How I Found the Hidden Good in My Dog's Ill-Timed Upset Stomach

Notes:

• This is the third time I've published this post since 2012. 
• In 2012, I was five years younger, but no wiser.
• When I published the post in 2015, I titled it, 
  "How to Make 'Lemons' When Your Dog's Poop Looks Like Lemonade."
• I do not buy the whole "life gives you lemons" metaphor. I mean, who said lemons are bad? No one--the metaphor writer was wrong. Lemons are good. Lemonade, in contrast, is fattening and can make one's teeth rot (if not consumed in moderation).
• My life has changed somewhat in five years; however, the "bad" things are still in plentiful supply. 
• The corgi's lives have changed, too. They haven't been crated at night in years. They mostly sleep on me. 
• I promise not to mention the word "lemonade," in the same sentence with the words "dog" or "poop," for the rest of this post.  

Title of original post from March 23, 2012...

Exploding Dog Butts and Ill-Fitting Clothes - An Experiment in Looking on the Bright Side

My day could conceivably have gone two ways today: crappy or awesome.

Crappy attitude?

Okay, well, if I'm speaking in literal terms, so far, there's been lots of crap. But I'm not speaking in literal terms...just yet.

So because it's Friday, and I LOVE Fridays, I thought it would be fun to list all the crappy things that have happened in my house so far today and then for each crappy thing, come up with a way for me to look on the bright side. 

So, for example, if my bedroom smoke detector had started chirping at 2 a.m., forcing a middle-of-the-night battery replacement and minor sleep disturbance, I would argue that on the bright side, my family would not have burned up in a potential 3 a.m. house fire. 

Pretty simple, yes?

OK, here we go...

Crappy Thing (CT): Jon Farleigh broke out of his crate at 2:50 a.m. because he had to go RIGHT THEN.

On the Bright Side (OtBS): He didn't go in his crate.

CT: I didn't get back to sleep until approx. 4:15 a.m.

OtBS: While I was up, I watched a graphic WWII documentary (on the Smithsonian Channel). In comparison to that, my problems seemed petty.

CT: JF's crate had a pile of poop in it when he came out of it this morning.

OtBS: It was still in one neat pile and only touching the hard plastic crate floor (easy clean-up!).

CT: After coming in from being walked (by Middle Child - who told me--inaccurately, it turns out--JF had NOT done #2 outside), I discovered JF's back end to be a giant mess, so (while 2 of my kids were trying not to miss the school bus) I had to give him a bath (with kiwi-scented shampoo).

OtBS: He didn't have a chance to put his poopy butt all over the carpet or upholstery. And, the kids still made their buses, proving I can do several things at one time, when pressed.

Positive outlook?

CT: About 15 minutes after his bath, JF (with a twinkle in his eye) sneaked out of the kitchen, pooped in the family room and tracked it back into the kitchen. And I had to give him a second bath.

OtBS: His butt hadn't been that clean and sweet-smelling since the day he was born and his mother licked him clean. Also, I got to do a load of towels.

(Note: JF is OK; he just ate something disagreeable, probably deer poop.) 

Look how curly his fur gets after a bath!

CT: JF didn't get his breakfast, except for a teaspoonful each of mashed pumpkin and plain Greek yogurt.

OtBS: BOTH dogs got to eat yummy pumpkin and yogurt. (Note: JF didn't poop again for 3 hours after eating, and did not require a third bath.)

CT: My summer wardrobe shrank a half-size over the winter.

OtBS: I get to go shopping? (OK, not.) Tight clothes make me not want to eat? (Not really--they make it harder to breathe.) I get to spend more time outside (and not sitting) with the dogs (and/or family)? Yes! 

In summary: My day was awesome because:

• I'm not a statistic in a war documentary.
• Jon Farleigh's crate and butt are squeaky clean.
• My dogs got to eat something yummy and wholesome.
• I can multitask.
• I have clean towels.
• I have an excuse to go outside and play. 

Hope you are having an awesome day, too! 😊

UPDATE 8:34 p.m.: Because I was scrambling to get this post finished and not paying enough attention to my family's dinner, sizzling on the outdoor grill, I have another CT to add to the list:

CT: My hamburgers got burned to briquettes in a grease fire. Oh yes, friends, they did.

No lighter fluid required.

OtBS: I saw a Bald Eagle while driving back from the grocery store (because I had to go out and buy more beef). I had time to prune some plants in the garden while I was outside (not writing this post) supervising the grill. And it turns out, there was enough good cooked meat inside those black rocks to scrape out and add to Jon Farleigh's bland dinner (and breakfast tomorrow). Furthermore, if he could talk (thank heaven he can't, but if he could) he'd probably tell me he wishes he had more upset stomachs, because the recovery menu tastes SO good! 

Suddenly, I really want chocolate ice cream...

How's your day going? 

Classic Cardigan: Foster Kittens Terrify Jon Farleigh; Force Him Into Running Shower

At the risk of revealing a photo source, and contradicting a recent theory on dogs and baths (because I'm preoccupied with Halloween-related tacky cardigan stuff today), I'm "treating" you to a classic (aka previously published) post.

The following is a true story.

Originally published on May 31, 2012...

Terrible Tales with Jon Farleigh: Purrassic Park

(As told around a campfire to a bunch of eager "Pup" Scouts with short attention spans.)

Listen up; this is scary stuff.

My best friend Dewi and I could hardly contain our excitement, imagining the thrills we were gonna have chasing the three "clone" kitties that our Mom person had brought home for us the day before. 

We hadn't seen them go into the room-where-it-rains that first day, but we could hear their faint mewing and smell their "not-quite-cat" (because they were created special, just for our amusement) scent from underneath the door. We just knew something wonderful awaited us because of all the time Mom and all our other peeps were spending in there getting things ready. 

On the afternoon that she invited us to follow her through our sleeping room to the door separating us from our adventure, we were so excited that we forgot our manners and shoved past Mom's legs, through the cracked doorway and into A TERRIBLE NIGHTMARE!

They're gonna rush me in 30 seconds.

At first the creatures seemed harmless enough (they were tiny), but then, before I could even decide which one's butt to sniff first, they rushed me!

All three of the tiny carnivorous monsters came at me with such conviction that I began to fear for my safety (no cat in its right mind rushes a strange dog; they had to be mutants out to make a meal out of me)! So I let out a half-chortle, half-cry and scampered away from the beasts as fast as I could!

(It was sadly too late for my friend Dewi, as the menacing fur balls had already transformed him into a minion through mutant feline mind control.)

Dewi: Whatever you ask, I do.

But wherever I went, they came after me (that is, when they weren't lapping up what must have been minced dog meat from a silver platter)! 

nomnomnomnomnom

Alas, there was no where left for me to turn...except the place where it sometimes rains on my people. 

Oh, please no.

I'm doomed.

So, I went in because it wasn't raining, then, BUT THEY FOLLOWED ME! And just when I thought my life was over...

MOM SHOWED UP!

And, wouldn't you know, all those horrible fake cats wheeled around and went straight after her? That's when I slipped out and hid in the room with the big white bowl...and waited.

Then, next thing I knew it was raining, and the noise caused those little terrorists to run back over in my direction. But just inches before I was a goner, I ran straight into the torrential rain and did not budge. I was soaking wet, but safe (because like real cats, the mutants didn't like getting water on their fur). Whew!

If I get in there, my fur will melt.

In the end, Mom made the rain stop and wrapped me up in a towel. 

I was relieved when she said my adventure was over. Dewi was too (once he snapped out of his trance).

I think I'd like to take a break from adventures and eat more snacks.

The End

Sweet dreams, everyone! ;)

Tacky Cardigan With Words on It: Mixed Messages

Incidentally (or perhaps, ironically), it came to me in the shower...

And to think that all this time, I'd been wondering why he hates them so much. ;) 

If you'd like me to consider your pet(s) photo for a Tacky Cardigan, just post it to the Facebook page!

Tacky Cardigan With Words on It: Salon Conversation

Love those salon convos, don't you??

Oh, dear. 

Who wants a brownie? ☺

To have your pet(s) photo considered for a Tacky Cardigan, post it to the Facebook page!

Soapy Corgis, Dog Packs Online and OMG, Facebook Ads Work!

Note: If you came here for the Facebook stuff, and don't like looking at adorable, soaped up Corgis getting baths, then you can just...um...well...

...click here to skip over the dog stuff. I'm very sorry, though, that you missed out on all the happiness in between. :*(

So, a few two of you might recognize some (or all, if you've been following since the olden days, when I was wearing a size smaller) of these photos. None of them are new; it's just that I'm about to talk about spending money on Facebook. And for some reason, that made me think of going to the cleaners and/or taking a bath, so naturally, I wanted to post photos of the dogs taking a bath. Except, I didn't feel like staging baths just for the photos, plus I'm tired, and my creativity is bobbing for air in a toilet bowl somewhere, sOOOOooooo, I'm posting these re-run pics instead. 

But, I promise, they're still as cute as ever!

I call it: Forlorn.

Oh where, oh where have Jon Farleigh's ears gone...?

Yes, they're both Dewi. No, as a mater of fact, I can't stand the cuteness. :-)

And, speaking of cute, have you heard of Pack (packlove.com)?

It's a startup (still private, invitation-only beta) social platform for dogs and their people, divided up into breed (plus blends and Heinz 57 variety) packs. Within each "pack," there is a (gorgeous) profile page for every dog (photo provided by dog owner, obviously). Here is Jon Farleigh's (in 2 parts - it's big):

Killer of Ladies, indeed!

So anyway, if you haven't yet, and you like being social with your dog (online at least), you should go over and take a look. Remember, though, that the site is still a cyber "baby," with lots of fun functionality still in development. What's not in development, though, (because I've been subscribed for over a month) is a weekly e-newsletter for your dog(s)' particular breed/mix. And, it just so happens that I'm the author/curator for the Cardigan Welsh Corgi newsletter, and you can sign up for it RIGHT HERE, if you want! ;-) You don't have to be a member of Pack to subscribe (not yet, anyway).

Having fun yet? I hope so, because this is the part where I talk about:

(And, if you don't give a flying flip about them, then this might be a smidge boring.)

#1: For as little as $1 (max) spent per day (for however many days you specify), you can run a Facebook ad for your blog/business fan page.

If you have a fan page already, I know you've seen the Boost Post button under all your status updates, and I'm sure you've received at least one pop-up from Facebook, prompting you to create an ad to promote your page. And perhaps, if you've clicked either a Boost Post button or pop-up ad, you've seen the pre-filled $10/day budget in the ad generator (which might have prompted you to roll your eyes and/or mutter expletives for wasting your precious time). I mean, who the heck has $10/day to blow on a Facebook ad for a blog?! I certainly don't.

The thing is, if you really do want to boost a post (say, for example, you just began a contest, or an awareness campaign), for a budget as small as $1/day (hint: you can change the $10 in the ad generator to $1*), you can exponentially increase your post engagement. (As an "experiment," for $5 total, I did it for my Frosty Paws giveaway and increased my post engagement from an avg. 200, to nearly 9,000. It works.)

Or, if you've got a goal to increase your page likes (perhaps you've been simmering around the same number for a while), for the same low daily budget of $1**, you will get them (and I'm not talking about random strangers; these are bona fide fans - most likely in the same demographic as your existing fans - who wouldn't have clicked "Like" if they didn't want to follow your page). (I've been running a $1/day-budgeted ad for one week, which has generated 57 new page fans, many of whom are fellow Cardigan Corgi people. For perspective, my Facebook page has been around since March 2011, with pre-ad, avg. new likes at 10/month. So, in a week, I've seen over a 500% increase! The ad is working.)

Please know that I understand there are other ways to attract Facebook fans, that don't involve paying Facebook. Clearly, I could probably stand to research that a bit more. But, that's not the point of this post. I simply want to share (my anecdotal evidence) that IF you choose to run a Facebook ad, and you have an existing loyal Facebook base, you will most likely see significant, swift results. Additionally, the Facebook Ads Manager makes it easy to edit, pause, delete and track most every detail of your existing ad(s). (In other words, the "delete" button isn't buried three-layers-deep in some obscure place on Facebook Help.)

So, has this been helpful? Has anyone else tried Facebook ads? 

As always (because this information has been fairly high-level), I'm happy to answer any questions!


* The minimum daily budget cannot be less than $1. I tried.
** The amount you spend per ad, per day will never be more than your budget. Facebook charges are calculated based on CPM (cost per impression), meaning that you are charged each time someone clicks your ad. Therefore, it is possible that if your ad generates few clicks, you'll spend less than your daily budget. Conversely, if your ad-clicks quickly reach your daily allotment (per budget), Facebook will pull your ad for the remainder of the day (so your budget is not exceeded).

Disclosure: I was not compensated for this post. Facebook's britches are much too big for the likes of little ole me.

P.S. Have an awesome day! Thanks for reading! And "liking"! I heart y'all!

Classic Cardigan: A Virtual 'Motherly' Day Card from the Dogs (and a Note to the Mystery Human Who Let Them Use Her Credit Card Online)

Yes, you read that right: A human (who remains a mystery, as of this writing) recently succumbed to my pets' (yes, all seven) wily ways and allowed them to use her credit card to order this:

No, not Maddox (the cat), the whimsical little doggy-shaped planter with the lovely yellow-flowering plant inside. The UPS man left it on my porch yesterday. It bore this card:

To that brave and generous person (who is not my husband, by the way; he would never let the animals use his plastic online): Thank you!
You (I mean, all my pets) totally made my day! And it's so CUTE! 

Jon Farleigh and Dewi have such great taste, do they not?!

I think it's time you got us our own credit cards.

I'd like mine peanut butter flavored, please!

And with those words of dog-wisdom, I'd like nothing more than to share (with all of you) a post I wrote for "motherly" day last year. I hope you enjoy it doubly this time!

Originally published on May 11, 2012...

A Virtual Motherly Day Card from Jon Farleigh and Dewi

Please note that "Motherly" Day includes anyone who has ever behaved in a motherly fashion toward another living being. In other words, YOU.

To: All our readers and peeps

From: Jon Farleigh and Dewi

We would like to give you all of these things:

Dog Flowers

Colorful Springtime Garden Creatures

A Trip to Walt Disney World (without kids)

A Nice Bath (garden hose optional)

Something Sweet to Eat (hope you like gingerbread)

And a Big Sloppy Kiss

Have a happy day, friends!

5 Places (besides the obvious, work, etc.) Where You Should NEVER LOL at a Blog

Note: And by LOL, I don't mean that "pretend" stuff we sometimes do in blog comments, just to have something nice to say. I mean real, laughing out loud - from one's gut, which may or may not include simultaneous, embarrassing bodily function(s), i.e. soiling one's pants. 

So by show of hands, how many of you have ever laughed out loud at someone's blog (or website) in an inappropriate place? (My hand is up, BTW; I laugh out loud inappropriately in lots of places.) I'm picturing a few hands waving in the air - some higher than others, no doubt. Well anyway, I thought it might be helpful - since I, for one, have never seen an article like this on any of the many blogging etiquette sites I've visited - to list a few of the places (other than the obvious: work, church services, the library) where, as a blog reader, one should never, ever laugh out loud.

I hope you find this helpful.

1. As a (live, in-person) spectator of the final round (or even worse, sudden-death playoff) at the Masters (golf) Tournament. 

(Now, I know some of you might be thinking that I have overestimated the number of golf fans who bother to read this blog; well, to those of you I say this: Do not tell me that if Ree Drummond - of the [rhymes with] Whyoneer Plummon blog - [hypothetically] gifted you an all-expenses-paid trip for you and a friend to The Masters [because it happened to coincide with one of her book-signings], that you [even if you hate golf] wouldn't be all over that trip like pollen on a car hood! :-) So, what I'm saying is that since more than a few of you - as I do - probably enter Ree's giveaways, and probably don't have intimate experience with spectating etiquette at The Masters, that I'm hopefully saving you a LOAD of potential embarrassment! I mean, is that really how you want to get late-night TV exposure? Getting arrested at an internationally televised sporting event?!)

Blowing bubbles under the water makes bath time fun!

 2. During a boring political science (for example) lecture, in which your professor - with a demented fondness for the Socratic method of teaching...in a giant lecture hall...where shy students suffer from bouts of nausea in anticipation of being called out in front of total strangers - might hear you LOL-ing, and make you read the entire doo doo-laced blog post out loud to the class! Who's laughing then?

(Talk about soiling a perfectly clean pair of pants.)

3. Observing (within earshot of the surgical team) a delicate Operation, in which the surgeon is trying to remove her patient's "wish bone" from the left side of his chest (a most awkward maneuver) using nothing but a pair of electrified tweezers, which, at the slightest slip of her hand, will set off the most annoying buzzer you have ever heard in your life! (Note: This scenario applies to many Operations, including, but not limited to, funny bone replacement and writer's cramp removal.)

4. As a VIP guest or government official (on or near the platform...and a "hot" mic) during a U.S. President's inaugural address (particularly when one has one's sights set on 2016, 20, etc.). (One would think this particular tip, above all, should go without saying. One would think.)

(What? You think politicians don't read [and consequently glean valuable tips - like this one - from] nonsensical dog blogs?)

All business here, folks. My bubble maker's set to torpedo mode.

5. Seated (on the toilet) in a stall in a (multi-stalled) public restroom (and I can't adequately express this next part enough), ESPECIALLY...ESPECIALLY when a person (who has unusually shy bowels, and who would rather suffer from constipation in private than be [audibly and/or olfactorily] detected making poo poo in a public toilet) is seated in the stall next to you!

Or even worse! If that person has innocently entered the stall to take care of #1 on her agenda ONLY, however, to her horror, erroneously emits a blast of hot methane - its sound closely mimicking a rectal trumpet, announcing her impending urination. [Insert me saying, "OMG, I feel SO bad for that woman!"]

Which then, naturally, the horrified person - in a panic-stricken haste - would inevitably wind up running out of the restroom into the busy Target store (for example) with her dress tucked into the back of her (totally hip) textured tights!

(Do you want to be the reason why a sensitive Target shopper has to begin seeing a therapist?!  I didn't think so!)

And there you go, friends. Just me trying to give something back to my awesome readers. ;-)

Oh, and remember, my blog is Pin(terest)-friendly, so feel free to tack this post up on your "blogging tips" board - just in case.

*****

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This post has been brought to you by Maddox, who rarely cracks a smile, much less laughs out loud in public.

*****

And one more thing...for my exceptionally kind friend-who-also-has-a-dog-blog, Kim T.: This is what happens when you admit (in comments) to LOL-ing at my blog in inappropriate places. I hope it was worth it! ((hugs!))

I Took 429 Pics of the Corgis and Cats, but All You Get Are These 11

Kind of made sharing all these pics seem like I was doing you a favor, huh? ;) (Just kidding. I'm a smart@ss, as you should know.)

Not kidding about this being an 11-photo blog post, though. Hope you like them; I spent hours in the photo editor!

Bertie and Maddy (Maddox)

Dewi pouts :)

Maddy's Mittens

Squee! (Bertie)

Maddy, my shelter cat turned supermodel

Jon Farleigh fanning his tail in a spilled sunbeam (he is profusely fluffy here because he had just had a bath)

P.S. His twice-yearly heavy "pruning" is next month. :)

Maddy and his Mini-me

Not sure you can "appreciate" how big he is, but Maddox is spanning half my harvest (kitchen) table here. Also, his tail is disproportionately small. :)

And lastly, proof that I am not a photographer...

Why? Because I have NO IDEA how I did this, 

but I LOVE it! (The photo and my sweet Eva. :)

That's all (for now), folks!