Epic, Classic Cardigan: Did you know I wrote a pet-parody of Bohemian Rhapsody AND Wayne's World? Here it is.

I will never forget that sunny Saturday afternoon - sitting at my kitchen table - when I finished writing these lyrics. They had been days and countless re-writes in the making, and before that, the cause of MONTHS of angst-producing thought-percolation in my head.

When the last word was on paper (I wrote the whole thing long-hand), I just remember dropping my pen, running to find my husband and reading him the whole silly song. While at the same time, trying - in my quiet voice - to keep the lyrics' emotion and emphasis true to Mercury's original (wasn't even close, but that's OK).

My husband (who, frankly, had hardly ever read my pet humor, much less heard me read it aloud) just looked at me and smiled. I felt like a rockstar.

The piece was (and still is), creatively, the hardest thing I have ever produced for this virtual space, maybe ever. It's my epic rock ballad of dog-blog parodies.

And now, two years later, I give it to you afresh (and slightly revised). It still makes me feel like a rockstar. And I sure hope it makes you smile! ☺

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Dwayne's World Presents: Bohemian Dog Rhapsody (a song parody)

In case you aren't aware (and most of you won't be), I used to employ Dwayne (pictured above) on the blog as a roving tabloid reporter (of sorts). Here's his job experience. He was pretty good, if you ask me. But a while back - rumor has it - he went on a reporting sabbatical in the Chihuahuan Desert, and after that, well, word was he hooked up with some frizzy red-headed guy named Darth. And the two of them? Well, they got into this retro, public-access TV thing (as in: they had their own show called Dwayne's World - consisting mostly of a bunch of mindless blather and music videos). 

Yeah, I wasn't buying any of that malarkey, either (who does public-access TV anymore?). But then - out of the clear blue sky - I heard from Dwayne himself. And he told me it was all true. Then he sent me something for all of you (sort of a belated adios-and-have-a-nice-life e-card). I think you'll like it. 

Such a talent, that Dwayne. Gosh, I miss him!

<><><>

 Dwayne's World presents...

You'll laugh. You might cry. But, please, don't hurl; it's unbecoming.

Bohemian Dog Rhapsody

by Knave
(Queen canine cover band)

Tip: Click the PLAY button on the player below for the instrumental/karaoke track, so you can sing along! DO IT! ☺

♪♫♪♫ Is this my life?
It seems such a tragedy. 
Caught in a warped mind.
No escape from this parody.
Open your eyes.
It's just make believe, you see?
I'm just a red boy, from a red family.

And I am easy come, easy go

Never high, always low

Any way the wind blows, it's just passing gas to me.

♪♫♪♫♪

Mama, just licked a (small) man.

Put my tongue upon his head

Dragged it hither, now he's wet.

Mama, I had just begun

But he squealed, and then he shoved my head away.

Mama, ooooh

Didn't mean to get his eye

But it'll dry, and if not, I'll need to borrow...

The ShamWow, the ShamWow

As if slobber really matters.

♪♫♪♫♪

I see a boy who stacks legos with his hands.

Wants a pooch; wants a pooch

Have you tried the Petango?

Thunderbolt and lightning, pups might find it frightening

Try these (thundershirts - not an endorsement).

Galileo! Galileo! Galileo!

Galileo

Disney

Pinocchio!

♪♫♪♫♪

But I'm just a red boy and everybody loves me.

He's just a red boy, from a red family.

Spare him his pride from this blog malady.

Easy come, easy go - will you let him go?

Pepto Bismol! No - she will not let him go - let him go!

Pepto Bismol! She will not let him go - let him go!

(blah blah blah)

Never let me go - let me go!

Never let me go - oooh

No, no, no, no, no, no, no

Oh, mama mia, mama mia, mama mia, let me go.

  

The peeps at PetHub.com have a web page set aside for me.

For me.

For meeeeee!

(Hint: click image to crank up the volume!)

So you think you can make me a frat boy who smells pie?

Wrap bacon round my neck then leave me high and dry?

I Smelta Pie

Oh, baby, you must me bat-$#*t crazy!

I just gotta get out, just gotta get up outta here!

♪♫♪♫♪

Ooh yeah, ooh yeah

As if slobber really matters

Really, can't you see?

Slobber doesn't matter to me.

♪♫♪♫ Any way the wind blows...

The End

<><><><><>

Bonus music video!
The Muppets - Bohemian Rhapsody (full version)

Pure genius, it is (the video, and Jim Henson)!

♥♥♥

P.S. Dwayne's World isn't really real; neither is Wayne's World. 

 ^^^

If you could turn a song into a parody about your pet, which song would you choose? 

Dwayne's World Presents: Bohemian Dog Rhapsody (a song parody)

In case you aren't aware (and most of you won't be), I used to employ Dwayne (pictured above) on the blog as a roving tabloid reporter (of sorts). Here's his job experience. He was pretty good, if you ask me. But a while back - rumor has it - he went on a reporting sabbatical in the Chihuahuan Desert, and after that, well, word was he hooked up with some frizzy red-headed guy named Darth, and the two of them...they got into this retro, public-access TV thing (as in: they had their own show called Dwayne's World - consisting mostly of a bunch of mindless blather and music videos). 

Yeah, I wasn't buying any of that malarkey (who does public-access TV anymore?), but then (out of the clear blue sky) I heard from Dwayne himself. And he told me it was all true. And he sent me something for all of you (sort of a belated adios, and have a nice life e-card). I think you'll like it. ;)

Such a talent, that Dwayne. Gosh, I miss him.

<><><>

 Dwayne's World presents...

You'll laugh. You might cry. But, please don't hurl; it's unbecoming.

Bohemian Dog Rhapsody

by Knave
(Queen canine cover band)

Tip: Click the PLAY button on the player below for the instrumental/karaoke track, so you can sing along! DO IT! ☺

♪♫♪♫ Is this my life?
It seems such a tragedy. 
Caught in a warped mind.
No escape from this parody.
Open your eyes.
It's just make believe, you see?
I'm just a red boy, from a red family.

And I am easy come, easy go

Never high, always low

Any way the wind blows, it's just passing gas to me.

♪♫♪♫♪

Mama, just licked a (small) man.

Put my tongue upon his head

Dragged it hither, now he's wet.

Mama, I had just begun

But he squealed, and then he shoved my head away.

Mama, ooooh

Didn't mean to get his eye

But it'll dry, and if not, I'll need to borrow...

The ShamWow, the ShamWow

As if slobber really matters.

♪♫♪♫♪

I see a boy who stacks legos with his hands.

Wants a pooch; wants a pooch

Have you tried the Petango?

Thunderbolt and lightning, pups might find it frightening

Try these (thundershirts - not an endorsement).

Galileo! Galileo! Galileo!

Galileo

Disney

Pinocchio!

♪♫♪♫♪

But I'm just a red boy and everybody loves me.

He's just a red boy, from a red family.

Spare him his pride from this blog malady.

Easy come, easy go - will you let him go?

Pepto Bismol! No - she will not let him go - let him go!

Pepto Bismol! She will not let him go - let him go!

(blah blah blah)

Never let me go - let me go!

Never let me go - oooh

No, no, no, no, no, no, no

Oh, mama mia, mama mia, mama mia, let me go.

  

The peeps at PetHub.com have a web page set aside for me.

For me.

For meeeeee!

(Hint: click image to crank up the volume!)

So you think you can make me a frat boy who smells pie?

Wrap bacon round my neck then leave me high and dry?

I Smelta Pie

Oh, baby, you must me bat-$#*t crazy!

I just gotta get out, just gotta get up outta here!

♪♫♪♫♪

Ooh yeah, ooh yeah

As if slobber really matters

Really, can't you see?

Slobber doesn't matter to me.

♪♫♪♫ Any way the wind blows...

The End

<><><><><>

Bonus music video!
The Muppets - Bohemian Rhapsody (full version)

"Nothing really matters...but moi!" - Miss Piggy

♥♥♥

Git Along, Lil' Dwarf Dogies - A Song Parody with Funny Pet Outtakes

Preface: If you haven't read last week's post about my farm animal and vet (as in doctor) dreams, I think you ought. Unless you don't give a corroded penny whether you have context for the ridiculousness that you are about to see. In which case, whatever. ;-)

So, who knows the folk song (made famous in the 1940s by Roy Rogers) "Git Along, Little Dogies"? OK, fine, how about the Chipmunks version? The Muppets? What about Barney? Whoopee-ti-yi-yo? Anyone??

Well, you know what? It doesn't matter whether you know it or not. Just listen already.

♪♫♪♫ As I was out walkin' one mornin' for pleasure

I spied some catpunchers a-ridin' along.

I'z a cat. And I punch dogies.

They ears was throwed back and they purrs was a-idlin'

And as they approached they was singin' this song:

I'z gone sing now, y'all.

Whoopee-ti-yi-yo! Git along, lil' dwarf dogies!

Git.

'Tis your misfortune and none of my own.

We haz a misfortune.

Whoopee-ti-yi-yo! Git along, lil' dwarf dogies!

Git.

Your legs never growed and you look like a gnome.

(repeat refrain, with gusto)

WHOOPEE-TI-YI-YO! Git along, lil' dwarf dogies!

I ain't no gnome.

'Tis your misfortune and none of my own.

I miss fortune.

WHOOPEE-TI-YI-YO! Git along, lil' dwarf dogies!

I need'a git me a snack.

Your legs never growed and you look like a gnome. ♪♫♪♫

Well, I'll be doggoned. Maybe I iz a gnome. 

The End

*****

Oh, and there's this:

His name is Bobby Flay O'Fish. My Our new foster kitten. :-)

I plucked him off a 6-lane highway last Saturday. Harrowing, I tell you. :-(

(P.S. If you follow(ed) me on Instagram and/or Twitter, you'd know these types of things already. Ahem.)

The little guy (approx. 7 wks. old) was feral, but we're taming him, and, as you can see, he's taking to human contact like a (Bobby Flay O') fish to water, so to speak. ;-)

Stay tuned.

And have a marvelous weekend!

Bonus video track:

Arlo Guthrie parodies "Git Along, Little Dogies" (in episode 408, from this exact week in June of 1979) on The Muppet Show!

Classic Cardigan: The Princess and the Piece of Kibble (with enhanced voice narration!)

Hi, there, y'all! As noted previously, today I am re-posting a classic. In fact, out of 439 published posts, this happens to be one of my favorites. Maybe it's one of yours, too. :)

And since nowadays, most re-releases come loaded with enhancements and/or bonus footage, I've decided to freshen this post up a little by adding in a distinct (and setting-appropriate) narrator: A Scottish Butler.
(Who doesn't like the melody of a sexy Scottish brogue, right?) 

Click the Play icon above to hear a short audio clip of a sexy Scottish brogue.

And by Scottish Butler, naturally, I mean Gerry here:

Gerard Butler image source

Hold on a sec...

[insert 5 seconds]

Okay, sorry about that. Needed to take a few drags out of a brown paper bag. A little lightheaded, is all. ;)

So now, without further delay (and with sexy Scottish Butler brogue narration - in your imagination), please enjoy afresh (originally published on February 10, 2012):

The Princess and the Piece of Kibble

Once upon a time, in a land not far enough away...

There lived a fair princess, more delicate than a petunia petal.

Behold; I am delicate.

But there were members of the royal staff who were skeptical of the princess' royal heritage, and plotted to put her to the test.

Lord of the Bedchamber: That's no lady.
Deputy Clerk of the Closet: Yeah, she's about as royal as Burger King.

And that night, secretly, before the princess finished brushing her teeth with a fish flavored kitty Greenie, the two dubious staffers conned a commoner into sticking a piece of kibble under the princess' mattress (a huge pile of towels).

Not a rodent turd.

If the princess was truly royalty, her delicate skin would detect the bump under her towel-mattress and she would not be able to sleep.

What are dogs doing in my bedchamber?

Who are you calling a dog, cat face? You'll address me as Lord. And he's the Deputy.

But the Deputy had become fixed on something...

It's calling my name.

It's coming from in here!

Found it!

Mmmm, tasted like chicken!

Unfortunately for the staff, the princess later got wind of their hair-brained scheme and had them demoted to Court jesters.

Tequila!

The End

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The inspiration for this hair-brained blog post?

Right here. Pure Sesame Street brilliance from my youth. ;)

Click here if video doesn't load.

Have a great weekend, everybody!

The Princess and the Piece of Kibble

Once upon a time, in a land not far enough away...

There lived a fair princess, more delicate than a petunia petal.

Behold; I am delicate.

But there were members of the royal staff who were skeptical of the princess' royal heritage, and plotted to put her to the test.

Lord of the Bedchamber: That's no lady.
Deputy Clerk of the Closet: Yeah, she's about as royal as Burger King.

And that night, secretly, before the princess finished brushing her teeth with a fish flavored kitty Greenie, the two dubious staffers conned a commoner into sticking a piece of kibble under the princess' mattress (a huge pile of towels).

Not a rodent turd.

If the princess was truly royalty, her delicate skin would detect the bump under her towel-mattress and she would not be able to sleep.

What are dogs doing in my bedchamber?

Who are you calling a dog, cat face? You'll address me as Lord. And he's the Deputy.

But the Deputy had become fixed on something...

It's calling my name.

It's coming from in here!

Found it!

Mmmm, tasted like chicken!

Unfortunately for the staff, the princess later got wind of their hair-brained scheme and had them demoted to Court jesters.

Tequila!

The End

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The inspiration for this hair-brained blog post?

Right here. Pure Sesame Street brilliance from my youth. ;)

Click here if video doesn't load.

Have a great weekend, everybody!