Monday, March 31, 2014

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face (Heard Your Bark, Watched You Poop) - A Song Parody

First of all, I'm not apologizing to Roberta Flack (the artist who popularized this song in 1972). She didn't write the song (the relatively unknown Ewan MacColl did). Besides, have you heard Flack's version*?  

And if so, can you remember any words past the first line? Yeah, that's what I thought. So, maybe you'll remember this one (my 100% non-sensual, ridiculous, yet true, dog version) a little better than hers. (And, for that, I am truly sorry. ;)


So, for all the readers who have (or have had) dogs (especially puppies): Can you remember the first time you heard him/her bark? Not in a kennel or puppy pen -- possibly getting drowned out by all the other dogs' barks -- but after getting him home? Did you take note of his bark's unique pitch? Marvel at how deep it was for such a small fella (or lady)? Perhaps (and this one also rings true of parents who've just heard their baby's first babbled word) you felt like announcing over social media how you couldn't be more proud that your new fur baby "used his words" today?! (And later that night -- when he wouldn't go to sleep -- wished you could take it all back.) Am I right??

Because, I did that! I can remember the exact moment 13-week-old Jon Farleigh barked his first bark on the day he was hand-delivered to me: He marched right up to his new sheltie cousin and declared his rightful place in the family. At which point, I duly noted not only that he possessed tenacity, but that the little fuzzball had the most adorable, deep, raspy bark that I had ever heard! Not a woof, nor even an arf, but kind of a throaty warf. And I just beamed!

And I don't know why, but thinking about that moment made me want to ruin write a song about "firsts" with Jon Farleigh (but it could also apply to Dewi, or even your dog, if you wanted it to). Please, enjoy!

Actual photo in which I first saw Jon Farleigh's face (over email). ♥

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

♪♫♫ The first time ever I saw your face
I thought, OMG, he's piercing my soul with his eyes!
And if I can't get my hands on that baby dog
My whole life will go awry, dear Johnny**
My life will go awry.


And the first time ever I heard your bark
I felt the earth move under my heels
Thought, that's my big boy with his big boy bark!
Yes, I was an imbecile (for you), sweet Johnny
I was an imbecile. 


And the first time ever I watched you poop
Outside on the grass, not inside
I smiled and shouted, what a good boy you are!
And my heart swelled up with pride (over that turd)
Dear Johnny, my heart swelled up with pride.


The first time ever I saw your face...♫♪♫

(♥)

Can anyone relate?

* I got nothing against Roberta Flack. It's just that, her rendition is a bit slooooww. Plus, the words are all mushy and stuff.
** Jon Farleigh's kennel call name was Johnny (Hoppin' John).

Wait! Come to #CardiComedy on Sunday (4/6) and you could win a $25 Etsy.com gift card!

Thursday, March 27, 2014

That Picture Don't Make a Lick of Sense: Dog With Pickled Jalapeno Slices


Ready to tackle another photo?! OK, how 'bout this one!

Question: Why is Dewi mouthing a pickle jar?


A. He's helping me unscrew the lid.
B. He's cuckoo for the taste of Mt. Olive pickled jalapeno slices (even though these are sealed in glass).
C. I was conducting an experiment to see whether he could distinguish healthy, fresh fruits and veggies from random, nasty crap in my pantry.
D. We were working on a magic trick for America's Got Talent.

What's your best guess?! Tell me in comments or on Facebook!

And, here's the answer to last week's Dog in a Tourniquet photo:


D. I was pretending to be a veterinarian (for a blog post, not in real life)!

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Repurposed Tacky Cardigan With Words on It: The Most Dangerous Bug Known to Man

No, y'all, not a scorpion, centipede, fire ant, yellow jacket, black widow nor even a brown recluse. THIS!


Note: Although you might be tempted to provide a handout to the clever mantis (who is fully capable of catching his own food, by the way), you would be better off locking yourself (and all other members of your household) in a metal room (indefinitely). ☺

(The above photo -- that I took in my kitchen with my own camera, and later, "memed" -- originally appeared in a blog post published on August 21, 2012. It was just as tacky then as it is now.)


If you'd like me to consider a photo of your pet(s)/bug for a tacky cardigan, just post it to the Facebook page!

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Classic Cardigan: Do All Holes That Dogs Dig Lead to China?

Do you know what? I am so behind today that I need to wear pants on both my lower and upper halves. (Perhaps I should trademark that joke. Not only would I be behind, but I'd be a dumb@ss, too.☺)

OK, moving us all right along...once upon a day back in 2011 --when I was still posting stuff to this blog 7 days a week-- I wondered whether on continents other than North America, do all holes that dogs dig lead to China. No, not literally. I wanted to know whether all people use the same saying that their dog (kid, rabbit, turtle...) is digging a hole to China. I mean, that's a perfectly legitimate thing to wonder, right?

Anyway, I didn't need to wonder for long, and let me tell you: I was shocked and amused by readers' responses (both on the blog and on Facebook)!

Are you in a continent other than North America? If so, help out my new readers and let us know: Are your dogs gonna (mysteriously) climb out of the ground in China, too? (Now there's a fictional story idea --all dogs meeting up in China-- if I ever heard one. Maybe some day...)

Originally published on October 27, 2011:
Sometimes I wake up in the morning and have no idea what I'm going to post on the blog (like yesterday and today). I used to get really stressed out about it, but with time, I've learned to just go about my day as usual, and most of the time, something inspires me. (If not, I just go through my photos, pick something cute and put the word "random" in the title. :)

But anyway, today, as I read through some other dog blogs, I saw a couple references to the phrase "my dog dug a hole to China," and for the first time in my adult life, I questioned the validity of it. Not whether a dog (nor anyone) could actually dig through the planet, but whether my dog (if he could HYPOTHETICALLY dig a hole that deep) would actually end up in China?

So how long do you think it'll take us to get to China?

But not only that, is this phrase "digging a hole to China" used only in North America? Or do dogs all over the globe mysteriously dig to the same place? And what about dogs in China? Do they dig to North America?

Is anyone else with me???

You should know that because I suffer from some degree of obsessive-compulsive disorder, I couldn't stand not knowing the answer, so I googled "digging a hole to China." 

North American readers pay attention: If you think your dog might be digging to China, guess what? You'd be WRONG. Your dog will actually end up under the Indian Ocean somewhere off the west coast of Australia. Talk about a bubble-burster. :(

(Those of you NOT in North America can go here to see where your dog would end up.)

Is that China? What's it supposed to look like?

But I'm still wondering of my non-North American readers: Do you even use the phrase "my dog is digging to China?"

Will you let me know in the comments so I can sleep?

Thank you. :)

Thursday, March 20, 2014

That Picture Don't Make a Lick of Sense (Inaugural Edition): Dog in a Tourniquet

First of all: That's the way I talk when I see somethin' that don't make a lick of sense. Except I don't enunciate "lick of," I say, "lick a." Now that title would've been considerably worse. ;)

So, since I've ended the "hump"-rhyming weekly blog feature, I needed to come up with something else (something simple and fun) to go in its slot (except, maybe not on hump day). I got an idea the other day - while browsing through (as I do almost every day for the Facebook page) my hundreds of archived image files: Some of my photos (standing alone and out of context) don't make a lick of sense! (I mean, some of them just make my eyes get all squinty and I wonder, what in the world??)

So then, one thought led to another, and I decided to make a weekly feature out of guessing WHAT IN THE WORLD is really going on these crazy pictures!

Are you ready to start?! Yay! Here we go!

Hey, like my cow button? I think I want to marry this cow button! (I love cows.♥)

Question: Why is Jon Farleigh wearing a tourniquet around his head?


A. He had his wisdom teeth extracted.
B. He is playing the part of the ghost of Jacob Marley in a home-staging of A Christmas Carol.
C. He got into the grape jelly and I ran out of paper towels. 
D. His person was pretending to be a veterinarian. 

Leave your best guess in comments (or on Facebook)! I'll post the correct answer next week!

Monday, March 17, 2014

Tacky Cardigan With Words on It: False Advertising on St. Patrick's Day

Don't you find it a wee bit perplexing (the false St. Patrick's Day advertising people put on their bodies, of all places)? 

For instance:


All I'm saying is, if you're in America, think twice before you kiss an Irish dog who's had a beer on St. Patrick's Day. They're really only after one thing. 


If you'd like me to consider your pet(s) photo for a tacky cardigan. just post it on the Facebook page!

BONUS! More photos!
Note: Be especially leery of redheaded dogs with hungry eyes.


They tend not to take no for an answer. 


Liquid liver*.


A Guinness.


Mo' liver?


Ginger cats named Bobby Flay O'Fish (in contrast to American dogs) are decidedly kissable on St. Patrick's Day.


Especially when sporting bow ties.


And cheap (unintelligible) holiday-themed accessories from Target. Or not. 

(Am I missing something with the socks, y'all? What is the point of socks that say "Irish {insert shamrock eyes and a red mustache} I Had A Beer" on them? And inside one's shoes, no less. I mean, that's just dumb, don't you think?)



On second thought, I think I might kiss him. ☺


* Liquid liver (or chicken, beef...)


Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Thanks to Mia and Etsy, I'm Taking My Woolly Red Corgi to #BlogPaws, After All!

Please allow me to break that title down for you...

First of all, you need to meet Mia:


Note: Mia is NOT a store logo; she is the crafty, creative genius behind the pictured Etsy.com shop that bears her name.

The woolly* red corgi is Jon Farleigh, as illustrated here:


Also of significance (however, not appearing in the post title) is that Jon Farleigh's dog-dad (Yardican's Roland {Sam}) was born in Finland, to Finnish parents, which makes Jon Farleigh 1/2 Finnish. Mia (of Handmade by Mia) is located in Finland.

And, thanks to a little skill and a lotta luck -- which won me a free conference pass and a comped hotel night -- this...

It will be my 3rd BlogPaws, the first two of which were located in my home state of Virginia, and, because I drove my car, made it possible to for me to bring Jon Farleigh and Dewi. 

There is no way in Sam Hill I'm driving to Las Vegas. Soooo, being adverse to the idea of the boys riding in the belly of a jetliner cross-country, I am resolved to leave their furry butts at home. Boo.

I will, however, be toting a smaller, woollier version of Jon Farleigh -- on the plane, and all through the conference -- because Mia (in Finland) made me this little custom handbag!


...At the sight of which, I squeed and nearly sprained my cheeks (the facial ones, ugh) from the protracted smiling. Oh my gosh! Isn't it adorable?!

The bag, hand knitted from Finnish lamb's wool (the color of which I selected) and then machine felted by Mia, is roomy enough to carry all my essentials (plastic, cash, phone, lip balm, pen, keys, a couple poop bags, etc.) and has a hidden loop at the corner to which I can attach a wrist strap (my own, purchased from a different shop on Etsy).




Note: Bobby Flay (whose paws are in the above image) was just trying to play with the bag help.



Back detail
Mia uses whimsical, vintage cloth to line all her bags, and I am thrilled with what she chose for me!


More bees...


...and more doggies!

(The model with his flat likeness)
What'cha looking at up there?

Although Mia had already drawn a Pembroke corgi for another customer, and we'd agreed upon that basic design, I emailed her a photo of Jon Farleigh and she made adjustments for his unique white markings, tail and ear shape, to more accurately reflect the Cardigan breed. (Note: I requested his coat to be the "correct" length because I didn't want anyone to mistake him for a fox. Truth.) The Lily of the Valley and happy bee sidekick were also my idea.

I have no idea why I chose those specific things.

Bzzzzz

Oh wait, yes I do! ☺


I just LOOOVE my felted, Finnish, woolly Jon Farleigh purse and you can bet I'll be carrying it proudly at BlogPaws!

Shoot, I might even pack this other bag I got from Mia (a few months back), too!

Because kittehs need representation!

I purchased the adorable kitty purse out of Mia's existing shop inventory; however, I did ask her to add a loop so I could attach a wrist strap.

Do you like? If yes, you simply must check out Mia's shop! Her items tend to move quickly, so for the best idea of all the fanciful little designs she can do, be sure to look at her reviews (there are pages upon pages of them). All of the reviews link back to the purchased item. Hint: That's how I was able to get ideas for my Jon Farleigh bag, and soon-to-be Dewi bag (for fall).

You should also know that only a week transpired from my initial email inquiry about the custom bag to the day Mia shipped it to me. Just one week! Her communication is impeccable, prices reasonable and shipping from Finland to the US is relatively quick, at about 7 business days.

I can't wait to see what she can do with Dewi in a few months!






Payback for all the orifice sniffing Bobby Flay has endured.

Anyone else going to BlogPaws? If so, please be sure to say "hi"! You'll find me wandering about, trying to use my green corgi purse as a conversation piece.☺ (What do you expect me to do without my two low riders attached to my side??)

* The "correct" term for an incorrect (too long) Welsh corgi (Cardigan and Pembroke) coat is "fluffy," not woolly. However, being that there are many degrees of "fluffy" coats, Jon Farleigh's (especially in humidity) seems to have erred more on the woolly side. And what a glorious woolly "error" it is!
♣♣♣

Join me this Sunday, March 16!


Wednesday, March 12, 2014

It Rhymes With 'Hump' Day: Harrumph, Harrumph, Harrumph!

No, it doesn't exactly rhyme, but I've had it up to my thinning eyelashes with these "hump" words, okay! Harrumph!

ahem.

So, I googled "harrumph" and what do you think popped up right at the top of the first page? The definition, maybe? Nope! Try a YouTube video of a scene from the movie Blazing Saddles!

Yes, of all the words through which Google could search on the internet, a VIDEO from Blazing Saddles. What kind of society do we live in? (Don't answer that.) Wanna know something else that I find even more disconcerting than the results of my Google search? My husband quoted word-for-word the entire scene that was in the video (without seeing the video). Yep. This is my life.

So, guess what? Jon Farleigh and Dewi are gettin' ready to quote the whole scene for you, now, too!



In case you had listed "read a ridiculous dog blog that does a parody of a scene in Blazing Saddles" on your bucket list, you can go ahead and check that one off. ;-)

Oh, and here's the actual movie footage starring Mel Brooks and Harvey Korman. (Just so you know I didn't make all this up.)

Tune in...wait a minute. I think I mentioned that I'd had it up to my eyelashes with these "hump" words. Yeah, I think I'm done. So, tune in next Wednesday when I DON'T rhyme "hump" with NOTHING! (Because, really, nothing rhymes with "nothing," anyway.)

☺☺☺

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Classic Cardigan: The Time I Wrote 'Brown Eyed Merle' (A Song Parody About My Dog)

Yes, THAT song. And be advised: the snappy melody is liable to keep on keepin' on (in your ear) for some time...

Originally published on June 4, 2012...

Brown Eyed Merle (the song)


Just a little something I wrote today. You probably know the tune...

Brown Eyed Merle*

Hey, where did you go
Day when the rain came?
Down in the hollow
Playing the chase game.
Smiling and a running, hey, hey
Frapping and a jumping
In the misty morning fog with
My heart a pumpin', and you
My brown eyed merle
You, my brown eyed merle.


Whatever happened
to recall and go slow
Walking on a loose lead
Across the patio.
Standing in the sunlight panting
Hiding behind a fake stone wall
Slipping and a sliding
Into the ditch I fall, with you
My brown eyed merle
You, my brown eyed merle.


Do you remember when I used to sing
Sha la la la la la la la la Dewi uh uh!
Sha la la la la la la la la Dewi uh uh!
Dewi, uh uh!

So hard for you to stay
Your mind is all your own.
We were outside just the other day
The lawn was freshly mown.
Cast my memory back there, boy
Sometimes I'm overcome thinking 'bout
Picking poop off the green grass
Behind the chrysanthemum with you
My brown eyed merle
You, my brown eyed merle.


Do you remember when I used to sing
Sha la la la la la la la la Dewi uh uh!
Sha la la la la la la la la Dewi uh uh!
Dewi, uh uh!

******

*with apologies to Van Morrison

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