Random Act of Kindness: Pick-out-something-from Etsy Iveaway-gay!

Speak Pig Latin, do you? ;) (Ok, fine. Translation: iveaway-gay = giveaway ;)

Before I get down to business - with rules and stuff - I need to confess a couple things (for my own inner peace):

1. I don't like hosting giveaways on this blog. It feels awkward, probably because by design, giveaways are not funny (especially when one doesn't win), and therefore, don't fit in with the whole kooky theme I've got going on here. That and they're potentially humiliating. As in what if NO ONE ENTERS?! Then what? Isn't it basically just confirmation (in front of all 7 of one's loyal readers, who were, incidentally, too embarrassed to enter, plus the rest of the free world) that all those page hits were really just people Googling for "butt jokes" or photos of Aquasaurs (for example)? Can you imagine the horror?! ;)

2. I have been shamelessly entering a bunch of giveaways over here (hint: the blog name rhymes with "The Why-oneer Flummon"). And I really hope I win something!

Thanks for listening.

So, here I am. Randomly hosting a random (and potentially embarrassing*) $25 Etsy gift card giveaway - because I just feel like it!

Maddox's collar and tag = awesome Etsy finds!

Also, because every time I see Maddox in his handmade sock monkey collar and tag (ordered from Etsy, and blogged about here), I bust out in a smile all over my face and feel like giving something away!

Rawr.

The rules are easy: Simply leave a comment (one per person, please) stating something you are good at hand-making!

(And please don't tell me "nothing," because I know good and well that you can at least spread peanut butter between two slices of white bread!)

On Saturday (12/15) morning, I will select one (1) winner from the comments (using a random number generator) and make an announcement on Facebook and Twitter (hint: you will need to go to one of those two places to see if you've won).

Good luck!

Necessary fine print:

• If you are a spammer, I will find your comment, pan fry it and then feed it to my friend, Mr. D. Lete Button.
• This contest is open worldwide, however, Etsy gift cards are only accepted at U.S.-based sellers who accept credit cards as payment. (Both sellers I mentioned above, for example, meet the criteria.) You are responsible for ensuring the seller ships to your country of residence.
• The winner will receive one (1) $25 Etsy gift card, sent electronically (via email) directly from Etsy. You may provide your e-mail address when claiming your prize.
• This random giveaway is sponsored by The Chronicles of Cardigan. Etsy doesn't know me from a hole in the wall!

* Please enter the contest, or I'll have to blame poor Maddox for my embarrassment. 

Classic Cardigan: The Princess and the Piece of Kibble (with enhanced voice narration!)

Hi, there, y'all! As noted previously, today I am re-posting a classic. In fact, out of 439 published posts, this happens to be one of my favorites. Maybe it's one of yours, too. :)

And since nowadays, most re-releases come loaded with enhancements and/or bonus footage, I've decided to freshen this post up a little by adding in a distinct (and setting-appropriate) narrator: A Scottish Butler.
(Who doesn't like the melody of a sexy Scottish brogue, right?) 

Click the Play icon above to hear a short audio clip of a sexy Scottish brogue.

And by Scottish Butler, naturally, I mean Gerry here:

Gerard Butler image source

Hold on a sec...

[insert 5 seconds]

Okay, sorry about that. Needed to take a few drags out of a brown paper bag. A little lightheaded, is all. ;)

So now, without further delay (and with sexy Scottish Butler brogue narration - in your imagination), please enjoy afresh (originally published on February 10, 2012):

The Princess and the Piece of Kibble

Once upon a time, in a land not far enough away...

There lived a fair princess, more delicate than a petunia petal.

Behold; I am delicate.

But there were members of the royal staff who were skeptical of the princess' royal heritage, and plotted to put her to the test.

Lord of the Bedchamber: That's no lady.
Deputy Clerk of the Closet: Yeah, she's about as royal as Burger King.

And that night, secretly, before the princess finished brushing her teeth with a fish flavored kitty Greenie, the two dubious staffers conned a commoner into sticking a piece of kibble under the princess' mattress (a huge pile of towels).

Not a rodent turd.

If the princess was truly royalty, her delicate skin would detect the bump under her towel-mattress and she would not be able to sleep.

What are dogs doing in my bedchamber?

Who are you calling a dog, cat face? You'll address me as Lord. And he's the Deputy.

But the Deputy had become fixed on something...

It's calling my name.

It's coming from in here!

Found it!

Mmmm, tasted like chicken!

Unfortunately for the staff, the princess later got wind of their hair-brained scheme and had them demoted to Court jesters.

Tequila!

The End

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The inspiration for this hair-brained blog post?

Right here. Pure Sesame Street brilliance from my youth. ;)

Click here if video doesn't load.

Have a great weekend, everybody!

Panhandling Bug Photo with Horrible Caption

It was yet to be seen whether, in the survival of the fittest, nature would select or reject Marty Mantis.

Photo credit: Moi! (aka yours truly)

If you ask me, praying mantises' gifts are largely underutilized. ;)

Also, I took this photo years ago, but for some reason today, the insect spoke to me. hehe

OK, I'll just be bugging off now!

Classic Cardigan: Jon Farleigh Covers James Brown (on His Good Foot)

Confession: I was going to post something new today, but I'm tired from doting over Maddox's every move and I decided to go read some magazines instead. Oh, and I took a kid to 7-Eleven for free Slurpee day (today is 7/11 and it's 7-Eleven's birthday; if you're on the West Coast, you still have time to get your freebie).

So anyway, instead of posting something new, I've decided, in honor of 7-Eleven's birthday because it's 7/11, to re-post the post I published on this day last year. It happens to be a doozy. :)

Oh, and if you don't listen to the song, you are seriously missing out.

Originally posted on 7/11/11...

Monday Morning with James Brown, er, Jon Farleigh - Get on The Good Foot

This blog post is in all kinds of bad taste; my apologies to everyone. :)

Heeeeeeeyyyyyyyy!!!!!  [insert hairball]

Okay, so I heard THIS SONG* (link to YouTube opens in a new window) on my car radio earlier this morning and thought:

"Hmmm, this is a good song to hear on a Monday morning, but how can I make it work on the blog?..."

[insert me thinking]

I've got it! 

Have you ever wondered what you sound like to your pet dog (because everyone knows that cats don't listen)?

Two words:

JAMES BROWN

Like so:

Musakk hek firly bibbidy bobbity boo dun BOYS!!!! heh heh katt GET DOWN!!!!  [insert hairball]

But with a delivery like James Brown's, how can they (our dogs) not want to get down???

*****

Have a FUN-ky (like James Brown) day!!!

*Get on the Good Foot

Classic Cardigan: Jon Farleigh Learns a Hard Lesson about Eating Hair

Due to technical difficulty with my aging PC, which, for most of the afternoon and evening, refused to communicate with my camera, which contained all my recent (and relevant to today's post) photos, I'm sharing the "companion" post to last Friday's "life lesson" classic. (Which, since Jon Farleigh was with the groomer getting his "summer cut" today, is ironically fitting.)

Originally posted on October 4, 2011:

Life Lessons Learned the Hard Way by Jon Farleigh - Ingesting Hair

Jon Farleigh swallowed some of his own hair (never mind how I know this), which, this afternoon, led to a series of unfortunate events. 

At this time, Jon Farleigh will take over the blog and tell the story in his own words (okay, mostly pictures).

Hairy dogs, please play close attention.

If you eat some hair and get that "not-so-fresh" feeling, DO NOT use this...

carpet

...when you should be using this...

...or else the Mom person will use these...

Any questions?

Please leave me now.

***

Poor dude. :)

I'll see everyone back here on Wednesday (not tomorrow - as I'll be detained - from my PC) with photos and thoughts about Dewi and me spending today without Jon Farleigh. :)

Have a great day!

Cute Welsh Corgis and Guys in Ties

This is a cute guy in a tie.

Image Source

This is a cute Welsh guy in a tie.

Image Source

And these are cute (Cardigan) Welsh Corgi guys in ties.

Who doesn't like a cute guy in a tie every now and then?

Carry on!

Jon Farleigh and Dewi on the Big Green Thing (in Spring)

Please note that the most telling thing about this post, aside from the obvious, is that my child and I just spent 30 minutes outside (in full view of passers-by) taking these pictures. I'm pretty sure that makes me a crazy dog lady.

And this just in...while I was out there taking these pictures, I must have picked up a stowaway caterpillar, because just now, as I was typing, a furry caterpillar dropped off my head and landed in my lap. 

And I screamed.

The caterpillar is now outside (but I still feel it crawling on my head).

Okay, here are some pictures of Jon Farleigh and Dewi standing on the big green thing in my yard. 

I call that green metal box the big green thing. The dogs were up there so they couldn't run off.

This photo makes Dewi's head look really big compared to his body. Notice that those last three yellow letters (under JF) spell "POO." I did not notice that until I uploaded the photos. 

Someone must have audibly broken wind here.

I added the pink softball to make the big green thing look more springlike. Darn "POO" messed it all up.

And for this last shot, Middle Child was behind me waving the pink ball in the air. 

Next we helped the dogs down and they went to pee.

The End

P.S. The sunglasses were a bad idea.

***

Hope you had/have a nice day today. :)

Bad Valentine's Day Poetry and Dogs Sporting Tasteless Captions

How else did you think I was going to get your attention today? 

Ahem.

Love Bites

Orchids grow in stones.

Roses grow in dirt.

I like my cat,

but her love bites hurt.

Dear Lulabelle,
Love means never having to say you're sorry FOR GIVING YOUR PERSON TETANUS.
Love,
Me

~~~~~

Flirtatious dogs and men have much in common.

Refer to the above caption.

THIS POST IS FOR ALL THE PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T SMILED ENOUGH TODAY! :)

One more...

Happy Valentine's Day from the whole crew!

We are CRAZY 4U!

XOXO

The Princess and the Piece of Kibble

Once upon a time, in a land not far enough away...

There lived a fair princess, more delicate than a petunia petal.

Behold; I am delicate.

But there were members of the royal staff who were skeptical of the princess' royal heritage, and plotted to put her to the test.

Lord of the Bedchamber: That's no lady.
Deputy Clerk of the Closet: Yeah, she's about as royal as Burger King.

And that night, secretly, before the princess finished brushing her teeth with a fish flavored kitty Greenie, the two dubious staffers conned a commoner into sticking a piece of kibble under the princess' mattress (a huge pile of towels).

Not a rodent turd.

If the princess was truly royalty, her delicate skin would detect the bump under her towel-mattress and she would not be able to sleep.

What are dogs doing in my bedchamber?

Who are you calling a dog, cat face? You'll address me as Lord. And he's the Deputy.

But the Deputy had become fixed on something...

It's calling my name.

It's coming from in here!

Found it!

Mmmm, tasted like chicken!

Unfortunately for the staff, the princess later got wind of their hair-brained scheme and had them demoted to Court jesters.

Tequila!

The End

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The inspiration for this hair-brained blog post?

Right here. Pure Sesame Street brilliance from my youth. ;)

Click here if video doesn't load.

Have a great weekend, everybody!

Random, Immature (Dog) Joke with Raspberries

Me: Jon Farleigh, how many dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb? [hee hee]

pffffffffffffttttttttttttt!

*****

While I'm being immature...Want to know a sure fire way to make someone laugh (including yourself - unless you have no sense of humor to speak of)? Try to talk with your tongue sticking out. Like go back and read this post OUT LOUD with your tongue out. I'm telling you, it works like a charm on my grouchy-butt kids. (Makes my face a little sore, though.)

I will try to do better on the blog tomorrow. ;-)

Crazy, Unfocused, Butt-Centric Cardigans - You'll Find All That and More Here!

According to Google Analytics. :)

Random butt shot? Hardly.

I've written before about some of the unusual ways people have found this blog through search queries. And now that the blog's a year old, based on a hunch that there might be more "unusual" where that came from, I thought it might be fun to share the top, sure-fire, tried-and-true ways to find The Chronicles of Cardigan on the Net (aside from typing in the exact address in your browser).

Ready?

(Note: Click links to see where the "unusual" queries landed.)

1. chronicles of cardigan (and all manner of variations, including misspellings)
2. ann margret (and all manner of variations)
3. aquasaurs (and all manner of queries with this word and/or the scientific name, triops, and sea monkey)
4. Dewi and Jon Farleigh cardigan welsh corgi (and all manner of variations)
5. spooky buddies (and all manner of queries with these words)
6. busch gardens dog kennel (and all manner of variations on busch gardens + dog kennel)
7. does my butt look good? and all these verbatim* variations:
   • does my butt look good
   • why does as* look good in slacks
   • my as* doesn't look good in pants
   • look at these pictures of my as*
   • i look good in these pants
   • i feel bad about my butt
   • good look buttocks
   • does my butt look okay
   • does my as* look good
   • does my arse look good
   • butt look perfect in pants
   *There were no asterisks in as* on the analytics report. This is a family-friendly blog, people.

Gratuitous booty? No way.

Now, based on this list, IF (and that's a BIG if) I was concerned about capitalizing on optimizing my blog topics/key words to draw more of certain search queries, I could probably do a few things, like:

• Start an Ann-Margret fan page and keep it regularly updated. NOT!
• Keep aquasaurs year-round so I can report on them and give them funny voices like Marcel the Shell. NOPE!
• I can't even go there for #5. [shudder]
• Take the dogs to Busch Gardens more often. Could happen, but I'm not writing about it.
• Do more dog butt stories (but conveniently not mention the word "dog" anywhere in the post)! 
  
  
  Friends, I think I'm on to something. (And if you believe that, I've got some swamp land I can sell you for cheap.)

Do Corgi butts drive me nuts? Absolutely.
(Roxi's butt)

Oh yeah, did you notice how "poop" isn't in any of those popular queries, despite the fact that I love talking about it so much? Know what that means? There's already a corner on the "poop" blog market. Darn it.

*****

So the title of this post indicates that there might be some crazy and unfocused stuff in this blog, too.
YEAH RIGHT! Google IS WRONG!  I wish. (You know, I can hear those thoughts you're thinking.)

But come on, how in Sam Hill did these (down below) queries spit out my blog?! Synonyms or no. And why would someone page forward that far?!

• crazy blog (This actually converted into four page views. Figures.)
• people says i'm unfocused (And they're correct.)
• coconut cake bahamas (Huh???)
• my tongue pokes out when i laugh (I dare you to try this.)
• ten reasons my dog is better than my ex (Which one of you searched for this? ;)
• how to clean house (Bwahahahaha!)
• discreet happy hump day (Discreet?)
• toilet keeps overflowing when son poops (It's called a courtesy flush, my friends. Divide and conquer.)
  
  And my FAVORITE!...
• the cutest dog in the world guinness record (Hey, I'm just reporting the facts, y'all!)

*****

May you find everything you're looking for this weekend!

Ta ta!