Thursday, May 29, 2014

That Picture Don't Make a Lick of Sense: Sibling Rivalry


Are you ready? Because I'd love for you to tell me WHAT IN THE WORLD is going on in this picture!


OK, wait a second. No, don't tell me what's going on in that picture; it's as plain as an unsalted saltine cracker. Jon Farleigh's sister Georgia (whom we all got to see at last weekend's Cardi party*) is obviously telling him something important. So, I guess the better question for this week's installment should be: WHAT IN THE WORLD is Georgia saying to Jon Farleigh?

Here, maybe if I show you the picture frames right before and after, it'll help get your thoughts moving.

BEFORE


DURING

AND AFTER


So, what do you think she said (hint: there is one best answer, based on a "classic Cardigan" post).

A. You disem-squeaked hedgie, Jonny?!! Cuz Dewi said you disem-squeaked him! Hedgie? Really, Jon? How could you?!
B. Jonathan Farleigh! I told you three years ago that I'm not interested in your roomie that way! So, call him off, bro. Call that sniffy-feely blue boy OFF! 
C. I said NO, Jon Farleigh! (JF: Well, I said yes.) When I say no, I mean NO! (JF: But I said yes.) Well, I will tell your mama and you will GO HOME!
D. It's not FUNNY, Jon Farleigh! Stop saying it! Just. Stop. Saying it. Chex Mix is not cereal and there is no such thing as a McWHOPPER! Sheesh!

Leave your best guess in comments or on the Facebook page!

*****

And, as for the picture of the boys in front of the fire...


C. They're posing for a holiday card, but the temperature outside was in the upper 60s.

That shot was an outtake. Here's the final product (and my very first ever post to this blog on 12/29/10).


Now, if that wasn't a sign of things to come, I don't know what is. ☺

* I still have more Cardi party pics to share. Slowly but surely, remember?

Monday, May 26, 2014

Tacky Cardigan With Words on It: Dog Networking Illustrated

So, this weekend, I went to Jon Farleigh's sister and half-brother (by a different mother)'s house for a Cardigan Welsh Corgi (plus one Pembroke) get-together (slash) reunion (slash) cookout (slash) dog networking event. There were 24 +/- corgis there (over 50% puppies) and it was so much fun!

I took a bunch of pictures, which I've already started sharing on Instagram (the ones I got with my iPhone, anyway), and slowly* but surely, I'll share the good ones I got with my real camera. But for today, I'd like to share with you a diagram I created with one of the less-than-good ones. You might consider sharing it with your dog(s), since it's really for their information, and not yours.

Here it is.


What kind of networker is YOUR dog? 

FYI: Dewi is the CONFIDENT one up there (with his head completely up Isabelle's behind). I have no idea where Jon Farleigh was when I took the picture, but I'll venture that he's a boy cougar (or would that be a manther?).

* By "slowly," I mean as soon as I stop getting distracted by making diagrams and other similar endeavors.


If you'd like me to consider your pet(s) photo for a tacky cardigan, just post it to the Facebook page!

Friday, May 23, 2014

Outtakes from the Merrick Post, with Crazy Voiceovers (Captions) Like in Old Godzilla Movies

Note: If you didn't see the Merrick post, go here. There's a giveaway.

Also, if you're too young to have ever watched an old Godzilla movie on cable TV, where the actors are clearly not speaking English in real life, however, very American English conversations are coming through the TV speakers, then try googling "old Godzilla movies."

Anyway, the point is, as a creative experiment*, I've decided to post a few outtakes today, and for added interest, I'll be captioning them with quotes from a random stack of books that I compiled from around my house. In other words, the captions will have nothing to do with what is actually happening in the photos**. BUT, just like the old Godzilla movies, in which the actors' mouths don't match the audio feed, it might actually be entertaining to watch (in an absurdly campy sort of way). Also, I will list the books I quoted at the very bottom of this post, in case you forget that I am not the one who published and got paid for the original content***.


Note: Actual stack of books (still sitting on my desk, because I can't remember where I found several of them).

I hope this turns out OK. (But if it doesn't, at least I tried.)


"Hark, how hard he fetches breath."¹



"Are you my mother?" he said to the cow. "How could I be your mother," said the cow. "I am a cow."²



"So Horton stopped splashing. He looked toward the sound. 'That’s funny,' thought Horton. 'There’s no one around.' Then he heard it again! Just a very faint yelp as if some tiny person were calling for help. 'I’ll help you,' said Horton. 'But who are you? Where?'”³



"...you know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit."4 


(End of weird, literary captioning experiment. It might have worked; I'm not sure.☺)

* I just finished reading Bossypants, Tina Fey's memoir, and she is the reason for this experiment. And by "reason," I mean she is crazier than I could ever hope to be, and I wish that I was her good friend Amy Poehler, or the person who scrubs her apartment's toilets, because she is THAT inspiring. Also, her memoir wasn't nearly long enough.
** Please note that my captions never have anything to do with what my pets are doing in the photos. Pets cannot talk. Refer here for my (more in depth) explanation of that.
*** Also, none of the dead authors I have quoted in this post have compensated me for my trouble.


¹King Henry IV, Part 1 by William Shakespeare
(Note: a comedic line referring to snoring; also, henceforth, I think I shall always use this quote when referring to my pets' snoring.)
²Are You My Mother? by P.D. Eastman
³Horton Hears a Who! by Dr. Seuss
4The Bad Beginning by Lemony Snicket

I'm curious: did you guess any of the books before I gave you their titles? ☺

Monday, May 19, 2014

By Dogs for Dogs: How to Craft an Ad for a Pet Parent When You're the #BestDogEver

That's right; it's a how-to written for dogs by dogs. My dogs, actually. And while I'm being honest, they got the idea from Merrick* - as in dog food Merrick, and I'm pretty sure dogs everywhere will want to thank them.

*Merrick's idea, but the words out of Jon Farleigh's and Dewi's mouths? 100% mine theirs!
Note: I'm leaving now. Here's Jon Farleigh, your canine instructor. :)


Welcome students! The name of this class is How to Craft a Personal Ad in Search of the Best Dog Parent Ever - 101. If that's not what's printed on your schedule, perhaps you should learn how to read. As for the humans auditing the class online: pay attention; there will be a test. Or a giveaway. Either way, you've gotta pay close attention!

Alright, so let's think about our objective for a moment: We're all dogs, yes? And by design, all dogs, individually, are the best dog ever (are you with me)? Because every dog is different, and made specifically for different types of humans. So, just so I'm clear: being the best dog ever isn't bad; it's just life. Capiche? Good!

Hold on, I lost my train of thought (darn cat)...Oh yes! So our objective is to craft a personal ad in search of the most ideal human dog parent for our individual needs. Not that any of you are currently without a human parent, but in the terrible event you find yourself in that situation, just think how well prepared you'll be having gone through this exercise! In other words, think of it as an "insurance policy" on future inter-species matches made in heaven! Yippee!

So, let's get started with a couple examples of how NOT to write your personal ad.

Here we have...
Example #1 - Unrefined Dog


Who'd like to tell me what's wrong with this? Hellooooo? COME ON, PEOPLE! This kind of thing might work for the dogs on the South Jersey Shore, but NOT HERE! Not unless your perfect pet parents are Snooki and JWoww! NEXT!

And, here we have...
Example #2 - Dog With Inflated Self Worth



[Insert 5 seconds of Jon Farleigh staring deadpan into your eyes.]

Wow. Who here would like to buy a car? Because the only bites you're gonna get with this ad are from lonely car collectors! Wanna sit on blocks in a garage/museum for the rest of your life?!

Also, all the foods in the world?! Let me guess - you slept through Dog Physiology and Nutrition 101?? Good grief!

Hey, you down there! Pay attention!


And you! Hecklers will not be tolerated!


[Cue crickets chirping.]


Alright, class, listen up. There's only one basic rule you need to remember for this ad writing business: Be your "Best Dog Ever" self! That's it! And remember, to be your best dog ever self, you need to start with a good, preferably all natural, high protein, made in the USA with locally sourced (not from China), farm-fresh ingredients DOG FOOD (like our sponsor, Merrick, makes, in fact)! And, that's where your most awesome pet parent comes in!

So, check THIS ad out...
Example #3: Best Dog Ever (for Real; Because You're Just Being You!)


Alright, for this next segment, I need a volunteer. Hey you, down there, get up here!


[Insert brief set-change pause and a word from Bobby Flay O'Fish on behalf of our sponsor.]


[And now we return to our regularly scheduled classroom programming...and Dewi.]


Dewi: What the heck am I supposed to be doing up here, teacher?
Jon Farleigh: See that can of food? Yeah, well if you lie there in front of it and look at the camera, you might actually get to eat some of it. Got it?


Dewi: Like this?
JF: Yes, that.

OK (still Jon Farleigh, here), let's talk a bit about dog food varieties. As in, if you could pick your own, out of all the ones in the store, what might it look like? How about this?


This can of Merrick grain-free Turducken (yes, like the meat Paula Deen makes for her family at Thanksgiving) might be one of your selections, yes? So, when you're writing your personal ad for the best pet parent ever, think about how you'd best get across the whole "good for you and also tastes yummy" food bit. Plus, try not to come across as an unrefined dolt, or a snoot. Good dogs are neither of those things.

So, who wants to crack open a can of turducken and have a tasting party?! [Eagerly raises his own paw, as does Dewi.]

[Enter key grip -aka one who has thumbs- to crack open the can.]


(Note: Just testing to make sure it's not just the pretty label the dogs are attracted to. In fact, please note that they're really not concerned with the label at all. Also, hover over the video and click the volume icon to hear sound!)

[Cue can-CRACKING noise and meaty aroma.]


Dewi: Oh, mama!



Jon Farleigh: Oh, mama of mamas!


(Note to camera person: Next time, refrain from standing on your head during takes.☺)


And that's a wrap, er...I mean the end of class! Any questions? No? Well, GUESS WHAT?! Remember how I said all you humans out there auditing needed to pay attention? Yeah, well, I wasn't kidding.

Now, which one of you** wants to win a WHOLE MONTH'S SUPPLY (to be worked out with the brand, if you win) of anything (including a combo of things) in the vast line of (5-star kitchen-cooked) Merrick dog food recipes?! (Hint: I'm betting your best-dog-ever will approve.)

Use the Rafflecopter below to enter! I'll announce the winner in 2 weeks; good luck!

**Giveaway entrants must be U.S. residents and at least 18 years old.

a Rafflecopter giveaway
This post is sponsored by Merrick and the Pet Blogger Network. I'm being compensated for helping spread the word about Merrick Pet Care and their Best Dog Ever campaign, but Chronicles of Cardigan only shares information we feel is relevant to our readers. Merrick Pet Care, Inc. is not responsible for the content of this article. 

Friday, May 16, 2014

Repurposed Tacky Cardigan With Words on It: There's No Shame in Butt Sniffing

Hi, y'all! I'm not on vacation, or sick, or stuck in a well or anything like that...but, my PC did crash a few days ago (Windows malfunction) and I'm currently running around (figuratively) like a deranged chicken. Hence the repurposing of the tacky cardigan. Although, this one is actually a pile of cardigans that (when held up end to end) tell one big ole tacky story. Perhaps you'll remember it. ;)

Originally published on October 10, 2012...

The Subjectivity of Shame: Butt-Sniffing










So what is it: shame or proper handshake etiquette?
 
P.S. Maddox is full of all kinds of wisdom, isn't he?
 
 
If you'd like me to consider a photo of your pet(s) for a tacky cardigan, just post it to the Facebook page!

Coming this Monday: A fun new post and GIVEAWAY! Stay tuned!

Monday, May 12, 2014

That Picture Don't Make a Lick of Sense: Smiling Dogs in Front of a Fire


Here we go again; who's ready?! So, tell me: WHAT IN THE WORLD are Jon Farleigh and Dewi doing in front of that roaring fire??


A. OMG, JON FARLEIGH'S HEAD IS IN FLAMES! QUICK, ROLL HIM ACROSS THE RUG!
B. They're thawing out from a particularly long romp in the snow and frigid temps.
C. They're posing for a holiday card, but the temperature outside is in the upper 60s.
D. Those are not your dogs, because your dogs don't sit and pose for photographs that nicely.

Leave your best guess in comments or on the Facebook page!

*****

And, as for last week's Dewi gnome photo?


A. He was an actor in a song parody of the old Guthrie folk song "Git Along, Lil' {dwarf} Dogies."

(Hint: You should totally click that link and go read that post. ☺)

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

♪♫ I'm leavin' on a jet plane. Don't reckon my house'll blow up before I'm back again...

Reckon. I just love that word and I think people should start using it more (like I did in the title - in the slang context). Okay, bye.

Okay, I'm back. ☺

I really am leaving on a jet plane, you know. To the BlogPaws Conference in Lake Las Vegas, NV. By supper time today I'll be in the air. 

This year, though (unlike the last 2 times, when it was in the DC area {2nd link's to a friend's blog, with awesome pic of Dewi}), I'm travelling alone. No Jon Farleigh and Dewi to keep me company (or to shield me from having to strike up small talk about the weather with people I just met).

We're ready to go! Whaddaya mean this thing doesn't fly?
(Next time, boys! I promise!)

In addition, this is the only time I have ever left my family (including the current pet population) for longer than a couple days. It's taken me more time planning/cleaning/rearranging/restocking/explaining/sweet-talking to get my household ready for my absence than it's taken me to get my own stuff together. But that's okay, considering my household contains a baker's dozen living beings (including me). 

I should be thankful that I get to go anywhere alone, ever, right? (I am! I am!☺)

So, then, can someone tell me WHY (even though I've got things planned to the hilt {what is a hilt, btw?}, and no one is protesting my leaving) I keep worrying that some tragedy is going to befall my family because I'm not here to prevent it? No, don't answer that question. It's rhetorical. I already know why: 

I don't go on enough trips! (Must get on that right away.)

On the bright side, however, won't there be some gleeful reunions when I get back home on Sunday?! And I'm just talking dogs and cats!

Alright, I feel a little better (one less butterfly in the stomach, maybe). I'm glad we had this little talk.

Oh and, I'll still be on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram during the conference (with live updates and pics), so if you're not following me there, you can do that now (with a simple click of the button). (P.S. You're awesome!)


Instagram

The Chronicles of Cardigan

Promote Your Page Too

See you on the other side! Have an awesome rest of the week, friends!

♪♫♪ ...So lick my face and smile for me. Tell me that you'll be a good dog and wait for me....

Sunday, May 4, 2014

Tag - It's Not Just for Squealing Kids on a Playground

No, it's also for grown people whose kids don't even play tag on the playground anymore. And by tag, naturally, I mean the kind that people play on the internet, where no running is involved. (However, basic counting {as in through lists of rules, etc.} and "hiding" behind one's e-device screen are requisite.)

Enough beating around the mulberry bush, though.

Two of my pet blog friends (Jennifer at My Brown Newfies and Kim at CindyLu's Muse) tagged me in a 20-facts game on Instagram. Now that I'm tagged, I'm supposed to post this badge (on Instagram) and follow the directions.

Except most everyone I know on Instagram has already been tagged. Which is why I'm bringing the game here. Well, that and I never post anything (on the blog) about myself, really, and I guess I feel like coming out of the shadows of my pets...just for today. So don't blink.

I think I'm ready.

Oh, but wait! The first 10 things I'm sharing are actually answers to questions that Jenny (at Vulpe's Adventures in Manchester) asked when she so generously passed me a Liebster (which I guess means "dearest" in German) Award. :) Now, I've seen blogging "awards" get crazy (being passed over and over again through the same circles of people), so I generally try not to add links to the chain. BUT, I love Jenny's clever questions so much, that I can't wait to answer them! 

So, here they are (answers to Jenny's Q's, plus 10 of my own)...

Elizabeth's 20 Facts
  1. The first movie that really scared me (as in full-on tears) was The Wizard of Oz (the wicked witch looking into her glass ball). I also cried (cross my heart) at the sight of Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones doing a (70s) TV performance. 
  2. My first live concert was Shaun Cassidy (late 70s). I was LITTLE. :)
  3. My favorite sauce is...well, melted butter? On popcorn.
  4. I was born in Greensboro, NC and live in the Richmond, VA metro area. 
  5. The best (material) gift I've ever received is impossible for me to name. Sorry! When I was little, getting pop rocks was (at the time) the best gift ever! 
  6. No, I do not do my dream job. (shhh!) But, I'm not sure being a sketch writer for Live from My House, It's Saturday Night (with Eight Pets & Three Kids)! is a dream that has a chance of ever coming true. ;)
  7. I would like to retire to...Wait, how exactly does one retire when one doesn't have a regular paying job? 
  8. The last book I read was Jacob T. Marley by R. William Bennett. (Yes, I liked it.)
  9. My #1 celebrity crush is James Spader (The Blacklist), followed by James McAvoy (Tom Lefroy, Becoming Jane), followed by Alan Rickman (Snape, among other characters). I could go on. :)
  10. My favorite guilty pleasure is letting Jon Farleigh and Dewi lick me on the face. Except I don't feel guilty about it. 
  11. I greatly dislike having my picture taken. Especially when I'm taking it. 


    Note: This will not be the start of something new.
  12. I attended the U.S. Naval Academy (in Annapolis, MD) my freshman year of college. 
  13. I don't do well taking orders and think most arbitrary rules should be broken. (oops)
  14. With the exception of my time in Annapolis, I've never (in my life) been without a pet cat.
  15. When I was in elementary school, I wrote lots of skits and recruited my siblings, friends and pets (cat) to act the parts. One involved robot aliens and florescent, black lighting. 
  16. After recently (a few months ago) stumbling across Stephen King's 2nd-ever twitter tweet:
    I replied: "'Boo,' maybe?" (Sadly, he never acknowledged my suggestion. I still love him, though. But, not in a Misery way or anything.)
  17. I can fold my left wrist nearly in half, touching my thumb to my forearm. 
  18. The only sport I ever enjoyed competing in was swimming. 
  19. I can burp on command.
  20. I've never been snow skiing.
And NOW, I'm gonna tag some people who have blogs, but whom I don't know on Instagram. Because this is a fun game! (And I already told you, I don't know enough people on Instagram.☺)

Take it away (if you wish)!


And if I didn't "tag" you here (or on Instagram), but you want to be tagged, take the badge and JUST DO IT! (I totally would.)

Friday, May 2, 2014

That Picture Don't Make a Lick of Sense: Dog Gnome


OK, this one is gonna be hard. So tell me, WHAT IN THE WORLD is Dewi doing dressed up like a gnome in this picture?


A. He was an actor in a song parody of the old Guthrie folk song "Git Along, Lil' {dwarf} Dogies."
B. He was lonely and looking for the Juliette to his Gnomeo.
C. I was hoping someone would steal us both out of my kitchen and take us on a fantasy world tour (with photo ops). (Of course, we'd both be returned to the kitchen after the trip.)
D. I was desperately hoping he'd get some magical powers and go on a house cleaning spree, at night, while everyone was sleeping. 

What's your guess? Let me know in comments or on the Facebook page! ☺

*****

As for last week's photo...


B. They're shredding my freshly laundered underwear.

(Note: NOT a thong. I took that photo after they turned a pair of perfectly nice NOT-A-THONG underwear into a butt-less waistband. So uncool.)


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