Monday, June 30, 2014

Why Does Wile E. Coyote Play With Explosives? (Multiple Choice Quiz)

Allow me to repeat the question:

WHY DOES WILE E. COYOTE PLAY WITH EXPLOSIVES?

A. He is a dunce.
B. He is a cartoon character and has no brain.
C. His creator, Chuck Jones, made him do it. He also gave him 3,478 lives.
D. All of the above.

OK, now answer this question:

WHY DID THE DOG RUN AWAY DURING THE HOLIDAY FIREWORKS DISPLAY?

A. Unlike Wile E. Coyote, he is NO dunce.
B. He has a brain and he uses it, because he is real.
C. His person, whomever that may be, thought he would have fun watching things go boom in the sky.
D. He was terrified and chose to run off rather than get blown up.
E. All of the above.

In summary: Dogs hate fireworks. They are dogs, not Wile E. Coyote. Fireworks are loud and look like raining fire. Please leave your dog(s) at home, safe and secure, while you enjoy the light show.

And now, please enjoy this Road Runner/Coyote parody.
(Anyone else out there wish the coyote would get Road Runner? Does that make me a bad person?☺)


Originally published June 21, 2013.

((ring)) 'ACME Brand Pyrotechnics, Voice of Reason Speaking'



"Yes, hello. I'd like to order one deluxe TNT-powered rocket."

© Warner Bros.

"Um, okay."

"Yeah, so there's this beanpole bird that I'd like to eat for lunch, but he always outruns me. Imagine the look on his face when I blow past him on my rocket!"

"Oh, in that case, might I recommend the deluxe ACME rocket GPS? It's pre-programmed with the addresses of the 50 nearest Emergency medical facilities...you know, in case you overshoot your target. It comes with a free anvil."

*****

The good news, friends?

When it comes to pyrotechnics (fireworks), dogs are smarter than Wile E. Coyote.
They have no use for them (read: they hate them with the ferocity of 1,000 erupting volcanoes).

The bad news?

 When it comes to food, dogs are more wily than Wile E. Coyote.
They're perfectly happy to scavenge their bird (burger, steak, hot dog, chips, corn on the cob, etc.) when the humans drop or leave it unattended.


If the fireworks on our cheap holiday-themed headbands from Target were real,
the only thing you'd see in this photo is the pile of Hershey bricks (that we just pooped).

Clearly, dogs, pyrotechnics, delicious birds (and various other non-sanctioned "human" food items) don't mix.


And, my point?

BE SMARTER THAN YOUR DOG DURING UPCOMING INDEPENDENCE DAY CELEBRATIONS, BECAUSE WILE E. COYOTE, HE IS NOT.




Bonus:


The Road Runner Show Original TV Theme Song!

Quiz Answers: D. and E. (You are so smart!)

Friday, June 27, 2014

Tacky Cardigan: How Dogs Land Jobs - Genetics, Environment, or Something Else Entirely?

So, answer this question: Which came first, the dog or the dog's job? 

I'll go out on a limb and say the dog. Maybe not the ideal dog, but unlike the unsolvable chicken and egg dilemma, if you're gonna give a dog a job, there has to be a dog sitting there ready to take it, right? But then, how did the humans decide which dogs were best for which jobs? So they could work toward their "breed ideal"? Take cattle driving, for example. Of all the available dogs, WAY back when dogs were first assigned as drovers, how did the farmer decide among all the dogs? I don't know. But I'm beginning to wonder whether the cows had something to do with it...

dog humor cocker spaniel corgi herding meme

Disclaimer: The cows made up those jokes, not me.*

Things that make you go hmm. ☺

A huge THANK YOU to my muse, the devastatingly handsome Cocker Spaniel, Dexter, and his mama Carol Bryant (yes, that Dexter, and that Carol Bryant) of the acclaimed pet lifestyle blog Fidose of Reality, for allowing me to use their photo! (I saw it on their Instagram. This was SO MUCH FUN to make!)

UPDATE! I've been feeling remiss about not crediting the cows who have appeared with speaking parts; therefore, here are their names (L to R): Lenny, Mortimer (Mort for short) and Ice-Chest.




* I totally made those dumb jokes up, but I'm allowed. I'm owned by two drovers who are shaped like step stools.

Monday, June 23, 2014

Classic Cardigan: The Time I Dressed the Dogs in Grass Skirts and Taught Them to Hula (It Was for Sweeps, OK?)

In a blog post early this year, I wrote that if I ever became too tired to write something new, I'd just redo and repost a blog classic (which I've done on several occasions).

Two years before that - when I was posting new content at least five times a week, and felt terribly guilty for missing a day, even when I had the cruddy plague flu disease from Hades - I hastily published these two photos, out of a sense of obligation:



Yes, friends, I did that. The title of that post was "It Is Lame." 

And last week, I read on Twitter, or a blog, or Twitter and a blog (I can't remember those details), a quote from another blogger that went something like this (I paraphrase): Remember, your most successful posts will be the ones you think are the suckiest. 

Which is a roundabout way of me telling you that I'm not sick, but I am a little drained. So, while I won't post anymore lame-@ss pictures for the sake of posting, I WILL repost another classic. And (assuming that paraphrased quote up there is true), you guys are in for one gigantic treat! Yee haw! ☺

Originally published on May 29, 2012...

Determined Not to Slip in the Ratings (on account of adorable foster kittens), Jon Farleigh and Dewi Learned a New Skill


Cardigan Welsh Corgi hula dancing

Hana hou!

A `ole pilikia!

And, just when you thought this post couldn't get any more absurd just for kicks...

Posed for a few publicity shots to commemorate the "unofficial" start of summer.










Mahalo
Aloha `oe
Kipa hao mai

(Translation from Polynesian: This is our blog and don't you forget we are just as adorable as her our three foster kittens.)

(Note: That isn't the real translation.)

(Actual translation: Thank you. Farewell to you. Come visit again.)

Sincerely (your loyal DOG blog friends), 

Jon Farleigh and Dewi

*****

P.S. June is Adopt a Shelter Cat month! It's okay; Jon Farleigh and Dewi won't care if you get one (or two)!

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

That Picture Don't Make a Lick of Sense: A Roll of Toilet Paper


Y'all do know that all these photos have been previously published* on the blog, right? And that there really is a best/correct explanation for each of them? Because there is. OK? Don't forget!

So tell me, WHAT IN THE WORLD is going on in this picture?!


A. I was trying to teach Dewi a new trick: WIPE YOUR BUTT.
B. I was trying to teach Dewi a new trick: CLEAN UP YOUR OWN DIRTY MESSES.
C. I was teaching Dewi a new trick: LEAVE IT.
D. We were making a YouTube contest entry for a major toilet paper brand.
E. I was sad that Jon Farleigh and Dewi had stopped stealing the TP out of the bathroom, like they did as puppies, so I tried to rekindle their desire.
F. I was trying to funnel Dewi's poots through the TP roll, so I could collect the methane gas for my child's science experiment on alternative energy sources.

Leave your best guess in comments or on the Facebook page!

* Or, they're similar to a previously published photo and perfectly relevant to its corresponding blog post.

*****

As for last week's photo...


E. Both B. and C. 
B. Jon Farleigh ran into a running shower to escape 3.5 collective pounds of menacing (alien) foster kittens, who - as you can see here - are not going to be thwarted (as normal cats should be) by mere liquid hydrogen and oxygen.
C. This is a snapshot from when Jon Farleigh told a tall tale to a bunch of "puppies," recounting the time he was attacked by freakish kitten mutants who wanted to eat him off of a silver platter.

The original post title: Terrible Tales With Jon Farleigh: Purrassic Park*

Also, Jon Farleigh's tales might be taller than his legs.☺ Poor dude just could not process the fearlessness of those teeny foster kittens!

* Yes, I actually did manage to parody not just one Spielberg title (Jurassic Park), but TWO (Close Encounters of the Third Kind), using the same post. Perhaps I'll go ahead and add that to my life's list of major accomplishments. I hope that doesn't make you jealous. (insert winky eye)

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Tacky Cardigan With Words on It: In a Parallel Universe...

Seriously. Just imagine the possibilities for a whole new blockbuster franchise!


E.T. could totally be a Jedi Cardi (pronounced car - DYE) who dresses like a leopard! And Jon Farleigh has an uncanny resemblance to a young Carrie Fisher, don't you think? 

Oh yeah, and have I mentioned that Dewi does a mean wookiee imitation? Check him out!


See? ☺


If you'd like me to consider a photo of your pet(s) for  tacky cardigan, just post it to the Facebook page!

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Get Chronicles of Cardigan Delivered for Free, Plus a Dog-Inspired Amazing Weight-Loss Tip!


Have you heard the phrase: "If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is"? Yeah, so have I, but THIS ISN'T ONE OF THOSE TIMES!

You really can get all of my (or most anyone's) blog content delivered for free, straight to your inbasket, without having to do a thing (except sign up for email delivery or follow me on Bloglovin). But before I show you exactly how to do that (in pictures), let me share a WAY simple idea the dogs gave me for how to eat less, and therefore, lose weight (as I'm trying to do)! 

My Dog-Inspired Weight Loss Plan

Supplies you'll need:
  • Internet
  • Printer stocked with paper and ink
  • Tape
  • Dog or cat (optional)
  • Camera (optional)
Step-by-step directions:
  1. Obtain a photo of dog (or cat*) poop (you can get this from Google, or take a photo yourself, your choice).
  2. Print it off (number of copies depends, but I'd make at least 10).
  3. Tape one copy to the following places (not an exhaustive list): refrigerator, pantry/food cabinet door, your plate, all TV screens, bathroom mirrors, the book you're currently reading, computer/tablet screen, smart phone, the ceiling above your bed (or wherever you lie down to sleep), your alarm clock, the car steering wheel.
That's it!

(Disclaimer: Results not guaranteed, but considering I'm feeling queasy from just writing the directions, it just might actually work! *groans* Also, as with any new weight loss regimen, check with your doctor first. But, for the love of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, please don't tell your doctor where you got the idea!)

* If you have dogs, I do NOT recommend taping up pics of cat doody. Your dog will EAT your signs (or raid your cat box). 

*****

So, now that I've given you plenty of reason to never EVER miss another one of my posts, let me show you how to get them delivered to you 2-3+ times per week! (Really! You'll never have to remember to find me on the Internet again!)

Email Subscription (Easiest)



See that same exact box over near the top of my right sidebar (hint: you have to actually be ON the blog to see it)? Well, all you have to do is type in your email address and press Submit! That's all! You'll receive an email each time I publish a new post (the entirety of which, is in the body of the email) - NO SPAM! Nothing extra! And no fake names in the From field! Yay!

Follow Chronicles of Cardigan on Bloglovin (Easy, but not as easy as email)



See that button up at the top of my sidebar? Yes, well if you have a Bloglovin account, when you click it, Chronicles of Cardigan will be added to your feed list. If you don't, you'll be prompted to create one. Bloglovin, in case you don't know, is like a blog reader, with a few extras. If you opt in, it will send you a daily email digest of all the blogs you're following, including a blurb from their most recent post.  

Follow on Bloglovin <= Wanna try it? Just click!

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

So, will my next blog post be stakeout or DELIVERY? (No tipping, please. ☺)

By the way, have you seen Chronicles of Cardigan on Facebook? It's fun! Check it out!


Psst. Wait a sec. What do you think about my calling it the Shatkins Diet? ;)

Monday, June 9, 2014

That Picture Don't Make a Lick of Sense: Interspecies Encounters of the Third Kind


In case you're wondering, here are the first two kinds of interspecies encounters*:

1. Dogs and cats become aware of each other's existence (through the kitchen window or by watching My Cat From Hell on Animal Planet, for example).
2. Dogs and cats become aware that they are currently living with a member of the other species, though they have not laid eyes on one another. For example, they can smell and/or hear weird "alien" animal smells/noises coming from another room.

Here is an example of the THIRD kind of interspecies encounter.


Now tell me, WHAT IN THE WORLD is going on in that picture up there?!

A. The foster kitten challenged Jon Farleigh to a duel during lunch, in the shower, and Jon Farleigh was too ashamed to decline.
B. Jon Farleigh ran into a running shower to escape 3.5 collective pounds of menacing (alien) foster kittens, who - as you can see here - are not going to be thwarted (as normal cats should be) by mere liquid hydrogen and oxygen.
C. This is a snapshot from when Jon Farleigh told a tall tale to a bunch of "puppies," recounting the time he was attacked by freakish kitten mutants who wanted to eat him off of a silver platter.
D. Jon Farleigh followed the foster kittens into the shower, mistaking them for furry candy dispensers.
E. Both B and C.

Leave your guess in comments or on the Facebook page!

* Because in deciding to go with the Close Encounters pun/parody post title, I needed to school myself on the reasons behind Steven Spielberg's choice of movie title. Otherwise, the pun might have been inappropriate (it isn't), and therefore, the bane to Spielberg movie buffs' existence. Please note, you might have just wasted 23 seconds of your life reading this, if you've never seen the movie in the first place.

Also, it's impossible to "unhear" this film score.


*****

As for last week's installment...
And the previous frame, for reference...



B. "Jonathan Farleigh! I told you three years ago that I'm not interested in your roomie that way! So, call him off, bro. Call that sniffy-feely blue boy OFF!"

Impressive memories of those classic posts guesses, y'all! ☺

P.S. There's a long "history" between Dewi and Georgia (if you're new to the blog, or suffer from long-term memory loss). It all started here, and officially ended here. LOTS of corgis (and silliness) in those two posts!

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Tacky Cardigan With Words on It: If Looks Could Kill

Next time you refuse to indulge your dog in a bite of your BLT? An extra 5-47 ball tosses? A romp through a tall, grassy meadow full of goose poo? See if you don't feel a cosmic hole being bored through your back. Just saying.


Hehe. Bogey (Jon Farleigh's half-brother) didn't want me to take his picture in the tunnel at the Cardi party. ☺

He was totally fine with me taking it outside the tunnel, though.


Now, there's a handsome smile!


If you'd like me to consider a photo of your pet(s) for a tacky cardigan, just post it to the Facebook page*.

* Full disclosure: I asked Bogey's mama if I could use his picture, not the other way around. ;)

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Classic Cardigan: The Time It Rained Fuzzy Foster Kittens and I Caught Some (Updated!)

Two years ago last weekend, I left three cats and two dogs at home and drove over to the Richmond SPCA to pick up three, five week old orphaned kittens. They were with us for a grand total of six weeks, or until they'd all reached a healthy two-pounds, were age-appropriately vaccinated and old enough to be spayed/neutered. It was harder work than I had bargained for - keeping those fuzz balls well fed, entertained and cleaned of food-crusted faces and poo-crusted paws and butts. But because of that hard work, it was also one of the most rewarding (and wonderful) jobs I have ever experienced. I will never forget those babies, and am so thankful all three of them quickly found permanent, loving homes.

Since that first kitten fostering experience, there've been a few other feline comings and goings at my house. OK, they've all been comings (unless you count the vet visits), as follows:

July 2012: Maddox - a nine-year-old, long-time Richmond SPCA resident - entered our home for a four-week foster. We failed. He was adopted into our family permanently three weeks later.

Maddox: No, as a matter of fact, I'm never letting her go.

October 2012: Bertie (he would later be called) - a  teenage kitten - showed up in our front yard, at night, yowling and desperate for human contact. After an exhaustive search for his owners, with no luck, he never left.

Bertie: I love my big, honking, twin big brother.

June 2013: Bobby Flay O'Fish (oh yes, we did) - a tiny, just-weaned kitten - found himself in the middle of a busy, six-lane intersection, seconds before I came along in my car. He ran into a grassy shoulder; I pulled over, got out and grabbed him; he was feral and bit me hard; I swallowed tears of pain and tossed him in the back seat anyway, drove him home and began the weeks-long process of taming him enough to be considered adoptable. By the time that happened, he was super-bonded to Bertie and already ours.

Bobby Flay O'Fish: I love both my big, honking twin big brothers.
Plus my three, not so big and honking sisters, and those other two (who are staring at me from the floor) with the broken meows. 

So you see, when today's forecast is 100% chance of foster-kitten showers (as it has been in my area for several weeks, with no end in sight), unlike two years ago, I'll be stuck inside like a water dog who wants nothing more than to go out and get wet! (So, that metaphor needs some work. In the meantime, please refrain from imagining a bunch of labradors running around getting pelted by cherubic foster kittens falling from the sky.)

I hate that helpless feeling, y'all! So, that's why - because the kittens need us, and June is Adopt-A-Cat Month - I'm making a multi-part plea:
  • If you've never fostered kittens before and think it might be fun (it is), check with your local shelter(s) to see if you can help!
  • If you've thought about adopting a kitten (or cat) but are nervous about it "fitting into" your lifestyle, consider fostering first (if it isn't for you, that's okay, but in the meantime, you will have saved a kitty (or two)'s life!
  • If you can't foster (or adopt) a kitty, but want to help, SHARE this post (or tell your friends who are thinking about getting a cat)! Or, consider donating much-needed kitten-fostering supplies (towels, blankets, beds, litter boxes, carriers, toys, bowls, food, kitten formula, etc.) to your local shelter/rescue! Many of them have wish lists posted on their websites.  
Thank you from the most bottom of bottoms of my heart! 

But wait! You can't go away without SEEING those precious little fuzzy kitten balls I mentioned at the top of this post! They're named after Spongebob Squarepants, Patrick and Sandy, even! You guys! LOOOOOK!


It Rained Foster Kittens...and I Caught Some!


Yes, you read that right. When I learned that this morning's forecast at the Richmond SPCA was cloudy with a 100% chance of foster kittens*, there was only one thing for me to do: drive over there and see if I could catch one (or three).

And so I did...all of the above. ;)

Now, before I bust wide open from the anticipation, please meet my three itty bitty, five week old foster kitties!

On my lap ☺



Although not the names they were given at the shelter, we're affectionately referring to them (L to R in top photo) as Bob (teeny little tabby boy), Patrick (large tabby boy) and Sandy (long-haired dilute tortoiseshell/tabby, aka torbie girl).
If all goes well, we'll have these three fuzz balls for 3-4 weeks, at which time they'll be spayed/neutered and placed for adoption at the Richmond SPCA (which happens to be exploding with kittens of all ages).

Because they are so little and too young to be fully vaccinated or treated for biting parasites, we've set up a kitten "apartment" in my master bathroom, which can be completely closed off from our other pets and is relatively easy to clean.

The kittens seem to think the arrangement is pretty cool.


Patrick

teeny Bob

Sandy

teeny Bob totally fell asleep while at the watering hole ☺

Kitten Pile (squee!)

In case you're wondering about how the rest of the animals are handing this, they are (for now) completely oblivious. They haven't seen the kittens and have expressed no desire to break into the bathroom. At some point (before the kittens go back to the SPCA), though, I'll try a supervised meeting with the dogs (one dog at a time). I think it'll be good socialization for both species. (And besides, Jon Farleigh was best friends with kitten Lulabelle way back in the day.)

Can you believe he was ever that small?
(He's at least three times bigger than her now.)

Over-the-top adorableness aside, I'm pleased with how the kittens are doing so far: they're eating, drinking, peeing (in the litterbox), pooping (in the litterbox), playing, sleeping and doing all the other things little kittens should be doing at this age. Oh yeah, and they purr LOUDLY and often.

It's going to be a full holiday weekend at my house, for sure.


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