5 Ways My No-good, Broken Dishwasher Triggered a Happiness Windfall for My Dogs

My dishwasher quit working earlier this month. Naturally, it outed its state of malfunction just after I'd carefully crammed in the last possible dirty dish. (Dear dishwasher makers: Maybe think about adding a "breakdown imminent, do not load" warning chime to future models? Because the current system of "let's let her fill it all the way up and see if she cries when it doesn't start" just isn't cutting it. Thanks for listening.)

It stayed broken for nearly two weeks, because a) there is a shortage of "authorized brand A" service providers in every zip code in America, which means one will wait at least three business days (so sorry your appliance broke down on a Thursday before a holiday weekend) before the initial service call, b) the part that broke (99% of all appliance parts) is not in the van and must be ordered, and c) a second service call must be scheduled (refer to "a" above for details).

I hate washing dishes by hand. Hate, as in I'd rather set them on fire and run. I don't know why, and - for the love of dogs - I can't help the way I was born! (Hint: No judging!)

Anyway, thanks to my family's help, no fires were set and we all managed to eat without running out of plates and utensils. (Let's hear it for overcoming first world problems! ahem) The funny thing is - about three days in - I realized the change in routine was affecting Jon Farleigh and Dewi, And, if given the choice, they would've had me doing the dishes, over the dishwasher, forever. 

Because, all of this:

5 Ways My No-good, Broken Dishwasher Triggered a Happiness Windfall for My Dogs

1. It forced me to spend more time in the kitchen, near the pantry, where the corgi (and kitty) snacks are kept. For the record, I would not have given them the extra treats had they not looked so dang cute/desperate in my moments of weakness.

Might I trouble you for a snack?

Why, yes, I'm a fan of snacks. Snacks are great!

I might only have 23 more minutes to live unless you get me a snack.

I've chewed up a stool, slippers, a briefcase, a chair and all the USB chargers; don't make me chew up a pantry door, too. 

2. I repeat, it forced me to spend more time in the kitchen, and therefore, less time typing/surfing the net/not paying attention to corgis at the office computer. Apparently, I distract easily when performing menial kitchen labor.

Excuse me, I'm over here! Do I need to tap dance, too?
(Sure wish the dishwasher would break down.)

3. A friendly service technician (named John) got to come over and play with the dogs. And by that, I mean - in order to be heard over the playing - I had to yell things like:

• "Jon, stop jumping! Oh, oops (Mr. service tech John), my dog's name is Jon too; just ignore me if you hear it!"
• "I'm so sorry, they're just really happy to see you!"
• "Hey, come on in! They love people; they're just loud! Jonny, stop the barking!"
• "His favorite game is fetch; he's just trying to get you to toss the rope!" 

Yeah, turns out, corgi happiness necessitates yelling at (and confusing the heck out of) service techs named John.

OMG! It's the dishwasher fixer!

Maaaaaa! Mr. John fix-it man is AT. THE. DOOR!

4. To avoid washing dishes, we ate more pizza (which technically doesn't even require a plate). It so happens that some members of my family don't like the crust. Others LOVE it - especially with soggy bite marks around the edges. Those family members are furry dwarfs named Jon Farleigh and Dewi. It's OK, though; the carb-loading "fueled" them for their play dates with service tech John. 

No, I didn't run over the pizza with the car. This is NOT pizza (it's dried lamb lung for dogs☺). But these ARE the faces the dogs made when we ate the pizza (on paper plates). 

5. I had no choice but to use the dogs as substitute pot-scrubber cycles. It's just that when one is forced to wash dishes by hand, one can use a little help loosening cooked-on food particles, like smashed pot roast veggies and gravy, or fried egg, for example. I'm telling you, dog spit is nearly as effective as Cascade; it just doesn't smell as nice. 

Note: SIMULATED pot-scrubber cycle. That's actually dog food on doggy plates. I didn't film them licking my plate. Gross!

...Then, on the 13th day, the dirty-dish doggy jubilee was over. I guess I'm glad. I mean, why wouldn't I be glad? Could there be anything worse than being forced to spend more time in one's kitchen washing dishes (with one's dogs, cats, and family) than in front of a glowing computer screen?*

*Of course there is, you sillies! But, blast it to hades, I'd rather count grains of rice than keep washing those dang dishes by hand! Besides, there are plenty of other appliances around here that could break at any minute. Can you imagine what would happen if my washing machine went out, or my microwave? Bye bye, computer! (Talk about a doggy jubilee!)

bebebebebebebebebe

So, have your dogs (or any type of pet) ever benefited from a similar household misfortune? 

Classic Cardigan: The Time I Pretended the Dogs Redecorated the House, When They Really Tore It Up

Wait, that wasn't fair to the dogs. They didn't tear it all up; they only tore up some of the really nice stuff - that can't be repaired. And besides, they were puppies, so they get a bye, right? ;)

Please enjoy (at my expense entirely, oh, and in case you need to know, it got worse. Also, cats. Also, I don't care anymore.)...originally published January 31, 2011:

How to Clean House So Guests Won't Suspect You Own Indoor Dogs

(Please, people. If I actually knew how to pull that off, I'd start a consulting business, and could afford to pay a housekeeper.) [sigh]

So, I've decided to bump my usual Monday "training" post until tomorrow, as I've got larger fish to fry today: [read] How the hot fudge do I clean my house so none of my friends - who are coming over for coffee at 10 in the morning - will know that I have a couple hairy, mouthy, slobbery, barky, and who-couldn't-care-less about cleanliness corgis in the house?  Yes, I know. To the seasoned dog owner, this post is absurd. Why on earth would I want to give the impression that I don't have dogs; how superficial is that? Maybe, instead, I should find some better friends who won't care that I've started serving dog hair as a condiment, or who won't disapprove of my using fluff as an accessory?     

Ugh! This wouldn't be nearly as traumatizing if I'd had the tennis *balls* to invite these friends over a little more often than once, since the dogs joined the family last spring! (You know; to gradually "break them in.") It's just that we've been so busy with "redecorating" that it's never really been the right time.

Honestly, who'd have thought Jon Farleigh and Dewi were that much in tune with farmhouse decor? I mean, now that I think about it, it makes perfect sense that my dream kitchen - with buttery white cabinetry set against sleek stainless appliances and old-fashioned hardwoods - was simply missing "authenticity" before the treatment it received from my two, all-purpose farm dogs? For example, these improvements:

Distressed Cabinetry

Faux-Finished Stainless Appliances 

Weathered Wood

Color-Coordinated Gating with Abstract Wall Art

Why stop when one is on a roll?  Let's move into the family room area:

Catch-all Basket After *Antiquing*

Footstool Fringe Is "In"

X-pen as *Furniture*

And, in the bedroom (note: improvements have since stopped in the bedroom, due to "creative" differences with the dogs, in other words, they're banned from going in it):

Out-of-fashion Textured Frieze Carpet Transformed into "Lived-in" Trashy Fugly Unraveled Carpet

Oh, for the love of peanut butter, it's just coffee with the girls, right?!  I guess I should at least wipe the dog drool off the appliances...  Mr. Clean, Brawny Man: H.E.L.P meeeee! Calgon: I need to get away! Helloooooo; anyone there?!    

Classic Cardigan: The Stupidly Shocking Aladdin Parody (and a bonus, or two)

Bonus #1: I did a little (opposite-of-scientific) comparative study that I'd like to share:

Things I Dread Today vs. Things My Dogs Dread Today

Note: At first, I wasn't sure that my dogs were even capable of the dread emotion, but then, I remembered this post, and this post, and this post, and decided that, yes, they in fact are.

Everything is dreadful.

Things I Dread	Things My Dogs Dread
Formatting this table in HTML	Not getting enough attention, because they saw me sit down to format this table in HTML
Cleaning my house for company (because in the absence of company, I wouldn't be)	The monsters that will be coming out of the vacuum, dust rag, spray bottle and paper towels, when I start to clean
Going potty after having been in labor for several hours and having a baby (Okay, fine, I haven't dreaded this for 10 years; it's just that I have trouble un-remembering it at times like this.)	Going potty after having been neutered (And, no, this NEVER happened - the dread part, that is.)

Conclusions:

<> HTML is for the birds.

<> No one, human nor animal, should have to clean house.

<> It's just a crying shame we can't warn them about that first trip to the potty. Isn't it?

<> Since I'm full of dread (and, therefore, unable to write something new), this is a great day to re-publish a classic.

~ End of Study ~

Originally published on March 30, 2012...

Aluladdin and the Magic Pumpkin

Once upon a time in a land not far enough away, lived a raven-haired princess named Aluladdin (but who preferred to be called Lula).

Aluladdin is a boy's name. Don't ever call me that.

One day, Lula discovered a mysterious pumpkin on her futon, and out of curiosity, put her paws on it.

I must get this play thing off of here.

And poof!

This better be good. I could've slept another 100 years.

Out of the hollow of the orange gourd - in a pillar of smoke - a snake-eyed, magic Tabby appeared.

"So what's your wish?" barked the Tabby.

"Wha what wish?" answered Lula, dazed and confused.

"Duh! Like you just released me from that slimy gourd, so now - as a (half-hearted) gesture of thanks - I'm gonna grant you one wish.
It's simple. If you could have just one thing in the whole wide world, what would it be?" 

This is my futon; who invited you?

Lula pondered.

"I already have everything I really want," she thought out loud. "Hmm....

Yes, that's it! I've got it!" she exclaimed, like someone who'd just had an epiphany. 

"Well, what is it?" inquired the Tabby.

"I want to be able to speak - with clarity and conviction - two words in English," answered Lula.

"Really? That's it? Of all the things in the whole wide world, you just want to speak two English words?" mused the Tabby.

"Yes, thanks," replied Lula, smugly.

"Okay, whenever you're ready..."

And with that, Lula turned around, walked to the edge of the futon and uttered two words...

And she lived happily ever after.

The End

Bonus #2: Heart-Failure-Worthy, Cute Kitten Photo:

Bobby Flay O'Fish (my foster kitten *UPDATE* foster fail kitten) knows how to take a nap. ♥♥♥

Happy naps and days of not-cleaning, everyone!

Cats Are Cool - An Impromptu Ditty with Vacuum Accompaniment

So I made this little song (ditty) up while vacuuming globs of dog hair from every square inch of my home's first floor (plus furnishings).

I'm sharing it because unless I do (release it from the fun house that is my brain), it will end up being 97 verses long, and I'll need to count backwards and breathe into a paper bag.

It's called:

Cats Are Cool 

(Hint: You can start in any key you like. I personally can't carry a tune.)

Cats are cool. Cats are cool.

They are so cool they should teach it in school.

Cats are cool. Cats are cool.

And if you hate 'em, you might be a tool...

...in the shed...

...that needs to be cat-ibrated! (the tool not the shed, get it?) [gestures an air-high-five]

Cat are cool. Cats are cool.

They eat their own fur and they hardly ever drool.

hum hum hum. la la la.

Nuh nuh-nuh nuh-nuh and they won't jump in your pool.

The end.

Be sure to tune in next time when I clean all four of the litter boxes, singing my newest ditty titled DOGS ARE GREAT!

That's not a joke. Just wait.

P.S. Feel free to add your own cats-are-cool verse in comments.

P.P.S. (added 4/14/13) If you liked this (or want to adopt a new kitty of your own), there are WAY more reasons why cats are cool at Petfinder, whose "I Am a Cat Parent" awareness campaign is in full swing! Go there!

No Welsh Corgis Were Compensated in the Making of These Photos

No, they behave this way free of charge. What a bargain. ;)

And now for the third (and final) installment in my Jon Farleigh-and-Dewi "fall premier" photo shoot series! (I call it):

"Brother, You're Ruining My Close-up"

(I made this one extra big so you could see Dewi's butt "heart." ;)

[insert awkward silence and whistling]

(Pan to token cat shot)

 Oh, hai. Guess what? This is my face on derp. Oh, and I think this is the part where she
tells you to have a nice weekend.

Have a nice weekend, y'all! 

:-)

P.S. And you thought JF was camera shy? 

What time is it?! It's Howdy Dewi time! (aka more corgi pics!)

For those of you who are less dated than me, that was a pun on the popular children's 50s TV show Howdy Doody. 

This post, however, has nothing to do with a talking, buck-toothed doody (because eww*); however, it does have to do with Dewi. 

And now that we're clear on that, as previously promised, a fresh Dewi dump (as in photo)! ;)

Editor's note: This is the part of the shoot where I used a pile of laundry for artistic effect. I didn't want the pose to look too stiff. ;)

Be sure to tune in next time when Dewi wakes up and gets into all the same frames as Jon Farleigh!

(That's right, even more corgi pics are coming up! Yay!) 

*Not that I'm above (if inspired) doing a (Howdy) Doody parody.