Thursday, November 29, 2012

Strangers in the Night - A Parody/PSA

*Bonus canine commentary included (after the song)!

So this is me, interpreting Eva, interpreting her feelings for Maddox** a song. Some of you might recognize the tune. (Sorry, Frank, wherever you are. Ahem.)

Strangers in the Night

Strangers in the night, exchanging glances
Dancing 'round a fight, what were the chances
We'd be sharing grub before the night was through?

Something in your scent got me frustrated 
Even though I'm spayed...and you're castrated 
Something in my mind told me I must have you!

unaltered image source

Strangers in the night
Two altered felines, we were strangers in the night
Up to the moment when we sniffed our first butthole, little did we know
We'd be sharing grub today, a late-night feed-your-face soiree.


Ever since that night you ditched the shelter,
Your allure I will requite, sharing grub forever
It turned out so right for strangers in the night!


On behalf of Eva and Maddox (and all grub-eating past, present and future homeless/shelter pets),
The Chronicles of Cardigan would like to issue a public service announcement:

Pets should share grub and glances, not "love" and warm embracing "dances."
(Even the old crusty ones will dance, if given the chance!)

Get your (googly-eyed) critter(s) spayed or neutered!


Bonus canine commentary:

Did you know that with herding dogs, counting sheep has the opposite effect than with humans?

Please tell me you didn't use the word "grub" in public.

Aren't they special? ;-)

**Eva follows Maddox around like a lovesick groupie. He, from the very first night, politely allows it. He also waits patiently for her to eat first. How could I not help her write her song, people?!

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

If You Give a Nutty Pet Blogger Some Cheap Holiday-Themed Accessories from Target

Apologies to Laura Numeroff, the award-winning author of the popular "If you give..." series children's books, including If You Give a Pig a Pancake.

If You Give a Nutty Pet Blogger Some Cheap Holiday-Themed Accessories from Target...

*And by give, I mean sell.

She'll become giddy with anticipation over how hilarious they'll look on her canine blog subjects, Jon Farleigh and Dewi!  

Then after she's determined they'll do, she'll need to put them away (for a few days) inside the cabinet where she stores the extra rolls of paper towels (and any other previously purchased cheap holiday-themed accessories from Target).

Meanwhile (because everyone should look their best for a holiday shoot), she'll have to book the dogs for grooming sessions.

And the grooming sessions will remind her that she needs to have some high-value treats on hand for the upcoming photo shoot.

Which will remind her that she needs to go to Target to buy more paper towels (to clean up the drool from the high-value treats, obviously). 

And when she gets to Target, the first thing she'll see when she gets through the door are the bins of cheap (Christmas) holiday-themed accessories!

And naturally, she'll want some!

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!


(that's a sideways turkey head, BTW. ;)

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Meet (sweet) William, an Adoptable Cardigan Corgi Mix in Richmond, VA!

I took these photos of him while we were playing outside the Richmond SPCA (his temporary home) on Friday. Isn't he a cutie?!

That Kong you've got there makes me happy; toss it, please?
Oh, and by the way, I love you.

Hello. Guess what? I'm thankful for this here Kong...oh, and you, too.

What? Not what you were expecting? Thinking I made a typo in the title?
That perhaps Elizabeth sees the world through "Cardigan-colored glasses*"?

Well actually, I most certainly do/did...NOT!  See...?

screenshot source

Hint: Look at the breed (up there on his Richmond SPCA adoption profile).

Still scratching your head?

Maybe this (which happens to be attached to the door of his shelter run) will clear it up for you...

"See DNA results."

William is A12396298. Wisdom Panel is the name of the company that supplied
and performed the cheek-swab DNA test.

This is what's printed at the top of the test report:

"The Wisdom Panel® Shelter Dog™ computer algorithm performed over seven million calculations using 11 different models (from a single breed to complex combinations of breeds) to predict the most likely combination of pure and mixed breed dogs in the last 3 ancestral generations that best fit the DNA marker pattern observed in A12396298. The ancestry chart depicting the best statistical result of this analysis is shown in the picture below."

Here are William's test results:

Can you make out that Cardigan Corgi silhouette up there on the left?
OK, here's a closer look.

This is the image that transfixed me to the front of William's shelter run. 

Because my crappy camera (I left the nicer one at home) cut off part of the chart, here's the bottom line:

William is a "Cardigan Welsh Corgi (12.5%)/Chinese Shar-Pei (12.5%)/Boxer (12.5%) Mix crossed with American Staffordshire Terrier (25%) Mix." 

But that only adds up to 62.5% of his genetic makeup. That's because the other 37.5% is made up of many other breeds' DNA, but not enough of any particular one to be named with any level of confidence.

Oh, and just so you know, no one at the RSPCA told me about William or asked me to write this post; I discovered his "secret" completely by accident, strolling through the adoptable dogs after a volunteer session earlier this week. I was so taken aback by my discovery, though, that I volunteered to go back the next morning just so I could take William (and some other dogs) for a walk and some play time outside (hence that first photo up there).

So what does all this mean?

(Note: I'm assuming William's DNA sample was clean and the results are accurate.)

That I'm trying to make a case for adopting William because he's part Cardigan Welsh Corgi?
Actually, I think that would be a poor reason to adopt William. He deserves better.

To be honest, William is such a great dog (polite, happy, even-tempered, easy on the eyes, healthy, squeezable...) that I'm banking it won't be his "secret" Corgi lineage that swiftly works its way into someone's heart. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he gets himself adopted before you even finish reading this sentence. (Man, that would be awesome!)

What I am hoping for, however, is that the next time you (or anyone else who reads through this post) meets up with a dog who looks like William, that you might pause and reflect - even for just a moment - about all the sweet "secrets" that possibly (or likely) lie beneath that (oh, so) familiar exterior.


*In fact, through "Cardigan-colored glasses," one could see all the colors in an 8-pack Crayola box, except for green and purple! :-) 

Monday, November 12, 2012


Sometimes one just has to shout it off the rooftop. :)

Getting up there (on the roof) is a real bletch though, especially when one is struggling to keep one's eyes open on account of the "marked drowsiness" one is experiencing from the Benadryl one is taking to quell the raging, ferociously itchy stress-related dermatitis (aka rash) all over one's knees.

Now, see that (rash comment up there)? That's what some Social Media folks might call "oversharing." Yep.  [insert frantic knee scratching]

So anyway, I've been feeling particularly sentimental about my furry companions lately and decided rather than to disturb the peace outside, I'd just shout it out all over the internet. Yay!

Oh, and I took some photos today...

Yes, that's my eye.

I have no idea what we're looking at up there.

Hey, you know how some dogs get excited by a human lying face-up on the ground, and will rush in and lick the helpless human's every inch of exposed skin? 

Yes, well my dogs don't do that.  :-p

This was the best shot I could get of Dewi and me (while gripping the camera and him at the same time) . He was just too doggone busy!

So, I call this next one (below) the Cardi-cat "Hug" (or what Maddox does to show affection). He's an arm hugger. I'm not even making this up. 

Those big mitts of his make me all warm and gooey inside. :)

Sadly, I was too drowsy to take any other photos. [nods off while thinking about scratching itchy knee]

Just a heads up that Wednesday is a big V (veterinarian) day for some of us: Bertie's "donating" his balls, Jon Farleigh's getting groomed while his poop is scrutinized, and Dewi's getting a full-on once-over (with needles and butt probes), PLUS he's getting his feet and nails done.

Thank you for thinking of them in their brief time of suffering. [yawns] Terribly sorry. 

Goodnight, moon friends. :)

Friday, November 9, 2012

Classic Cardigan: The Princess and the Piece of Kibble (with enhanced voice narration!)

Hi, there, y'all! As noted previously, today I am re-posting a classic. In fact, out of 439 published posts, this happens to be one of my favorites. Maybe it's one of yours, too. :)

And since nowadays, most re-releases come loaded with enhancements and/or bonus footage, I've decided to freshen this post up a little by adding in a distinct (and setting-appropriate) narrator: A Scottish Butler.
(Who doesn't like the melody of a sexy Scottish brogue, right?) 

Click the Play icon above to hear a short audio clip of a sexy Scottish brogue.

And by Scottish Butler, naturally, I mean Gerry here:

Gerard Butler image source

Hold on a sec...
[insert 5 seconds]

Okay, sorry about that. Needed to take a few drags out of a brown paper bag. A little lightheaded, is all. ;)

So now, without further delay (and with sexy Scottish Butler brogue narration - in your imagination), please enjoy afresh (originally published on February 10, 2012):

The Princess and the Piece of Kibble

Once upon a time, in a land not far enough away...

There lived a fair princess, more delicate than a petunia petal.

Behold; I am delicate.

But there were members of the royal staff who were skeptical of the princess' royal heritage, and plotted to put her to the test.

Lord of the Bedchamber: That's no lady.
Deputy Clerk of the Closet: Yeah, she's about as royal as Burger King.

And that night, secretly, before the princess finished brushing her teeth with a fish flavored kitty Greenie, the two dubious staffers conned a commoner into sticking a piece of kibble under the princess' mattress (a huge pile of towels).

Not a rodent turd.

If the princess was truly royalty, her delicate skin would detect the bump under her towel-mattress and she would not be able to sleep.

What are dogs doing in my bedchamber?

Who are you calling a dog, cat face? You'll address me as Lord. And he's the Deputy.

But the Deputy had become fixed on something...

It's calling my name.

It's coming from in here!

Found it!

Mmmm, tasted like chicken!

Unfortunately for the staff, the princess later got wind of their hair-brained scheme and had them demoted to Court jesters.


The End


The inspiration for this hair-brained blog post?
Right here. Pure Sesame Street brilliance from my youth. ;)

Click here if video doesn't load.

Have a great weekend, everybody!

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

While my creativity recovers from its recent brush with politics, please enjoy some photos of my dogs' disgruntled faces!

Seems the dogs were in a mood this morning. ;)

Oh yeah? Well you can kiss my grits!

Life is a cabaret, my @ss.

[chirp chirp]

Oops! How did that get in here?! Oh, wait. I remember.

You see, yesterday, while in an election day-induced fit of weakness "creativity stupor," I drove my shopping cart past the half-off bin of Reese's lovers Halloween candy and accidentally picked up, paid for and ate several of these.  

The moral of this story?

Please don't let your "impaired" friends drive their shopping carts past the half-off Reese's Halloween candy. 

Thanks for listening.

P.S. My next post is going to be a classic (as in re-run). But don't worry, I'll pick a good one. :)


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