Well-Loved Tacky Thanksgiving Cardigan: Jon Farleigh the Turkey

And by well-loved, I mean, I've proudly published it once already. ☺

But first, have one last look at Dug. I have to send him back home after this post. (Not really, I've just run out of GIFs.)

OK, are you ready to see the tacky cardigan? It might even give Dug, there, are run for his money!

Originally published on November 28, 2013...

Tacky Cardigan With Words on It: Stupid Turkey Day Homonyms

Feel free to take a moment or two to let this sink in all the way. 

Tune in next time when I invite Dewi to a weenie roast and reward him with weenies for pretending to be one. ☺

Speaking of Dewi, this...

He's thankful for the same thing as Jon Farleigh. 

I'm thankful for readers who, in spite of knowing who the real buffoon of this blog is, still keep coming back for more! 

Happy (day after) Thanksgiving, y'all!

'Til next time!

Classic Cardigan on Giving Thanks: I Dress My Dogs Funny for Holidays Because Target Enables Me - A Literary Spoof

I have an entire cabinet full of cheap holiday-themed accessories from Target (and, more recently, Dollar General). It's all for the dogs. I put stuff on them, giggle, show the family, they roll their eyes, I roll mine back at them, and then I decide how I'm gonna work it (my adorned dogs) into the blog.

This has been going on for nearly four years. And that, friends, means that every time I so much as open that cabinet door and reach inside - in anticipation of the TREATS that go along with costumes and photo sessions - the dogs dance around in circles, exactly like Dug is doing up there. (Especially Dewi.)

Which makes it three times as hard to get them to sit still for the pictures. Which means more treats. Which means more dancing the next time I pull out the cheap holiday accessories.

I'm telling you, it's a vicious circle. I blame Target. ☺

So, what does this story have anything to do with Thanksgiving, you ask? Well, it doesn't. Except that it was the week of Thanksgiving when I wrote this next (cheap holiday accessory-laden) classic. 

Originally published on November 21, 2012...

If You Give a Nutty Pet Blogger Some Cheap Holiday-Themed Accessories from Target

Apologies to Laura Numeroff, the award-winning author of the popular "If you give..." series children's books, including If You Give a Pig a Pancake.

If You Give a Nutty Pet Blogger Some Cheap Holiday-Themed Accessories from Target...

*And by give, I mean sell.

She'll become giddy with anticipation over how hilarious they'll look on her canine blog subjects, Jon Farleigh and Dewi!  

Then after she's determined they'll do, she'll need to put them away (for a few days) inside the cabinet where she stores the extra rolls of paper towels (and any other previously purchased cheap holiday-themed accessories from Target).

Meanwhile (because everyone should look their best for a holiday shoot), she'll have to book the dogs for grooming sessions.

And the grooming sessions will remind her that she needs to have some high-value treats on hand for the upcoming photo shoot.

Which will remind her that she needs to go to Target to buy more paper towels (to clean up the drool from the high-value treats, obviously). 

And when she gets to Target, the first thing she'll see when she gets through the door are the bins of cheap (Christmas) holiday-themed accessories!

And naturally, she'll want some!

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

<:>== 

Do your dogs like getting dressed up? 

^^^^^^^^^

Check back tomorrow for one last Thanksgiving-inspired "classic" (I use the word "classic" loosely)!

Classic Cardigan on Giving Thanks: The Time I Made the Dogs Wear Thanksgiving Costumes in Gale-Force Wind

Speaking of gale-force wind, I don't know how Dug didn't get blown straight off the porch in this scene. Do you see how high off the ground they are? It's a good thing Carl likes dogs!

See below for a reminder of what happened right before Dug jumped on Carl.

*sigh*

Oh, and by the way, I still have a couple other Dug GIFs left to share this week! ☺

So, this is "Classic Cardigan on Giving Thanks" week! (Remember, from Monday?) And that means, it's time for another classic Thanksgiving-inspired post from the archives!

Once again, going way back to the beginning...originally published on November 23, 2011...

I'm thankful for 32 mph wind gusts...

...that usher in clear skies and cool temperatures. It's not supposed to be warm and muggy in Virginia on Thanksgiving.

Good times!

And I'm thankful for vacation days from school. Because there's no way I could've taken this shot without four extra hands. 

Turkey and Pumpkin

But the thing I'm most thankful for today -- especially as the out-of-school girl children and I were balancing ourselves in a wind storm at the end of a long pier, trying to get a couple decent shots of the adorably adorned dogs, who, incidentally, need to work on their sit-stays --  

is ALL OF YOU, DEAR READERS!

You make it so totally worth it. Today and every day. :)

That's me with my head cut off and hair in my mouth. :)
It's possible that Jon Farleigh's pumpkin hat blew into the river. 

Happy Thanksgiving to all our American friends!

To everyone else, Happy Day!

xo

Elizabeth, Jon Farleigh and Dewi

^^^^^^^

Another Thanksgiving-inspired blog classic (full of adorable photos) is coming up, tomorrow!

Classic Cardigan on Giving Thanks: 5 Less Obvious Reasons Why I'm Thankful for My Dogs

Oh, hi, y'all! You caught me staring at Dug! I could stare at Dug all day, I mean, couldn't you?!

So, about 15 minutes ago, I accidentally discovered Dug .GIFs in a Google search. (OMG!) And, clearly, I couldn't just slam the virtual door in his sweet face, so I went ahead and brought it over here! heehee

It's not bothering you, is it? DUH, of course it isn't! Dug is a happy-pookie-muffin-smooshy-marshmallow-puffy-goober-dog! And, he doesn't bother anyone!

SQUIRREL!

OK, I'm back, and this is "Classic Cardigan on Giving Thanks" week! (Remember, from yesterday?) And that means, it's time for another classic Thanksgiving-inspired post from the archives!

This one's from last year, actually; maybe you'll remember it. ☺

Originally published on November 25, 2013...

5 Less Obvious Reasons Why I'm Thankful For My Dogs

Because it's almost Thanksgiving, I'd like to share five (less obvious) reasons why I'm thankful for Jon Farleigh and Dewi:

1. They never complain about my cooking. Ever. Even when I do this to the burgers:

The middles were still perfectly edible, you know.
The dogs ate them. Because my kids wouldn't.

2. They follow me everywhere, so I'm never lonely. 

Never...

...ever lonely.

3. They help keep the cats from running amok, and creating a state of anarchy. 

Jon Farleigh = Feline Anarchy Prevention Specialist (FAPS)

4. They are a collective 70 pounds of double-coated fur blanket, for when I'm cold. 

And if the heater broke and there were no more fires, I'd have enough of their soft, downy undercoat to make several sweaters.

If I knew how to spin yarn...and knit.
(Can you imagine? I could call them cardigan cardigans!)

5. They just plain make me laugh!

Even when they're laughing at me (or yawning, it's hard to tell most days)! ☺

What makes you thankful for your pet(s)?

^^^^^^^^

See you tomorrow, with the next Thanksgiving classic!

Classic Cardigan on Giving Thanks: 5 Essential Things My Dogs Are Probably Thankful For

It's hard for me to believe this blog will be four years old in a few short weeks. It seems like just yesterday, I was sitting here wondering how the tar I was gonna keep things fresh past the first spring thaw, and yet somehow (as in, I honestly don't know how), I'm sitting here getting ready to post a three-year-old Thanksgiving classic.

How did that happen? And, have we met? I hope not, because I have no idea what your name is! 

(So embarrassing.)

So, guess what? I PULLED YOUR LEG! Of course, I know who you are! Hi, there, dear reader! I'm so thankful that you read my goofy blog! ☺

And on that note, please enjoy my first-ever Thanksgiving-inspired blog post, originally published on November 22, 2011...

5 Essential Things My Dogs Are Probably Thankful For

I thought I'd list a few obvious things here since, well, you know Jon Farleigh and Dewi can't really speak their true feelings. Right?

Food

I'd rather be taking a nap, man.

Water

Lula: That's a PIG trough. Hehe.
JF: Shut up, Lula! Stupid thing is stupid! Ugh! 

A Warm Place to Sleep

Oh, wait! MY BAD. This one...

A dirt mattress would be better. Seriously.

Friends

Tigger: I hate you, you barbarian!
JF: If I had legs, I'd come up there and smack those stripes off!

Butterflies in Spring

See you in therapy, bro. 

Hope your pets are as thankful as mine! :)
*****

Psst! Another "thankful" classic is coming tomorrow!

I'd Love to Write French Ad Copy for Pet-Related Brands, but I Don't, so I Post Stories Like This on Facebook Instead

In my third year of high school French, we got a pairs assignment: perform a 10-minute skit of your choice, in front of the class, and completely in French. I knew exactly what I wanted to do, and just hoped that I'd be able to spin it well enough for my partner (a friend) to get on board.

A couple weeks, a stack of French-scripted index cards and several rehearsals later, my partner and I were positioned in front of the class - she standing, and I seated, or I should say - perched - on top of a stool, dressed in yellow, as French Morris the cat - the snarky* star of the (80s-era) 9Lives cat food commercials. 

The class hadn't seen it coming, and therefore, was defenseless. ☺

For me, writing and acting in that 10-minute cat food commercial spoof was (and remains) the highlight of my entire high school French career.

How had I not seen the writing on the wall?

Although I went on to take a couple more French classes in college, I never pursued the language, nor pet-industry advertising, as a career.

* The word "snark" didn't exist in the 80s.

This morning on the Today show, in a strange coincidence, there was lighthearted discussion around a British survey that asked respondents to say whether or not they are in the career that they dreamed about as a child. Unsurprisingly, only 6% said they are.

If they'd surveyed me, I'd have been in the 94% majority. I'm not a veterinarian. (Because who in her right mind - between 11-15 years old - aspires to be a French ad copy writer for pet-related brands?!) Besides, I'm pretty sure I wasn't meant to be a vet.

It can be argued, however, that I was meant to write about animals, ad-spoofing very much included. What's still not entirely clear, is whether there will ever be a "career" of it.

By the way, I was born optimistic.

So, what's the moral of this story? Well, it's this: When you find passion as a child - even if it involves talking animals and toilet humor - if you run from it, it will hunt you down and poke you like a stooge, right in both eyes. Only let it poke you once, my friends. Because a true stooge - by the second poke - has mastered the thumb-to-the-nose, sideways-hand, poke-deflecting maneuver.

In other words, don't be a stooge. ☺

And, for the record, I still get the urge to write in French sometimes. Only a little, though, because I'm way out of practice (and the last thing I need is to get shunned by grammarists in both English and French). I had one of those urges yesterday on my Facebook page (such a tolerant bunch, those Facebook peeps). If you recall, I mentioned something about Facebook in the title of this post. Surely, that means I intend to share what I wrote then, right?

Of course! Here it is. It's about Dewi and me. *runs and hides*

Post by The Chronicles of Cardigan.

Still here? Yay!☺

OK, how about a vintage 9Lives, Morris the cat commercial to redirect your thoughts?!


Gosh, I love 70s and 80s pet food commercials, and Morris. ♥

Here's a fun article from BuzzFeed that claims Morris was the original Grumpy Cat. Although, I don't know that I necessarily agree with that. Morris would never agree to be a meme. 

So, has anyone else circled back to a passion you left behind in childhood? Do tell!

Classic Cardigan Double Feature: Things That've Happened While My Pets Watched Me Pee

So, while I was peeing this morning, watching Bertie (cat) and Jon Farleigh tinkering around next to my shoes, and reminiscing about the time I discovered baby Bertie hiding in the TP storage basket, I snapped these photos. (OK, I didn't snap them while I was peeing, it was after the fact. I don't use cameras over an open bowl. That's just bad hygiene, not to mention I can't afford to buy a new iPhone.)

And then, I thought it might be fun to post the before and after shots, so you can see how much he's grown.

Bertie Before

Bertie After
(Totally giving Jon Farleigh the "I'll slap you" eye in this shot.)

He couldn't fit in that basket if he was a contortionist in the circus.

Not-so-babyish Bertie is 2.5 years old now (and so handsome)!

This is what Jon Farleigh looked like 2.5 years ago, as he watched me pee.

Note: In case you already forgot, I don't use cameras over an open bowl; therefore, that photo was staged, after the fact. I was sitting there pretending to be peeing.

There is no "After" photo of Jon Farleigh, either. He looks exactly the same today, even down to the recently blown undercoat (which is why he looks so skinny).

I wonder why our pets like to attend to our toileting matters so much? Perhaps because they just like our company? Want our undivided attention? Need to make sure we don't get sucked in? Or maybe, they just think it's what they're supposed to do, since we're always watching them pee and all?

Bertie on his throne. Clearly, he believes he's King of the World.  ☺
(Pardon the graininess; the photo was taken stealthily.)

Well, whatever it is, I guess it's OK. I think I'd become lonely if I had to start peeing by myself, after all this time.

There was that one time, even, when I was so touched by Jon Farleigh's lavatory devotion, that I wrote him a poem about it. I'll be happy to reshare it here, since you've probably forgotten the words by now.

Stick around after you get to the end, too, and I'll retell the story about how I heard purring from the commode, but I was the only living thing visible in the room. (Totally true.)

OK, enjoy! And happy toileting!

Originally published on March 21, 2012...

On Canine Devotion: Poetry from the Loo

My Dearest Jon Farleigh, 

It is you

Who dutifully accompanies me to the loo

Like a sentry stationed there,

Just beyond my underwear.

But for your quiet presence,

I'd surely not escape the dark menace

Who stalks me from the floor,

Staring through the bathroom door.

My trusted canine friend

Through thick and thin.

Gentle Corgi.

Affectionately, 

Me

***

Originally published on October 30, 2012...

((ring)) 'Hello?' 'Is your toilet purring?'

"Er...uh...I guess?"

"Then you better hurry up and CYA (cover your @ss)!"

Seriously?

(Note: The Chronicles of Cardigan does not endorse making prank calls. It's just wrong. ;)

~~~~~~~~

True Story...

While an unsuspecting human was "resting" on the toilet, thinking deep thoughts (like about all the Reese's cups she/he couldn't wait to lift from her/his kids' Halloween candy, for example), she/he suddenly became aware of a loud purring in the seemingly barren bathroom.

Barren Bathroom (human on toilet removed)

"WHAT THE FUDGE?!" wondered the human.

Then, after straining to bend over far enough (without becoming dethroned) to check the crack under the door (and briefly pondering lifting one butt cheek for a quick backward glance), she determined that the purring was coming from the toilet paper storage receptacle on the floor.

"HUH???"

And thus, Bertie's secret zen place was no longer a secret.

~ The End ~

Do any of you have a pet-related, human-toilet anecdote to share? Your pets DO watch you pee, right? ☺