Of Gourds and Cocoa-Flavored Confections: How Feeding Your Dog Pure Pumpkin Is Good for His 'Chocolate Pie'

Caution: Do NOT feed your pet chocolate. It is toxic. Chocolate dog pies* are NOT actually chocolate. In fact, similar to cow pies, they're not even edible (bugs don't count)! 

I heard on the news recently that consumers should prepare for sticker shock at the grocery store, as due to short supply, the price of pumpkin - both in gourd form and in the can - is about to go up. In fact, they made it sound like there might not even be enough of the canned stuff with which to make a traditional pumpkin pie over the holidays. Can you imagine?! (Thanksgiving without pumpkin pie is just another turkey dinner at my house!) More on this development in a bit, but first...

Have you seen all the pumpkin stuff in the grocery store lately? I mean, not only is every food item known to man suddenly compatible with pumpkin spice flavoring (and/or coloring), but even the non-edible stuff, too: air fresheners, soap, candles, cat litter... YES, CAT LITTER! (OK, maybe it's "crisp autumn air"-scented, but still. What cat needs to poo in an autumn air-scented toilet?? On second thought, don't answer that...)

Spotted during a recent trip to Target. I could not make this stuff up.

Sheesh, with so much pumpkin available for mass consumption, no wonder it's in short supply! We'll have to eat pumpkin pie flavored pop tarts for Thanksgiving dessert! Thanks a lot, food and scented-stuff makers!

Alright. So the reason I'm telling you all this - contrary to what it may seem - is not to frustrate or alarm you (or make you hungry for pie), but to show you how EASY it is to get pumpkin (the pure, good stuff**) into your dog's diet, in comparison!

Exactly what is it, ma?

But back to that pumpkin shortage...Look, I don't know if it's true or hype - pumpkin is certainly NOT scarce where I shop, nor has the price gone up - but just in case it might, RUN! Go to the store and buy some pumpkin (either a couple of the small, pie pumpkins or 2-3 15-oz cans)! Your dog will thank you later (when he accidentally eats some OTHER animal's "choco-pie" in the yard/box, for example, and gets an upset stomach)!

But I didn't eat the poo. 

Like that one time (and the several subsequent other times) when Jon Farleigh had a problem. I just gave him a couple spoons full of canned pumpkin on top of a bland diet, and POO POOT POOP POOF! His pies went from loose to firm and completely slice-able in no time***!

*** Do NOT EVER do that! (Slice a dog pie. Oh, the horror!)
**  In addition to dietary fiber, pure pumpkin (including the seeds) is loaded with beta-carotene, vitamin A, iron, potassium, magnesium, manganese, copper, and zinc. It is also a good source of antioxidants. Only one or two spoons full of pumpkin is recommended per feeding, however, as too much can cause an unhealthy build-up of certain nutrients in your pet. More scientific information here.

My Top 2 Ways to Obtain Pure Pumpkin for Feeding

1. Buy a small, PIE pumpkin (they'll be labeled as such) - NOT a carving, Halloween pumpkin - at your grocery store, or produce stand. Then, follow this RECIPE FOR FRESH PUMPKIN PUREE from the Pioneer Woman. (Don't worry, it's simple.)

Great Scott! It's a PUNKIN!

2. Buy a can of pure pumpkin in the grocery store. This is my preferred method.
(Note: DO NOT buy the Libby's Pumpkin Pie Mix in the giant can! It is loaded with sugar, fat and spices, because it is PIE filling, and by that I mean the EDIBLE kind. Just make sure your pumpkin is pure.)

I love you with every fiber of my squash-colored being!
(Note: Do not give your dog the can. This photo is only for show.)

How to Store Extra Pumpkin So It Doesn't Go to Waste

If you're using pumpkin to correct your dog's occasional pie issues, you won't need to use a whole can, nor a whole pumpkin's worth.

When I have leftover pumpkin, I just divide it into freezer bags/containers, freeze, and then pull it out as needed. No need to even thaw (if you've frozen in single servings). You can also spread the leftover pumpkin in an ice tray and freeze it in cubes.

Or...

Use Leftovers to Make Yummy Pumpkin Dog Treats for Another Day!

And you're in luck, because our blog friends at Rubicon Days just published this curated list of 10 healthy pumpkin treats for dogs! (Go see; you and your dog will drool!)

Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I hear a Krispy Kreme pumpkin spice cake doughnut calling...

((Ring)) "Hello."
"You need some fried pumpkin spice cake in your life."
"OK, be there in 20 minutes!"

Do you give your pet pumpkin regularly? (Or irregularly, to combat irregularity? ☺) Do you have any "serving" tips to share?


* The first time I ever published a post about feeding my dogs pumpkin, I referred to their "chocolate pie" as "Hershey." I decided to go a little less brand-name this time. Especially since Halloween is coming up, and hello? Reese's PB Cups! (Hershey product.)  Those are sacred, y'all.

Does not (and better not ever) contain actual pumpkin. ♥
(Do not feed to your dog.)

But like whoever heard of someone handing out chocolate pie on Halloween? No one! (But in the rare event someone does, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!  They're trying to kill you! ☺)

P.S. Pure pumpkin is great for cats, too. If you can get them to eat it.

P.P.S. Halloween is in the air and you'll wanna stay tuned (to the blog and/or Facebook), because tricks, treats and a HUGE giveaway are coming next week!

Classic Literary Cardigan: Sheercrock Holmes and the Curious Stench

Note: This three-scene farce, based on a real-life event in my life (from 2012), is rated G for Gross. All readers who are not in the 8(to)11-year-old boy demographic should use discretion. 

Sheercrock Holmes and the Curious Stench

** Scene One **

Holmes (ahem, me) encounters a powerful stench upon entering her bedroom (which is adjacent to the bathroom that contains Maddox's litter box).

[grimaces and throws hands - open palms forward - in front of her face, as if to block an invisible perp from further olfactory assault]

"OOHHHH! OH GAH! [gags] WHAT'S THAT SMELLL??!" (knowing full well the smell is wafting from a pile of Maddox's prescription canned food-reeking cat poop)

[makes way back to litter box, careful to breathe only through her mouth]

What Holmes expected to find (but didn't)
Note: Hershey is code for poop.

"Well, at least he covered it this time," she snarked, noting the mound of litter in the center of the box.

[uses scoop to sift through litter]

"Hmmm. That's funny. Where the heck is it? [sifts again] So weird. Could he (Maddox) just have really smelly gas??"

(Where the flip is the hershey?!)

[sifts through last square inch of litter and after finding nothing, looks up and sees she has an audience]

Jon Farleigh: Whatcha doin' over there, ma?

Dewi: Oh hai, ma! When you're done with the sandbox, will you throw the rope to me?

[gasps and clutches chest - having remembered overhearing from the kitchen, about an hour earlier, Dewi and Middle Child playing the bouncy, bark-on-the-bed game. AND, that Jon Farleigh (her "shadow") had been conspicuously missing from the room]

"OH NO, YOU DIDN'T!" she cried, fairly convinced that Maddox had, in fact, NOT covered his poop, and that one of the dogs (while in the bedroom with Middle Child earlier) had helped himself to a "chocolaty" snack. 

[gags]

Maddox: I feel a quarter-pound lighter this morning, and you?

"OH, NOOO! That's DISGUSTING! EWWW! [gags] Oh, go play somewhere else; you're both (not knowing for sure which one had done it) INFECTED! Ohhh! Aghh! Uhhhhhhh." [gags]

** Scene Two ** 

About 20 minutes later, Holmes and Youngest Child are having a casual conversation in Holmes' "office."

 H: "If you ever see or hear a corgi messing around in my bathroom, PLEASE, run him off! I'm pretty sure one of them ate a pile of Maddox's poop this morning."

YC: "EWWWW! [becomes pensive]

Mommy?"

H: "Yes."

YC: [in all seriousness] "When a dog eats cat poop, does it go through their stomach and come back out as cat poop?"

H: [chokes back a giggle] "Oh no, no. That's a good question, though, buddy. No, it gets digested [cringes] and comes back out as dog poop. It might upset the dog's stomach a little. [scowls] But, I hope not this time." [sighs]

** Scene Three ** 

About an hour later, Holmes is in her bathroom milling around, with Jon Farleigh hovering close to her feet. (Note: Dewi is in another room at the other end of the house.)

Jon Farleigh: Pull my finger?

[suddenly realizes a foul stench - distinctly similar to that of Maddox's poop - has permeated the bathroom]

"OOHHHH! OH GAH! [gags] REALLY?! [looks around for the cat and at the empty litter box]

But, he's not in here. What the...?!"

It's elementary. Jon Farleigh is busted. 

"OH, GROSS, JON FARLEIGH! 

It was YOU who ate the cat poop! You sneaked in here earlier while Dewi was making all that noise on the bed! YOU did it, because your fart smells like Maddox's poo! The fork, Jon?! So FOUL!" [dry heaves]

THE END

*****

Psst, hey you. Yeah, you out there on the internets. Will you throw me a rope? Please?

Disclosure: This post is not sponsored by, nor endorsed by the folks who make Hershey's chocolates. But if you feel like eating some chocolate, and it happens to be the Hershey's kind, I'm sure no one will mind! Mmm, chocolate...

11 Unexpected Ways Living With Dogs Is Like Living With Babies (Plus 1 About Cats)

You don't have to have a baby to know what it's like to live with a baby. How can I say this, you ask? Because I've had both babies and dogs. Three of each, in fact. And I'm telling you, if you want to know at least a modicum of what babies are like (without having your own), get a dog. And if you've had both? See if you don't agree!

Note: I can think of way more than 11 similarities, but for the sake of your attention span, I prioritized the less expected ones. (Portions of this list were previously published here.)


11 Unexpected Ways Living With Dogs is Like Living With Babies

1. A formed BM (after a sustained period of "unformed" BMs, aka horrible, explosive sh^t that necessitates a bath/shower/laundry/or infected item(s) thrown - using tongs and rubber gloves - in the outside garbage) is cause for loud celebration.
(Because one hasn't fully experienced parenthood until needing to cut the infected onesie off one's baby, or throw Fluffy's entire L.L. Bean (for example) dog bed in the trash.)

Soft, warm pretzel, anyone?

2. Leaving the house with either (baby or dog) requires one to tote an ample supply of plastic poo receptacles, both of which - when loaded - are like toxic hot potatoes, and must be thrown far, far away, to avoid olfactory assault, dry heaves and perceived ridicule from random passers-by.

Same sh*#, different butt.

3. They both eat crayons. Which makes for colorful #2.

4. Sometimes, they need a pacifier to satisfy their oral fixations.

5. Even though the toilet is only 5 feet (or less) away, they throw up on the floor/bed/you.

6. They make accessorizing outfits a breeze.

7. Extended periods of blissful silence, somehow, always end up as nature's way of getting you back for being selfish and inattentive. 

8. They enjoy the taste of furniture.

You know the saying: "Your face will freeze that way!"
(It won't, but don't tell any dogs or babies, OK?)

Image courtesy: My Parents
 (yes, it's me; I might not have actually eaten the table,
but I could have.)

9. They like to eat food off the floor. And if you have BOTH dogs and babies (or cats and babies, for that matter), they'll eat EACH OTHER'S food off the floor. 

Source: Bored Panda

10. For entirely different reasons, you'll want to nibble their feet.

And, lastly (because I can't resist, and I certainly wouldn't want you to think having dogs and/or babies is a bad thing), one AWESOME way living with dogs is like living with babies...

11. Their mega-watt smiles might make you melt into a quivering pile of goo!

The resemblance* is uncanny, don't you think?

* Really? You think 6-month-old me looks like Jon Farleigh? (wink)

*****

Wait! You know what? Living with cats is like living with babies, too. Yeah, they can't keep their clothes/shoes/vital accessories on for 5 minutes!

See what I mean?

Darn cat. ☺


So for anyone else out there who's had experience with both dogs (and/or cats) and babies, got anything to add to the list?

Classic Cardigan Twofer: The Stupid, Rotten, Very Bad, Humiliating Life Lessons My Dogs Once Learned

Some things a dog only needs to experience once. Here are two separate accounts of such things - one each for Jon Farleigh and Dewi.
(Note: The number of lessons that preceded and followed these particular examples is greater than my patience for writing them down. Let's just say, they're well-educated.)

Originally published on 7/5/11 and 10/4/11, respectively (gasp, they were just babies then!)...

Life Lessons Learned the Hard Way by Dewi - Fruity Soap

The night before last, while I was milling around in the master bathroom, I heard The Hubby exclaim (in the dog version of his "what have you gotten into now" voice)...

The Hubby:  "Boys, what have you gotten into now!?"

[cue slight groan as human lowers himself to carpet and slithers halfway under king size bed]

"Uh, ELIZABETH!?"

 Me [with dread]: "Yeah?"

[cue slight groan as human slithers out from under bed and stands up using only three limbs]

The Hubby (now standing in bathroom with outstretched arm and "how the heck did they get this?" look on his face): 

"How the heck did they get this?!

(Meanwhile, Dewi is smacking his lips - as if he has peanut butter smeared on the roof of his mouth - with an ever-so-slight dollop of suds trailing down his left jowl.)

This is the part where I turn the blog over to Dewi and let him tell his story - in pictures.

I am not laughing, but my people seem to think this is funny. P'shah.

You dogs, pay close attention!

Any questions?

No dogs were physically harmed during the original incident nor during the making of this blog post. The soap, however, needed a thorough rinsing due to dog slobber contamination. Oh yeah, and Dewi swiped the soap out of the walk-in shower when I had my back turned.

~~~~~

Life Lessons Learned the Hard Way by Jon Farleigh - Ingesting Hair

Jon Farleigh swallowed some of his own hair (never mind how I know this), which, this afternoon, led to a series of unfortunate events. 

At this time, Jon Farleigh will take over the blog and tell the story in his own words (okay, mostly pictures).

Hairy dogs, pay attention!

If you eat some hair and get that "not-so-fresh" feeling, DO NOT use this...

carpet

...when you should be using this...

...or else the Mom person will use these...

Any questions?

Please leave me now.

~~~~~

Well? What sorts of life lessons have your pets learned? ☺

Kitty Shita (an Unoriginal Ditty So Bad, You'll Want to Hide It From Small Children)

Because it's my blog, and I can.

Note: "Shita" is pronounced she-tah, like cheetah, or pita. In a sentence (using a bad Italian accent): I wonder whether the cheetah, who ate the pita, covers up her shita. 

By Patrick Bolduan from Tokyo, Japan (Outhouse) [CC-BY-SA-2.0], via Wikimedia Commons

This post (inspired earlier this week by my cats) is dedicated to all the living beings who poo indoors. Those who poo outdoors, or who are olfactorally (is that a word?) challenged, can feel free to make up their own ditty.

(As for the meter, if you were alive and hearing when you were seven, spent any time on an elementary school bus or playground, and know your way around a baseball diamond, you'll recognize it* in a flash.

FYI: I wanted to do this to the tune of the 80s rap hit Bust a Move, but who has that kind of time? Plus, the verse with "yellow" in it kept throwing me off-topic.)

Caution! The following words, when read in time, and in rapid succession, might trigger an earworm infestation in those who are susceptible. Proceed with caution.

Kitty Shita

I was walking through the door, when it (the stench) knocked me to the floor.
Kitty shita! Kitty shita!



With horror in my eyes, I croaked, "OMG! Did something die?!"
Kitty shita! Kitty shita!

What the frell could she have eaten, to make her turds so flocking stinkin'?
Kitty shita! Kitty shita!

There's irony in being fastidious, when your GI tract is so insidious.
Kitty shita! Kitty shita!

How can you be so tiny, and harbor demons in your hiney?
Kitty shita! Kitty shita!

~~~~~

[insert 15-second pause for drum solo and break dancing...
...3, 2, 1...]

~~~~~

You dug a crater in which to deposit it, took a dump, but failed to cover it.
Kitty shita! Kitty shita!

You might think it's stupid, but you don't have to scoop it.
Kitty shita! Kitty shita!


Company's coming - they'll be here soon; spray Febreze in every room!
Kitty shita! Kitty shita!




And one more thing...

Should you be inclined to judge, I suggest you take a whiff of your own fudge.
Kitty shita! Kitty shita!

***

So, who wants some chocolate?! I have all kinds of it (Milk Duds, Whoppers, Hershey bars, Reese's...) waiting for the trick-or-treaters, and I'm sure I have some to spare! 



OK, maybe next time. 

* The name of the original ditty (author unknown), that we ALL sang in elementary school, is "Diarrhea." If you don't know it, message me privately and I'll get you the words. Hint: If you slide into home and feel a little foam, it's, well, you know. 

Guess what?! I googled "words that rhyme with diarrhea" today! ☺☺ (There are a butt load of them.)

Also, you might be interested to know that I had a few alternate titles for my ditty (all rhyming with diarrhea, of course):
<> Digested Chia
<> Brown Urea
<> Fudge Tortilla

Oh, and if the dogs had written a ditty on the same subject, it would've been called, "Somebody's Bakin' Cookies; Gotta Get 'Em While They're Warm!"

There would be no other words to their song. 

OK, that's all. Feel free to write your own verse to the ditty and leave it in comments! 

"Hey, did somebody say kitty shita?"

P.S. There might be a (highly unconventional) cat litter/box review in your future. Think of this as the prequel.