When Dewi Met Georgia (A Red-Hot Corgi Love Story)

Once upon a time in 2011, I wrote the original...

The following blog post is rated NC-17 (No Corgis over 17 admitted), due to highly ridiculous content. Reader discretion advised.

As reported by "Dwayne"

(Note: Identity changed to protect the innocent.)

For back story, look here or here.

Cast

Sam.......................................The Patriarch (and Birthday Boy)

Georgia........................Hot Sister/Precocious Daughter of Sam
Bogey............................Georgia's Overprotective Half-Brother

Jon Farleigh (JF)..................Georgia's Nonchalant Full Brother

Dewi........................Jon Farleigh's Flirtatious, Hot Roommate 

Ginny..................................Endearing Eldest Daughter of Sam
Nick...........................................Adorable Sam Great-Grandson
Rufus............................................Nick's Sweet Old Housemate

It began as a sea of red (and one blue) at the watering hole...

Jon Farleigh to Rufus (with tail): "You seen any beer around here?"

JF to Georgia (under chair): "Hey, wanna meet my roommate, Dewi?"
G: "Is he cute? Does he have a job?"

G to Dewi: "Hey, I'm Georgia, but you can call me Princess. Wanna come under here with me in the shade?"
D: "Do you like bacon?"

D: "Your coat reminds me of sweet potato jerky and a stuffed Kong. Will you be my girl?"
G: "That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me. Wanna play tag?"

G to D: "You got me; now I'm it! Hey, whatcha doing up there?!"

💘💋🐾🍬💄💍🎧🎵💫

**We now interrupt this blog post for "Cheesy Eighties Love Songs" as selected by "Dwayne."**

📻Dewi's Song: Don't Disturb this Groove (1987) - The System

🚑Georgia's Song: I Get Weak (1987) - Belinda Carlisle

**And now for the exciting conclusion of this blog post.**

💘💋🐾🍬💄💍🎧🎵💫

Bogey to JF: "Dude, Dad's ticked. You better do something about that blue boy or there's gonna be trouble."
JF: "I think we're gonna have to lock her in the wire tower, man."

Nick: "Check out the moves on Dewi..."

Sam to Ginny: "I smell trouble in a merle coat. Have you seen Georgia?"
G: "Bogey's on top of it, Dad."

G to B: "Is that coconut cake up there?"
B: "Yeah, and bread, too."

 G to D: "Would you be a dear and fetch me a snack?"

G (again): "Hey?! Are you listening? I'd really like a snack, please!"
D (silently, to himself): Man, those are some loud mosquitoes. Mmmm, caaaake.

JF: "Good day, eh?"
D: "Yeah. You gonna eat all that?"

~The End~

The dogs in this post are real; however, the story is fictional. Any resemblance to your Cardigan Welsh Corgi or real-life events is purely coincidental.

*****

Do your pets like parties? Do you like bacon? 😉

Epic, Classic Cardigan: Did you know I wrote a pet-parody of Bohemian Rhapsody AND Wayne's World? Here it is.

I will never forget that sunny Saturday afternoon - sitting at my kitchen table - when I finished writing these lyrics. They had been days and countless re-writes in the making, and before that, the cause of MONTHS of angst-producing thought-percolation in my head.

When the last word was on paper (I wrote the whole thing long-hand), I just remember dropping my pen, running to find my husband and reading him the whole silly song. While at the same time, trying - in my quiet voice - to keep the lyrics' emotion and emphasis true to Mercury's original (wasn't even close, but that's OK).

My husband (who, frankly, had hardly ever read my pet humor, much less heard me read it aloud) just looked at me and smiled. I felt like a rockstar.

The piece was (and still is), creatively, the hardest thing I have ever produced for this virtual space, maybe ever. It's my epic rock ballad of dog-blog parodies.

And now, two years later, I give it to you afresh (and slightly revised). It still makes me feel like a rockstar. And I sure hope it makes you smile! ☺

<><><>

Dwayne's World Presents: Bohemian Dog Rhapsody (a song parody)

In case you aren't aware (and most of you won't be), I used to employ Dwayne (pictured above) on the blog as a roving tabloid reporter (of sorts). Here's his job experience. He was pretty good, if you ask me. But a while back - rumor has it - he went on a reporting sabbatical in the Chihuahuan Desert, and after that, well, word was he hooked up with some frizzy red-headed guy named Darth. And the two of them? Well, they got into this retro, public-access TV thing (as in: they had their own show called Dwayne's World - consisting mostly of a bunch of mindless blather and music videos). 

Yeah, I wasn't buying any of that malarkey, either (who does public-access TV anymore?). But then - out of the clear blue sky - I heard from Dwayne himself. And he told me it was all true. Then he sent me something for all of you (sort of a belated adios-and-have-a-nice-life e-card). I think you'll like it. 

Such a talent, that Dwayne. Gosh, I miss him!

<><><>

 Dwayne's World presents...

You'll laugh. You might cry. But, please, don't hurl; it's unbecoming.

Bohemian Dog Rhapsody

by Knave
(Queen canine cover band)

Tip: Click the PLAY button on the player below for the instrumental/karaoke track, so you can sing along! DO IT! ☺

♪♫♪♫ Is this my life?
It seems such a tragedy. 
Caught in a warped mind.
No escape from this parody.
Open your eyes.
It's just make believe, you see?
I'm just a red boy, from a red family.

And I am easy come, easy go

Never high, always low

Any way the wind blows, it's just passing gas to me.

♪♫♪♫♪

Mama, just licked a (small) man.

Put my tongue upon his head

Dragged it hither, now he's wet.

Mama, I had just begun

But he squealed, and then he shoved my head away.

Mama, ooooh

Didn't mean to get his eye

But it'll dry, and if not, I'll need to borrow...

The ShamWow, the ShamWow

As if slobber really matters.

♪♫♪♫♪

I see a boy who stacks legos with his hands.

Wants a pooch; wants a pooch

Have you tried the Petango?

Thunderbolt and lightning, pups might find it frightening

Try these (thundershirts - not an endorsement).

Galileo! Galileo! Galileo!

Galileo

Disney

Pinocchio!

♪♫♪♫♪

But I'm just a red boy and everybody loves me.

He's just a red boy, from a red family.

Spare him his pride from this blog malady.

Easy come, easy go - will you let him go?

Pepto Bismol! No - she will not let him go - let him go!

Pepto Bismol! She will not let him go - let him go!

(blah blah blah)

Never let me go - let me go!

Never let me go - oooh

No, no, no, no, no, no, no

Oh, mama mia, mama mia, mama mia, let me go.

  

The peeps at PetHub.com have a web page set aside for me.

For me.

For meeeeee!

(Hint: click image to crank up the volume!)

So you think you can make me a frat boy who smells pie?

Wrap bacon round my neck then leave me high and dry?

I Smelta Pie

Oh, baby, you must me bat-$#*t crazy!

I just gotta get out, just gotta get up outta here!

♪♫♪♫♪

Ooh yeah, ooh yeah

As if slobber really matters

Really, can't you see?

Slobber doesn't matter to me.

♪♫♪♫ Any way the wind blows...

The End

<><><><><>

Bonus music video!
The Muppets - Bohemian Rhapsody (full version)

Pure genius, it is (the video, and Jim Henson)!

♥♥♥

P.S. Dwayne's World isn't really real; neither is Wayne's World. 

 ^^^

If you could turn a song into a parody about your pet, which song would you choose? 

That Picture Don't Make a Lick of Sense: Interspecies Encounters of the Third Kind

In case you're wondering, here are the first two kinds of interspecies encounters*:

1. Dogs and cats become aware of each other's existence (through the kitchen window or by watching My Cat From Hell on Animal Planet, for example).
2. Dogs and cats become aware that they are currently living with a member of the other species, though they have not laid eyes on one another. For example, they can smell and/or hear weird "alien" animal smells/noises coming from another room.

Here is an example of the THIRD kind of interspecies encounter.

Now tell me, WHAT IN THE WORLD is going on in that picture up there?!

A. The foster kitten challenged Jon Farleigh to a duel during lunch, in the shower, and Jon Farleigh was too ashamed to decline.
B. Jon Farleigh ran into a running shower to escape 3.5 collective pounds of menacing (alien) foster kittens, who - as you can see here - are not going to be thwarted (as normal cats should be) by mere liquid hydrogen and oxygen.
C. This is a snapshot from when Jon Farleigh told a tall tale to a bunch of "puppies," recounting the time he was attacked by freakish kitten mutants who wanted to eat him off of a silver platter.
D. Jon Farleigh followed the foster kittens into the shower, mistaking them for furry candy dispensers.
E. Both B and C.

Leave your guess in comments or on the Facebook page!

* Because in deciding to go with the Close Encounters pun/parody post title, I needed to school myself on the reasons behind Steven Spielberg's choice of movie title. Otherwise, the pun might have been inappropriate (it isn't), and therefore, the bane to Spielberg movie buffs' existence. Please note, you might have just wasted 23 seconds of your life reading this, if you've never seen the movie in the first place.

Also, it's impossible to "unhear" this film score.


*****

As for last week's installment...

And the previous frame, for reference...

B. "Jonathan Farleigh! I told you three years ago that I'm not interested in your roomie that way! So, call him off, bro. Call that sniffy-feely blue boy OFF!"

Impressive memories of those classic posts guesses, y'all! ☺

P.S. There's a long "history" between Dewi and Georgia (if you're new to the blog, or suffer from long-term memory loss). It all started here, and officially ended here. LOTS of corgis (and silliness) in those two posts!

That Picture Don't Make a Lick of Sense: Sibling Rivalry

Are you ready? Because I'd love for you to tell me WHAT IN THE WORLD is going on in this picture!

OK, wait a second. No, don't tell me what's going on in that picture; it's as plain as an unsalted saltine cracker. Jon Farleigh's sister Georgia (whom we all got to see at last weekend's Cardi party*) is obviously telling him something important. So, I guess the better question for this week's installment should be: WHAT IN THE WORLD is Georgia saying to Jon Farleigh?

Here, maybe if I show you the picture frames right before and after, it'll help get your thoughts moving.

BEFORE

DURING

AND AFTER

So, what do you think she said (hint: there is one best answer, based on a "classic Cardigan" post).

A. You disem-squeaked hedgie, Jonny?!! Cuz Dewi said you disem-squeaked him! Hedgie? Really, Jon? How could you?!
B. Jonathan Farleigh! I told you three years ago that I'm not interested in your roomie that way! So, call him off, bro. Call that sniffy-feely blue boy OFF! 
C. I said NO, Jon Farleigh! (JF: Well, I said yes.) When I say no, I mean NO! (JF: But I said yes.) Well, I will tell your mama and you will GO HOME!
D. It's not FUNNY, Jon Farleigh! Stop saying it! Just. Stop. Saying it. Chex Mix is not cereal and there is no such thing as a McWHOPPER! Sheesh!

Leave your best guess in comments or on the Facebook page!

*****

And, as for the picture of the boys in front of the fire...

C. They're posing for a holiday card, but the temperature outside was in the upper 60s.

That shot was an outtake. Here's the final product (and my very first ever post to this blog on 12/29/10).

Now, if that wasn't a sign of things to come, I don't know what is. ☺

* I still have more Cardi party pics to share. Slowly but surely, remember?

Tacky Cardigan With Words on It: Dog Networking Illustrated

So, this weekend, I went to Jon Farleigh's sister and half-brother (by a different mother)'s house for a Cardigan Welsh Corgi (plus one Pembroke) get-together (slash) reunion (slash) cookout (slash) dog networking event. There were 24 +/- corgis there (over 50% puppies) and it was so much fun!

I took a bunch of pictures, which I've already started sharing on Instagram (the ones I got with my iPhone, anyway), and slowly* but surely, I'll share the good ones I got with my real camera. But for today, I'd like to share with you a diagram I created with one of the less-than-good ones. You might consider sharing it with your dog(s), since it's really for their information, and not yours.

Here it is.

What kind of networker is YOUR dog? 

FYI: Dewi is the CONFIDENT one up there (with his head completely up Isabelle's behind). I have no idea where Jon Farleigh was when I took the picture, but I'll venture that he's a boy cougar (or would that be a manther?).

* By "slowly," I mean as soon as I stop getting distracted by making diagrams and other similar endeavors.

If you'd like me to consider your pet(s) photo for a tacky cardigan, just post it to the Facebook page!

Classic Cardigan: When Dewi Made Like Charlie Brown and Crushed on the Little Redheaded Girl (Tabloid Edition)

I'm not too tired to post something original today. It's just that the original I wrote today has to wait until another day (soon). But that's okay, because this humdinger gem of a story is due to come out of hibernation. Especially since the "season of love" is just around the corner. ;-)

Originally published on June 10, 2011, please enjoy the classic (with cheesy, 80s musical interlude)...

When Dewi Met Georgia (A Red Hot Cardigan Love Story)

Quote for the day: If your camera hands you trash for pictures, call "Dwayne."

The following blog post is rated NC-17 (No Corgis over 17 admitted), due to highly ridiculous content. Reader discretion advised.

As reported by "Dwayne"

(Identity changed to protect the doofus.)

For back story, look here or here.

Cast

Sam.......................................The Patriarch (and Birthday Boy)

Georgia........................Hot Sister/Precocious Daughter of Sam
Bogey............................Georgia's Overprotective Half-Brother

Jon Farleigh (JF)..................Georgia's Nonchalant Full Brother

Dewi........................Jon Farleigh's Flirtatious, Hot Roommate 

Ginny..................................Endearing Eldest Daughter of Sam
Nick...........................................Adorable Sam Great-Grandson
Rufus............................................Nick's Sweet Old Housemate
At the party, but not on camera...
Moira..................................Super Athletic Sam Granddaughter
Bee..................................Georgia's and JF's Bashful Full Sister


It began as a sea of red (and one blue) at the watering hole...

Jon Farleigh to Rufus (with tail): "You seen any beer around here?"

JF to Georgia (under chair): "Hey, wanna meet my roommate, Dewi?"
Georgia: "Is he cute? Does he have a job?"

Georgia to Dewi: "Hey, I'm Georgia, but you can call me Princess. Wanna come under here with me in the shade?"
Dewi: "Do you like bacon?"

Dewi to Georgia: "Your coat reminds me of sweet potato jerky and a stuffed Kong. Will you be my girl?"
Georgia: "That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me. Wanna play tag?"

Georgia to Dewi: "You got me; now I'm 'it!'
Hey! Whatcha doing up there?!"

*We interrupt this blog post for "Cheesy Eighties Love Songs" as selected by "Dwayne."*

(Hint: Right click link and open in a new window to play in background.)

Dewi's Song: Don't Disturb this Groove (1987) - The System

Georgia's Song: I Get Weak (1987) - Belinda Carlisle

*And now for the exciting conclusion of this blog post.*

Bogey to JF: "Dude, Dad's ticked. You better do something about that blue boy or there's gonna be trouble.
JF: "I think we're gonna have to lock her in the wire tower, man."

Nick: Check out the moves on Dewi...

Sam to Ginny: "I smell trouble in a merle coat. Have you seen Georgia?"
Ginny: "Bogey's on top of it, Dad."

Georgia to Bogey: "Is that coconut cake up there?"
Bogey: "Yeah, and bread, too."

 Georgia to Dewi: "Would you be a dear and fetch me a snack?"

Georgia to Dewi (again): "Hey?! Are you listening? I'd really like a snack, please!"
Dewi to himself: Man, those are some loud mosquitoes. Mmmm, caaaake.

JF to Dewi: "Good day, eh?"
Dewi: "Yeah. You gonna eat all that?"

~The End~

The dogs in this post are real; however, the story is fictional. Any resemblance to your Cardigan Welsh Corgi or real-life events is purely coincidental.

*****
In memory of Sam, a very good red dog, and Rufus.