Classic Cardigan Double Feature: Things That've Happened While My Pets Watched Me Pee

So, while I was peeing this morning, watching Bertie (cat) and Jon Farleigh tinkering around next to my shoes, and reminiscing about the time I discovered baby Bertie hiding in the TP storage basket, I snapped these photos. (OK, I didn't snap them while I was peeing, it was after the fact. I don't use cameras over an open bowl. That's just bad hygiene, not to mention I can't afford to buy a new iPhone.)

And then, I thought it might be fun to post the before and after shots, so you can see how much he's grown.

Bertie Before

Bertie After
(Totally giving Jon Farleigh the "I'll slap you" eye in this shot.)

He couldn't fit in that basket if he was a contortionist in the circus.

Not-so-babyish Bertie is 2.5 years old now (and so handsome)!

This is what Jon Farleigh looked like 2.5 years ago, as he watched me pee.

Note: In case you already forgot, I don't use cameras over an open bowl; therefore, that photo was staged, after the fact. I was sitting there pretending to be peeing.

There is no "After" photo of Jon Farleigh, either. He looks exactly the same today, even down to the recently blown undercoat (which is why he looks so skinny).

I wonder why our pets like to attend to our toileting matters so much? Perhaps because they just like our company? Want our undivided attention? Need to make sure we don't get sucked in? Or maybe, they just think it's what they're supposed to do, since we're always watching them pee and all?

Bertie on his throne. Clearly, he believes he's King of the World.  ☺
(Pardon the graininess; the photo was taken stealthily.)

Well, whatever it is, I guess it's OK. I think I'd become lonely if I had to start peeing by myself, after all this time.

There was that one time, even, when I was so touched by Jon Farleigh's lavatory devotion, that I wrote him a poem about it. I'll be happy to reshare it here, since you've probably forgotten the words by now.

Stick around after you get to the end, too, and I'll retell the story about how I heard purring from the commode, but I was the only living thing visible in the room. (Totally true.)

OK, enjoy! And happy toileting!

Originally published on March 21, 2012...

On Canine Devotion: Poetry from the Loo

My Dearest Jon Farleigh, 

It is you

Who dutifully accompanies me to the loo

Like a sentry stationed there,

Just beyond my underwear.

But for your quiet presence,

I'd surely not escape the dark menace

Who stalks me from the floor,

Staring through the bathroom door.

My trusted canine friend

Through thick and thin.

Gentle Corgi.

Affectionately, 

Me

***

Originally published on October 30, 2012...

((ring)) 'Hello?' 'Is your toilet purring?'

"Er...uh...I guess?"

"Then you better hurry up and CYA (cover your @ss)!"

Seriously?

(Note: The Chronicles of Cardigan does not endorse making prank calls. It's just wrong. ;)

~~~~~~~~

True Story...

While an unsuspecting human was "resting" on the toilet, thinking deep thoughts (like about all the Reese's cups she/he couldn't wait to lift from her/his kids' Halloween candy, for example), she/he suddenly became aware of a loud purring in the seemingly barren bathroom.

Barren Bathroom (human on toilet removed)

"WHAT THE FUDGE?!" wondered the human.

Then, after straining to bend over far enough (without becoming dethroned) to check the crack under the door (and briefly pondering lifting one butt cheek for a quick backward glance), she determined that the purring was coming from the toilet paper storage receptacle on the floor.

"HUH???"

And thus, Bertie's secret zen place was no longer a secret.

~ The End ~

Do any of you have a pet-related, human-toilet anecdote to share? Your pets DO watch you pee, right? ☺

That Picture Don't Make a Lick of Sense: Fashion Statement or Medieval Dog Weapon?

 OK, you guys (you all, y'all, yous, you 'uns)! Are you ready? OK, go!

WHAT IN THE WORLD is going on in these (yes, two, nearly identical, except for the dog) pictures?!

A. I don't understand the question; they look perfectly normal wearing those Hannibal Lecter-like face masks.
B. We were testing out a top-secret product in development called SCAT, CAT! It was designed to keep cats out of your dog's "personal space." (And, incidentally, it works. Unfortunately, though, the cats laughed so hard, they peed outside the box; therefore, we could only rate it 1.5 stars.)
C. I signed the dogs up for a new sport called "Canine Gladiators," and these are their face masks.
D. They're summer BBQ food catchers. If a hot dog (for example) is dropped on the flat part, the dog will only be able to stare at it and drool. In theory. Really, really STUPID theory.
E. They're cheap Statue of Liberty hats from Target; they were posing for patriotic holiday shoots; and I had no idea how to put them on correctly. You'd think for $1, they could print some directions on the price stickers!

Leave your best guess in comments or on the Facebook page! (Yes, I realize the answer is obvious this week, but I don't care. In fact, I don't care if you make up your own answer, as if none of my choices matter a hill of beans! I just like to read your answers, OK?!)

*****

As for last week's picture...

E. I was sad that Jon Farleigh and Dewi had stopped stealing the TP out of the bathroom, like they did as puppies, so I tried to rekindle their desire.

Yes, I did that. They had NO desire. They grew up. Waaaaaaah!

BUT, I did happen to get video of them stealing toilet paper from the bathroom, while they were still puppies. And I used it to make a video parody of Mission Impossible. Have you seen it? (You should!)



My precious boys.☺

That Picture Don't Make a Lick of Sense: A Roll of Toilet Paper

Y'all do know that all these photos have been previously published* on the blog, right? And that there really is a best/correct explanation for each of them? Because there is. OK? Don't forget!

So tell me, WHAT IN THE WORLD is going on in this picture?!

A. I was trying to teach Dewi a new trick: WIPE YOUR BUTT.
B. I was trying to teach Dewi a new trick: CLEAN UP YOUR OWN DIRTY MESSES.
C. I was teaching Dewi a new trick: LEAVE IT.
D. We were making a YouTube contest entry for a major toilet paper brand.
E. I was sad that Jon Farleigh and Dewi had stopped stealing the TP out of the bathroom, like they did as puppies, so I tried to rekindle their desire.
F. I was trying to funnel Dewi's poots through the TP roll, so I could collect the methane gas for my child's science experiment on alternative energy sources.

Leave your best guess in comments or on the Facebook page!

* Or, they're similar to a previously published photo and perfectly relevant to its corresponding blog post.

*****

As for last week's photo...

E. Both B. and C. 
B. Jon Farleigh ran into a running shower to escape 3.5 collective pounds of menacing (alien) foster kittens, who - as you can see here - are not going to be thwarted (as normal cats should be) by mere liquid hydrogen and oxygen.
C. This is a snapshot from when Jon Farleigh told a tall tale to a bunch of "puppies," recounting the time he was attacked by freakish kitten mutants who wanted to eat him off of a silver platter.

The original post title: Terrible Tales With Jon Farleigh: Purrassic Park*

Also, Jon Farleigh's tales might be taller than his legs.☺ Poor dude just could not process the fearlessness of those teeny foster kittens!

* Yes, I actually did manage to parody not just one Spielberg title (Jurassic Park), but TWO (Close Encounters of the Third Kind), using the same post. Perhaps I'll go ahead and add that to my life's list of major accomplishments. I hope that doesn't make you jealous. (insert winky eye)

((ring)) 'Hello?' 'Is your toilet purring?'

"Er...uh...I guess?"

"Then you better hurry up and CYA (cover your @ss)!"

Seriously?

(Note: The Chronicles of Cardigan does not endorse making prank calls. It's just wrong. ;)

~~~~~~~~

True Story...

While an unsuspecting human was "resting" on the toilet, thinking deep thoughts (like about all the Reese's cups she/he can't wait to lift from her/his kids' Halloween candy, for example), she/he suddenly becomes aware of a loud purring in the seemingly barren bathroom.

Barren Bathroom (human on toilet removed)

"WHAT THE FUDGE?!" wondered the human.

Then, after straining to bend over far enough (without becoming dethroned) to check the crack under the door (and briefly pondering lifting one butt cheek for a quick backward glance), it was determined that the purring was coming from the toilet paper storage receptacle on the floor.

"HUH???"

And thus, Bertie's secret zen place was no longer a secret.

~ The End ~

Editor's Note: I thought about doing a more solemn post today, considering the impacts being felt by Hurricane/Superstorm Sandy, but then I thought a cheap laugh (at my expense) might be more appreciated. ;-) Obviously (and thankfully), my family was spared the brunt of the storm, but for those who were not, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Outdated Cardigan: My Dogs Used to Steal Toilet Paper for Fun

When I first decided to re-run a video of the dogs going on an elaborate toilet paper heist a la Mission Impossible, I was going to put "classic" (vs. "outdated") in the title, but then "classic" - when referring to an article of clothing, like a cardigan, for example - implies something that will never go out of style. And well, frankly, for some time now, Jon Farleigh and Dewi wouldn't be caught dead acknowledging the existence of toilet paper, much less expending energy to steal it out of the bathroom.

Yep, to them, toilet paper is just so..."yesterday."

Dewi: Seriously? What am I supposed to do with this thing, man?

So. Completely. Humiliating.

[sigh]

How much you wanna bet she tags us in these on Facebook?

I'm using a sick day tomorrow.

Life is rough for these two, don't you think? ;)

***

Anyway, I suppose there won't be any video sequels in this franchise. Darn.

But because it's been ages since I first posted it, and the boys are just SO stinking adorable being bad (especially since they don't do this anymore), and the theme music in the video is so cool,
just for you:

Originally posted on June 15, 2011...

Mission Not-So-Impossible - Toilet Paper Heist  (M:nsi-TP)

Or, click here if you prefer to watch at YouTube.

P.S. I'm a weensy bit sad that they've grown out of this. Please pretend I didn't say that.

Mission Not-So-Impossible - Toilet Paper Heist (M:nsi-TP)

AKA: Why We Keep the Bathroom Door Shut at All Times
AKA: Bad (yet cunning) Corgis

Oh, just see for yourself.
Hint: Best viewed in Full Screen mode.



Or, click HERE if you prefer to watch at YouTube.