it, man?

Farto (to himself, ignoring Crappie, and rolling even more vigorously): Oh, yeah! This is what I'm talking about!

Crappie (as he plunges headlong atop the stinky thing): I give up! I can't take it anymore!

I Smelta Pie, be dammed by a beaver!*

Farto? Wanna go eat some bacon?

The End

Today's post has been brought to you by...

The two dog-sized, bacon neckties I purchased (with my own $2) in the cheap, holiday-themed accessory bins at Target.

Also...

Dear people who're in charge of the cheap holiday-themed accessory decisions at Target:

Remember how I wrote you a letter back in February, lamenting the fact that you offered exactly ZERO Valentine's Day-themed headband accessories, thereby forcing me to make do with "creative" substitutes, such as these green St. Patrick's Day antennae (for important blog posts such as this)?

Yeah, well, you've been redeemed.

♥,

Me

Thank you for reading! Please eat bacon responsibly!

* Despite his foul, disrespectful remark, and failing the stinky-roll abstinence test, Crappie became a full-fledged I Smelta Pie brother. 

BONUS TRACK:

From Animal House, Otis Day and the Knights - "Shama Lama Ding Dong"!

So, what's the silliest thing you ever made your pet wear? I'm talking all the way back to early childhood!

Does your dog roll in stinky things? ☺

#LoveYourPetEveryDay, Even if It's 'For Their Own Good' and They Think You're a Clod

Addendum to the disclosure: I mentioned in my previous Chicken Soup for the Soul® Brand Pet Food post that I've been feeding the brand to my pets for 47 years (OK six, which is a long time in dog years), and that it warms my soul to know they're eating wholesome food that leaves them looking and feeling great. My point is--since the food is a no-brainer, and I had so much fun tackling the #LoveYourPetEveryDay subject--frankly, getting a nod from the brand to write this post felt like a Leprechaun's rainbow shot out of the sky and smacked me upside my head--in a good way. I hope you have as much fun reading as I did writing!

My foster dog, Leona Lilly, aka Lele, a 10-year-old chihuahua, has yeasty ears that require daily flushing with medicated ear drops. Despite my warming the bottle to match her ear temperature, and singing of soothing, sing-song-y songs with made up words, when she sees me pick up the bottle, she turns tail and sprints in the other direction. It doesn't matter how many times I tell her I'm only doing it "for her own good," because I love her. She thinks the ear drops are evil and that I am their steward.

Thank dog she can't talk; I'm pretty sure she'd make my oft-surly teenagers look like D.J. Tanner wannabes in comparison.

Lele Chihuahua: "I'll take the iPhone camera over the ear drops, but could'ya get a move on with dinner?"
Jon Farleigh: "I have some fuzz in my eye."

Whoever said loving a pet every day (as opposed to once a week/every other day/annually, or only when it's fun and they grin and spin around in bliss at your magnificence) was easy, well, couldn't possibly have needed to squirt anything medicinal in a pet's orifice. And, come to think of it, probably never did these other things (that I do daily) either:

• Withhold all chocolate*.
  No, they don't get any. Not even the speck that fell off my cookie crisp knockoff cereal, or the streak of ice cream that I missed when I licked the bowl. Not even when they stare at me with giant cow eyes. Because I love them, they will literally never experience death by chocolate.
• Tether dog by the neck and/or chest to my wrist at all times while outside.
  We don't have a fenced yard, so the dogs get attached to my wrist by a six-foot strip of industrial strength nylon webbing. They go only where I go. Because I love them, they will stay out of trouble in the great outdoors. 
• Orange tabby cat-proof the kitchen faucet with a rubber band bungee.
  
  
  Bobby Flay O'Fish is obsessed with turning on the levered kitchen faucet with his muzzle. It was cheaper to clamp the lever to the faucet with a giant blue rubber band than replace the faucet with something less cat-friendly. Bobby will not go thirsty. Because I love him, I prevent him from turning on the water full blast when no one is home (or awake) and wasting water, flooding the kitchen and running our water bill over Mt. Everest. Orange tabby cats fare better when their people are not mopping up floods and flat broke.
• Limit meal size to one healthy serving, vs. a Golden Corral-sized smorgasbord of all-you-can-eat everything-under-the-sun that is edible.
  
  

  

  I know the delicacies lurking behind you, pantry door. 

  
  I could open the pantry and refrigerator/freezer doors and let the dogs help themselves to whatever they want, whenever they want (which would be all the waking hours, and all the food, except for pretzels, sour apples, and pecans--the only things the dogs have ever NOT eaten when offered). But I don't. It doesn't matter that they finish before I've had time to walk a full lap of the kitchen, or that they bore holes in my face with their pleading eyes. Because I love them, I give them one measured serving per meal of a wholesome, natural kibble (such as the new Chicken Soup for the Soul Grain Free Salmon, Sweet Potato & Pea recipe for dogs**), topped with a dollop of a wholesome, natural wet food. Corgis and foster chihuahuas with defined waistlines (vs. puffer fish middles) are much less prone to injuring themselves getting on the couch for snuggles, among other important health risks. 

Now see? It's no wonder my pets think I'm a clod.

Except, wait. That's a short list, relatively speaking. If I made a similar list of all the easy ways I love them every day (because they ROCK)--like, for example, talking to them, smooching their heads, rubbing their bellies, scratching their chins/ears/backs/butts, feeding them regularly so they don't go hungry, keeping them warm/cool/dry, giving them soft, snugly places to rest their bones, giving them treats (even bacon, sometimes), playing with them, providing toys and exercise, making them sit for cute pictures to display proudly on social media, and giving them supervised time outside in the fresh air--it would be WAY longer.

In fact, I think the hard things might pale in comparison, especially for creatures with such limited attention spans (dried up leaf blowing by!). Perhaps they don't find me cloddish, after all? ☺

A clod? I think not!

* I eat something with cocoa in it every day, because I love myself.

** Lele the foster chihuahua has more than yeasty ears, she has irritated, yeasty skin and is losing patches of hair. In case it is related to food allergies, I've switched her to the new Chicken Soup Grain Free Salmon recipe, which not only contains a novel protein to her, but also novel carb sources. All of my appendages are crossed that it clears up her issues!

Can we talk foster chihuahua Lele for a bit? OK, so she's settling in really well, for a 10yo chi-chi, who's been...
Posted by The Chronicles of Cardigan on Monday, February 22, 2016

Thank you, Chicken Soup for the Soul, for helping me sort this daily pet-love thing out! Thanks, too, for the awesome nourishment you've been making for my awesome pets over the years!

Wanna serve some Chicken Soup for the Soul food to your awesome pet? Find your nearest retailer here. You'll also find the brand at major online retailers.

Is your pet your hero? Don't forget to enter Chicken Soup for the Soul's Show Us Your Hero pet contest! You could win an appearance on the CBS Saturday morning lineup show Hidden Heroes or in an upcoming book!

Love a pet food company that's committed to giving back to pets? Check this out!

• A portion of proceeds from the sale of Chicken Soup for the Soul pet food is donated to The Humpty Dumpty Institute, helping support organizations that feed and care for animals in shelters. 
• Royalties from the sale of the new books, Chicken Soup for the Soul: My Very Good, Very Bad Dog, and Chicken Soup for the Soul: My Very Good, Very Bad Cat will be donated to the American Humane Association. 
• Chicken Soup for the Soul is the official Dog Food Sponsor of the American Humane Association's Hero Dog Awards, including, more specifically, the Therapy Dog category.
• Local shelter pets (including some who've found their forever homes) are featured on every package of Chicken Soup for the Soul brand pet food.

For the latest news, deals and of course, Chicken Soup for the Soul-warming pet stories, be sure to follow the brand on social media.

Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

How do you love YOUR pet(s) every day? Is it more easy than hard? Are you a clod? ☺

Foster dog Lele is chowing down on @chickensouppets new grain free salmon, sweet potato & green pea recipe dog food. She has AWFUL skin and ear issues, and I'm HOPING...the switch to this new food with a novel protein and carbs will help clear her up. She'll certainly not miss the bi-weekly bathing and daily ear cleanings (even though I do it for her own good). ☺ Sometimes love is hard (right, Lele?). #LoveYourPetEveryDay #sponsored #chihuahua #fosterdog #rescue #dogfood #happydog

A video posted by Elizabeth Keene (@chroniclescardi) on Feb 24, 2016 at 6:40pm PST

Watch My #TrickorTreatDogs Smooch Me on Command and You Could Win Up to $1000 in Prizes!

Y'all! Jon Farleigh has a trick for you! And you know what else? We're giving away some dog crack (aka Jones Natural Chews Lamb Lung Puffs, provided by the company), because DOGS LOVE CRACK! Oh, and THIS!

Because of our friends at Kol's Notes and Beagles & Bargains - hosting this first-ever Trick or Treat Giveaway Hop-of-its-kind - we get to not only direct you to nine other awesome blogs and trick-performing dogs, but nine other treat giveaways AND, each time you enter one of THOSE, you'll be entered into the drawing for one of three magnificent GRAND prizes! All total, worth over $1000! (Details to follow.) But first...

Who wants to see how I taught Jon Farleigh to "give a kiss" on command?!

Everyone?! OK, yay!

Note: Incorrect form. Tip: DO NOT do as I did to get this photo op.
Smearing peanut butter on one's nose is NOT a part of training this trick. 

How to Teach a Dog to "Give a Kiss" in 6 Steps
(as opposed to just randomly shoving his tongue into your face at all times)

Before you start:
If you want to try this at home, you'll need a dog who likes to lick you on the face, specifically the mouth (as opposed to your eyelids or nostrils, for example, because redirecting the tongue is beyond the scope of this lesson). If you don't like being licked on the face by a dog, then, well, please read the directions anyway; there's a quiz. ;)

Step 1. Wait to catch one's dog in a happy, but calm (tired), mood.

Note: Yes, Jon Farleigh is quoting Rhett Butler from Gone With the Wind. And, yes, he's wearing mistletoe on his head. It's for effect, OK?

Step 2. Get within tongue-shot of his face in a non-threatening way (i.e., NO STARING into his eyes or anything; that's threatening).

Step 3. Pucker up and tell him (nicely) to "give a kiss."

Step 4. Keep puckering and wait for him to take the hint.
Note: If he doesn't, maybe lick your lips or gently blow a puff of air on his nose (trust me, it works).

Step 5. Immediately after one's dog gives the kiss (but only if he waited for your command), say "thank you." DO NOT skip this step!

Step 6. Reward him using the PRAISE suggestions* below.
Note: I have never used a treat to reward Jon Farleigh for a kiss. Wouldn't want him to confuse my lips for a spot of beef liver (or lamb lung) or anything. (But a little lamb lung later on that evening, when you're not in the mood for kisses, will be JUST FINE!) 

* Suggested praise for "giving a kiss": 

1) Squeal like a piglet with joy.

2) Use your baby voice and say, "Oh, who's the best doggy in the whole wide world?! for example.
3) Lavish large amounts of rubbing and scritching upon his furry self.

Caution: Squealing like a piglet might actually entice one's dog to lick even more, making it difficult to breathe without sucking his tongue into one's airway.

Result (after several repetitions of entire procedure over several days): One's dog can "give a kiss" when told to do so.

Important (personal) aside: Jon Farleigh will also give liberal kisses when not asked to, especially when I lie on the floor on my back, or put my face next to his on the couch/bed. My husband, incidentally, does not care for facial dog smooches, but that does not stop Jon Farleigh from surprising him (husband) with a frog-like lash to the cheek.

I think Jon Farleigh might be due for some continuing education. *sigh*

So, do you want to see Jon Farleigh in action? Check him out! (Totally unrehearsed, by the way.)

Just call him "Hot Lips" Cardigan (M.A.S.H. pun intended). ☺

To whom it may concern: Dewi is not a kisser (except for a few "fairy" kisses to the eyelids first thing in the a.m.). He is, however, an expert spooner.

Let's Talk About Doggy Crack and Giveaways for a Bit

We weren't compensated with free crack (puffs) or otherwise to say this stuff, y'all; my pets (and that goes for the dogs and half the cats) GO WILD for Jones Natural Chews Lamb Lung Puffs! And yes, it IS just about one of the grossest things imaginable to think about eating. That's OK, though. It's PURE, made in the USA (organ) meat. It looks like dehydrated, grilled portobello mushrooms (or a steak that's been run over by a truck), but it's light and easily broken into small pieces (really small pieces for cats) and they LOVE it. (Read my full review here.)

Yum! (Oh wait, ew!)

I don't give it as a daily treat, because it's THAT good. Save that high-value crack for when you want your dog to do something GREAT! Like come when called, or walk on a loose lead, or not run out the front door when you open it. OR gift it to your dog (and/or cat) for the holidays! (Ahem.)

And right on time, I'm giving away a whole 8oz. bag (provided and shipped by Jones Natural Chews)! Residents of the U.S. and Canada are eligible!
(Tip: Like Jones Natural Chews on Facebook and Twitter to be among the first to know about the latest deals!)

a Rafflecopter giveaway
Did you enter? Yay! I hope you win, but that's not all! Each entry into my treat giveaway earns the entrant one chance in the GRAND PRIZE drawing (one of three grand prizes, actually, including a Peanuts Halloween Train from Lionel Trains). And because this is a blog HOP giveaway, you can enter to win a different treat prize each day during the contest period - at each participating blog. ALL of those entries count toward the grand prizes too!

Check out all the prizes and participants! For blog hop/giveaway details, be sure to visit the event page at Kol's Notes! 

Bonus Trick!

I call it the Dewi or "Crack" Dance. Dewi taught himself how to do it. ☺

A lung for me? Yes, please!

Parts of the "Give a Kiss" procedure were previously published. 

Sweatin' to the Summertime Oldies: Corgi Beach Karaoke with Jon Farleigh, Dewi and Merrick Seasonals Dog Food

Note: This post has nothing to do with exercising to old music, leg warmers, or Richard Simmons.

Disclosure: There's no beach in our backyard. Just pretend the brown grass is sand.

Also...

Merrick has given me (for free) 100% of their summer seasonals dog food pictured and 88.6% of the creative spark for this blog post. The dogs' good looks, tacky holiday-themed accessories, singing voices and opinions, however, are 100% their own.

And with that, here's Jon Farleigh. 

[Shhh, y'all. Please don't let on that you've noticed his outfit. You wouldn't believe how hard it was for me to get him to go on camera like this!]

Thanks for coming, everybody; I'm Jon Farleigh.

When I think of summertime, six things come to mind:

1. Meat
2. Getting hot
3. Cooling off
4. Meat and fish
5. Foods that go well with meat and fish
6. Singing festive songs

OK, maybe there's an extra meat in there, but it's like this: When I'm slinking around the backyard and all that grill smoke goes wafting by my nostrils, it just makes thinking about anything but meat near impossible. Shoot, I should've added a third (and in all caps) MEAT to that list! (Next year, for sure!)

Tip: Click the play button down below for a heightened sensory grilling-experience.

But before I get going here, let's just make a couple things clear (for us dogs):

• Meat is good, but GRILLS ARE HOT! Just DO NOT get on, nor anywhere near, them while the peeps are charring that meat! Have you ever smelled burning fur? No? Well, I smelled some burning peep fur that got caught in the hair dryer, and let me tell you, IT SMELLS BAD. Nasty, burning fur smell does NOT mingle well with burning meat smell. Plus, singed fur. Just no. 
• Meat is good, but the human kind, with the grease and sticky marlinades (sp?) and stuff? It WILL MAKE YOUR colon BLOW (pardon my French), if you eat too much! And by too much, I mean, not even enough to make you full! Yes, it sucks! But think of your colon, and - for the love of regularity - be happy with the measly scraps they throw you!

Hold up; I dropped my bribe treat. Hey, does that say "POO"?? 

OK, I'm back.

Hey, you know that old peep saying that you "can't have your cake and eat it too"? (Ha, you can have it IN YOUR BELLY. Sorry, I digress.) Well, guess what? It doesn't apply to grilled meat! Nope, thanks to the magic chefs at Merrick - who cooked up all their new, summer seasonals* recipes - we can have our grilled meat (no flames required) AND...EAT IT ALL! (OK, not all, as in a whole truckload of a seasonals recipe, but enough to fill your regular-sized dinner plate!) Woo hoo! Yay for summer and Merrick dog food!

Do you know what else? With all the delicious, summer music-inspired recipe names, I thought Dewi and I would do a little karaoke for you all! Maybe your peep'll get you some of this mouth-slobbering summertime food, so you can have some dinner while you watch! It'll be like we're having a virtual barbecue on the brown grass dog beach! 

Hey, Dewi, you're up! Get over here!

(to Jon Farleigh, off camera) Yeah, man. What am I supposed to be doing?

(Jon Farleigh, from off camera) Turn around and talk to the party-ers, ya dork!

(Dewi, to himself) Takes one to know one, butt munch.

Oh, hey, y'all. Having fun yet? What was that? You say, "your fun quotient will rise a thousand percent when JF and me get up and sing"?? Well, HOT DOG! Let's get this party started, baby!

Yee haaaaaaaaaaw!

Inspired by Summer Lovin' Stew™...

Summer Nights (Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta, Grease original soundtrack)










Click the play button to hear the song!

♪♪ Summer lovin' had me a blast.

♪♪ Summer lovin' happened so fast.

♪♪ Met a girl crazy for me.

♪♪ Met a boy cute as can be.

♪♪ Summer days drifting away
To, uh oh, those summer nights.

Well-a well-a well-a huh?

::: CUT! :::

Oh, NO! The karaoke stops right here, y'all! There's nothing more to tell here, got it?!

(darn straight.)

Alright, alright. That's not the only song we're playing. Check this out...

Inspired by Surf n' Turf USA™...

Surfin' USA
(The Beach Boys)













Click play, if you wanna hear it!
  

♪♪ If everybody had an ocean
Across the USA.
Then everybody'd be surfin'
Like Californi-a.

♪♪ You'd see 'em wearing their baggies
Huarache sandals too.
A bushy bushy blond hairdo
Surfin' USA.

:::CUT!:::

What the heck is this song even about, man? I'm talking about surf n' turf! Steak and shrimp! If everybody had an ocean, everybody'd need a fishing pole! And what the fudge pudding does a bushy bushy blond hairdo have to do with it?! Maybe we can see the hibachi sandals...wait. HIBACHI SANDALS? Surfer shoes double as hibachi's??

OMD, that's just DUMB!

But speaking of shrimp, hold up, y'all! It's time for our bribe snack...

OK, next up: our finale! Let's leave this brown lawn sandbox with a BANG, y'all!

Inspired by Star Spangled Supper™...

The Star-Spangled Banner
(Francis Scott Key, lyrics)
















You know the drill!

♪♪ O! Say can you...

:::CUT!:::

You know what? Some songs are better left unsung by two hammy Cardigan corgis, agreed? But the kids who're singing in that sound clip? Give them a listen, K?

What an AWESOME country this is, y'all!

Hey, wasn't this fun? Let's do it again sometime, OK? Bye, now!

(Jon Farleigh to a fan on the front row) What's that? A pawtograph? Yeah, find me in the yard later. 


* Just like their year-round wet dog food recipes, Merrick seasonals (in addition to having punny names) are always grain-free, contain real, deboned meat as the first ingredient, and are made in the USA, in Merrick's own kitchen, using locally sourced ingredients. Give them a follow on Facebook and Twitter for the latest news and deals!

Psst! Hey, you! Wait up a minute. I'm Chef Bobby Flay O'Fish, and you can't leave without one LAST song from me, the feline grilling (and Cardi-house) master himself!

Though, please note: I DO NOT eat dog food. But I do eat Merrick CAT food when it's served. 

Here we go: Barnyard on the Grill (by Jeff YokeUp Petkevicius)!

Ahem.

♪♪ Barnyard on the grill
It's a barnyard on the grill.
It's cows and pigs and chicken on a heap
Cuz that's what we all love to eat!
(repeat verse)

Let's go barbecue! 

{drops mic}