Tacky Cardigan With Words on It: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wha?

What if it wasn't a wardrobe...

...but your kitchen pantry?

Yeah, I don't know either. But somehow, I think Narnia would be in a heap of trouble if "King" Jon Farleigh was in charge of it.☺

If you'd like me to consider a photo of your pet(s) for a tacky cardigan, just post it to the Facebook page!

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How'd you like to win a $25 gift card to Etsy.com? Come hang out at #CardiComedy this Sunday, 4/6, and you just might!

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face (Heard Your Bark, Watched You Poop) - A Song Parody

First of all, I'm not apologizing to Roberta Flack (the artist who popularized this song in 1972). She didn't write the song (the relatively unknown Ewan MacColl did). Besides, have you heard Flack's version*?  

And if so, can you remember any words past the first line? Yeah, that's what I thought. So, maybe you'll remember this one (my 100% non-sensual, ridiculous, yet true, dog version) a little better than hers. (And, for that, I am truly sorry. ;)

So, for all the readers who have (or have had) dogs (especially puppies): Can you remember the first time you heard him/her bark? Not in a kennel or puppy pen -- possibly getting drowned out by all the other dogs' barks -- but after getting him home? Did you take note of his bark's unique pitch? Marvel at how deep it was for such a small fella (or lady)? Perhaps (and this one also rings true of parents who've just heard their baby's first babbled word) you felt like announcing over social media how you couldn't be more proud that your new fur baby "used his words" today?! (And later that night -- when he wouldn't go to sleep -- wished you could take it all back.) Am I right??

Because, I did that! I can remember the exact moment 13-week-old Jon Farleigh barked his first bark on the day he was hand-delivered to me: He marched right up to his new sheltie cousin and declared his rightful place in the family. At which point, I duly noted not only that he possessed tenacity, but that the little fuzzball had the most adorable, deep, raspy bark that I had ever heard! Not a woof, nor even an arf, but kind of a throaty warf. And I just beamed!

And I don't know why, but thinking about that moment made me want to ruin write a song about "firsts" with Jon Farleigh (but it could also apply to Dewi, or even your dog, if you wanted it to). Please, enjoy!

Actual photo in which I first saw Jon Farleigh's face (over email). ♥

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

♪♫♫ The first time ever I saw your face
I thought, OMG, he's piercing my soul with his eyes!
And if I can't get my hands on that baby dog
My whole life will go awry, dear Johnny**
My life will go awry.

And the first time ever I heard your bark
I felt the earth move under my heels
Thought, that's my big boy with his big boy bark!
Yes, I was an imbecile (for you), sweet Johnny
I was an imbecile. 

And the first time ever I watched you poop
Outside on the grass, not inside
I smiled and shouted, what a good boy you are!
And my heart swelled up with pride (over that turd)
Dear Johnny, my heart swelled up with pride.

The first time ever I saw your face...♫♪♫

(♥)

Can anyone relate?

* I got nothing against Roberta Flack. It's just that, her rendition is a bit slooooww. Plus, the words are all mushy and stuff.
** Jon Farleigh's kennel call name was Johnny (Hoppin' John).

Wait! Come to #CardiComedy on Sunday (4/6) and you could win a $25 Etsy.com gift card!

Tacky Cardigan With Words on It: So Sorry, Dorothy Gale

You know the saying, "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence," right? Well, have you ever heard the one that goes, "the blue is always bluer on the other side of the rainbow"? 

Well, now you have.  Terribly sorry. (hehe)

If you'd like me to consider a photo of your pet(s) for a tacky cardigan, just post it to the Facebook page!

***

#CardiComedy chat this Sunday! One participant will win BOTH dog-infused, romantic comedy novels by bestselling author Jackie Bouchard!

Yes, It's a Yawning Dog (vs a Whooping Party Animal) - Wherein I Debunk 5 Outrageous Photo Memes

Let me preface with my motivation for this post (something I tweeted during a BlogPaws "party"):

Ayeeeeee! Ack ack ack! (Not to be outdone by his party animal brother.) #Dewi'sGettinLoud #blogpawty pic.twitter.com/GA1uSsRVPn
— Elizabeth Keene (@ChroniclesCardi) February 16, 2014

Followed by a legitimate question from a reader, regarding the photo (and its context)...

Shhhhhh!!! Blowin' my schtick, gurl! (Of course it's a yawn. But he is loud.) @kgoak201
— Elizabeth Keene (@ChroniclesCardi) February 16, 2014

But--in my defense--he DOES look like he could be whooping it up at a party, doesn't he? ;)

Seriously, though, y'all know Jon Farleigh and Dewi are just "regular" dogs, right? I mean, for instance, this:

It's obvious that Jon Farleigh's not really constipated, but instead, having some sort of euphoric daydream*, isn't it?

Or, here:

Dewi can't be dreaming of roast turkey (I hardly ever make it), so he's got to be dreaming of bacon! Duh.

Or, this:

[In the vet's parking lot.]
Dewi to Jon: "Hey, dude, how's my drivin?"
Jon to Dewi: "I think we're parked, man."

You know they're not really channeling Cheech and Chong, don't you?!

And, what about this?:

It would be preposterous to think Dewi could be that excited about a pile of fresh kitty "brownies" in the mulch**. Besides, my cats don't even go outside!

And, here, this last one:

Jon Farleigh, upon seeing the human bring out the beer keg. 

What human in his right mind would bring out a kegger at a dog's birthday party?! No, no, no! It was BACON***! DUH!

So, there you go! No more pretending! My dogs are just plain old boring, okay? (And, if you believe that, I've got a no-bake, gluten-free "brownie" recipe I'll sell you for real cheap.☺)

* Euphoric = Bacon

** It wasn't brownies; someone probably brought a BLT outside.

*** Let's get real; all dog memes--when broken down--are probably about bacon. ahem.

WAIT! DON'T LEAVE YET!

Gotta tell you about the GIVEAWAY during this Sunday's  #CARDICOMEDY:

BOTH delightful novels**** by bestselling author Jackie Bouchard:

Yep, one lucky participant is going to win both (in her choice of medium)! I hope it's YOU!

Put it on your calendar (THIS SUNDAY, 2/23)...

**** I've read them both; I KNOW! 

Look for other #CardiComedy giveaways in upcoming weeks, straight off this guide I published in Decmeber:

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b5925a2464375f9f986a75b6eb4e4fd4ff51ba0bd2ceb3d710

It Rhymes With 'Hump' Day: Jump (reminder: they're corgis)

So, I don't know what definition of jump you were expecting (have you ever seen a photo of either of my dogs catching air?), but here's what I'm giving you...

Seems to me that their batteries have simply given out, wouldn't you say?

Nothing a little jump couldn't fix.

I don't have a clue how those things work, by the way. 

That red clamp looks good with Dewi's coat, though, doesn't it?

Tune in the Wednesday after next (next week's Wed. post is a surprise), when I rhyme "hump" with...

(Hey, I don't know what word it'll be any better than you do, okay? I, frankly, can't believe I still have words left to rhyme! This is getting hard!)

OH MY GOSH, I ALMOST FORGOT!

THIS!

Um, YES, I'll be at it (#CardiComedy) again on Twitter, THIS coming Sunday, 2/9, and I don't care what awesome show is competing with me on TV! What's that? The Winter Olympics are starting?? Well, how dare they! So rude!

(Alright, I know full well that the Olympics will be on starting at 8 p.m. EST Sunday on NBC. They don't have dogs, though, and I do. Besides, who needs Shawn White when one has Jon Farleigh? As if.☺)

Tacky Cardigan With Words on It: Unfortunate Pet Names on the Robertson Farm

Can you just imagine?!

Oh, man, that was bad. I'll just go ahead and bang the gong for you, okay?  hehe

PLEASE READ! Many thanks to Felicia ("affectionately" known among her people as "The Good Flea" of Jones Natural Chews blog, and whose last name is not Robertson) for allowing me to tackify her sweet pet duck, Jimmy Dickens (who'd like you to know that it was only a "love" bite)! 

Just for fun (from mental_floss.com): 10 Famous (or Notorious) Ducks

Want me to consider your pet(s)' photo for a Tacky Cardigan, just post it to the Facebook page!

I know I've asked you this a couple times already, and I hate to be a nag, but this is the last blog post until THIS!

I'm supposed to be there to host, for the first time, THIS coming Sunday. If you promise not to forget, I won't either! ;)

It Rhymes With 'Hump' Day: Dump

Oh, hi there, you! Yeah, you. No, not the person over your shoulder, you. Hey, mind if I ask you a couple questions before you check out the rest of this post? Great! Okay, 1) Do you know this is a mostly dog blog? 2) Do you know me (read: I'm not exactly known on this blog for my couth and inhibition - just saying).

Okay, okay, so assuming you do know this is a dog blog and you know me, is it fair to say that when you saw the word "dump" up there in the title, you probably spent a second or two deciding whether or not it would be a good idea to come over here and look? ;) I mean, since you probably assumed I would be putting up pictures of Jon Farleigh and Dewi in the post, you had to have gotten a mental image of something, right? Okay, fine! You don't have to answer my rhetorical questions, but you and I both know that when I said "dump," you immediately thought of...

SNOW!

YEP, WE GOT A SNOW DUMP LAST NIGHT! YAY!

And by dump, I mean we got two whole inches! Whee!

I took over 100 pictures today!

With my Nikon point-and-shoot super zoom!

It was FREEZING!

Can you find Jon Farleigh up there??

There he is!

Isn't Dewi handsome??

Wow, Jon Farleigh looks so serious...

Wha??? 

bwahaha MADE YOU LOOK!!!   

Tune in next Wednesday when I rhyme 'hump' with...

P.S. I'm saving the majority of the snowy day pics I took today for a much more civilized post in February. I hope you will have forgiven me by then! :)

P.P.S. PLEASE don't let me forget that I'm hosting this on Sunday at 7:30 p.m. EST! I'd DIE!

Dogs Are Fun - A Less-Than-Impromptu Sequel to the Ditty, Cats Are Cool

In case you missed it in theaters, "Cats Are Cool" came out last February (here, on this blog). At the end of that post, I promised a sequel called "Dogs Are Great." It wasn't until I changed the word "great" to "fun," however, that I could actually make this little ditty come together. Hence, the 11-month delay. 

I hope you like it. Just make up your own tune to the meter. 

Dogs Are Fun

Dogs are fun. Dogs are fun. 

They're covered up with fur, but they still play in the sun.

Dogs are fun. Dogs are fun. 

No matter what their size, they'll join you on a run.

(If you run. Which I don't, because I hate it. But that's okay, because they'll walk, too.)

Dogs are fun. Nah nah na na...

They wanna be beside you, even during #1 (and #2...ew).

You'll never let it go, will you?

La la la, ho ho humm...

If you're watching your carbs, they'll gladly eat your bun (or cake, etc.). (Hypothetically speaking, of course. Because, duh, just say no to the bun, or substitute lettuce. That's what the magazine article said, anyway.)

OK, this is done! ;-)

*****

Do you have a verse you'd like to add? Have a ditty request? Leave it in comments!

(♪♫ hmm hmm hmm...♫♪♪♫)

OOH! Do NOT let me forget that I'm hosting THIS at 7:30 p.m. EST, this Sunday, 1/26 (in SIX DAYS)! (If I forget, that will be BAD!)

In Which I Explain How Twitter Chats Work, Because You've Gotta Join Mine! #CardiComedy #Dogs

But first, a real-live conversation from last week, in my kitchen:

Eldest Child: So, which day this week can you take me to a hiring session for my summer job?

Me: [Thinks aloud.] Well, Tuesday's out, and Wednesday? Wednesday I've got a Twitter chat at 8 p.m., so no.

Husband and Eldest Child: [Cut off mother, mid-thought, snickering.] A Twitter chat?? Are you serious?? What the heck is a Twitter chat??

Me: [Decides not to expend energy answering patronizing questions.] I'll drive you on Thursday. Remind me, okay?

Okay, so first of all, my family members are dorks. ;) Second, Twitter chats are fun! Third, I'm gonna start hosting one - called #CardiComedy - on Sundays from 7:30-8:30 p.m. EST, and I hope you'll attend!

What is #CardiComedy?

Essentially, it'll be an hour of me, making dumb jokes about my own pet experiences, and throwing crazy, dog-related questions out for attendees to answer, in real time. I envision a canine-centric, interactive comedy hour, where we all get to know each other better over a few well-deserved laughs!

Why should I attend #CardiComedy? I have other stuff I could be doing at that time.

• Because it's free fun!
• Jon Farleigh and Dewi will be there. Have I mentioned we'll be sharing silly pet photos, too?
• You'll get to know other dog people and expand your horizons on Twitter (and maybe beyond).
• There will be prizes. Yes, I said PRIZES! Stuff for your dog, maybe a gift card for you - I have plans to give away some of both, on occasion, and you must be present to be eligible. More on this later...
• (Celebrity) special guests. Laurie Eno of The Daily Corgi, anyone? (I always tell her she's the "Oprah Winfrey of Corgi Nation [which technically spans the globe]." So, yeah, I'd say she has some celebrity!) I'm thrilled to announce Laurie will be a VIP guest at the first chat. Yay!
• You don't have to get dressed up. In fact, you could wear a paper bag and we wouldn't care!
• You'll have stuff to talk about at work on Monday. (Or not. But you could, in theory.☺)

How the heck do I attend #CardiComedy on Twitter? What if I don't even have a Twitter account?

To attend (Twitter user):

1. Log into Twitter.
2. Locate the #CardiComedy chat.
• Enter #CardiComedy in the Search field (magnifying glass icon at top of page).

• On the Results for #CardiComedy page, click All to see everyone's tweets.
  
  Note: Anyone who tweets about the chat (before, during or after) must include #CardiComedy in the body of their tweet. That's how we all keep up with who's attending and what they're saying. This is the hardest thing to remember in a chat. If you forget the hashtag (and you will), you'll be like, "why isn't anyone replying to my tweet?" And then, you'll remember that you DIDN'T use the hashtag, and be all, "crap! who's looking at my tweet?!" And (if you're like me), you'll waste a pile of time deleting the first one and doing it over. (So, my point is, when you mess up, just know you're not the only one who's ever messed up, okay?)
3. Get comfortable (remember to bring your camera, if your pets will be nearby) and enjoy the conversation!

Non-Twitter users: Just skip #1. You don't need an account to find and follow Twitter chats, silently. You DO, however, need an account if you want to actively participate, or enter contests.

How the heck do I follow the conversation? It's happening so FAST!

The Hard Way

You know that "refresh" (circular arrow) icon at the top of your browser window? Well, you'd need to click it every 30 seconds or so (depending on how many people are tweeting using the hashtag #CardiComedy) to refresh the feed. It can be done (I've done it, more than once), but there's a much easier way...

Using TweetDeck (Easy!)

Note: TweetDeck is a tool built by, and located within Twitter itself. You must have a Twitter account to use TweetDeck.

1. Go to tweetdeck.twitter.com.
   Note: You'll see your Twitter "home" page, and also, split into columns, your messages, notifications and activity (refer to the image above).
2. On the left menu, click the search (magnifying glass) icon.
   
3. On the "Choose column type" page, select Search.
   
4. Search for #CardiComedy.
5. Click "Add Column" at the bottom of the box.
   Result: You should see a new "#CardiComedy" column at the far right of your existing columns.
   
6. Sit back and watch the tweets update in real time. (Really, you don't have to refresh or do anything!)
   

How do I interact in the chat from TweetDeck?

To compose a NEW tweet: Click the compose (quill and paper) icon in the upper left corner of your screen.

To interact (reply, retweet, favorite) with an existing tweet: Simply hover over or click the tweet in your #CardiComedy column and VOILA! All the action icons appear at the bottom of the tweet!

What if TweetDeck breaks down?

If this happens, which is rarely, but it can, I suggest using HootSuite.com as an alternative. If you need help getting that program up and running (it's not nearly as intuitive as TweetDeck), I can try to help. Just send me an email.

Okay, I'd love to attend #CardiComedy; when's the first chat?

Sunday, January 26, 7:30 p.m. - 8:30 p.m. EST (4:30 PST)

Will you come?! I hope so!

So, you think they'll come? Can we get down now? Is the mic off?